Yep, you might like the direction the story can head then lol. But I love it, I love her, it’s so cool to see how people take the villain theme and run with it and how its importance changes with each individual character.
2nd page some writing seems redundant, i think you should remove "outdoing that of even a newborn baby. Your sobs, " but on that page you also said the sobs were noiseless? I say you should go show not tell and build up drama by describing what is happening rather than by describing how the MC is reacting, like instead of you need to get out of here describe the fire and how your options of escape are being cut off . Will add more as i go through it, on mobile
I think that when it comes to CoG games and superpowers HR should not be taken as example, as the entire series is… really not a good example for how to do it right.
If you take HR as go-to example on what can be done with heroes/villains, things quickly fall flat as the series itself doesn’t even know what to do with them. Everything HR is praised for other CoG/HG games have done better.
I agree that you are right that one should always keep the people around a hero in mind and the world beyond the powers (something HR doesn’t actually do), but that doesn’t mean you can’t have the powers, the way they work into the everyday world as a focus.
I think it all boils down to worldbuilding in the end. If you mess that up, any story will just fall flat on its nose.
The game here looks interesting, and I’d really like to know the whys and wherefores about the world better.
What was updated today?
Added the first chapter. Kinda feel like these updates are really slow.
You used a quote from Marlyn Manson, @ToxicDreams you win the internet for a day <3. Liking everything so far and take your time on this master piece
I like this. Good job we need more villain centered games and stories
Really enjoying this so far great job. Can’t wait to see more.
True, but I put character dev ahead of worldbuilding. One true test that never fails in terms of worldbuilding is what I call the fanfiction test. If your story (or in this case, COG/HR game) is strong enough, a good fanfiction using an entirely new character protagonist can be built from it.
Great game examples are the old Bioware games like KotOR, Jade Empire, Mass Effect trilogy, and Dragon Age Origins. These are the masterpieces that all RPGs should reach in terms of character and world building.
There are more great examples out there that we should all emulate. From the CoG/HR’s own roster, I can name Guns and Sabres of Infinity, Tin Star, the first Heroes Rise, Superlatives:Aetherfall, and Fallen Hero–this is an awesome WIP btw.
I wholeheartedly agree. Then again, all of the stories I write and love are primarily character-driven rather than plot-driven, so I may be biased. Still, writing great characters is a surefire way to draw your audience.
Love the first chapter.
We can go over to the criticism bandwagon thread for HR (or dmessage) and see why from start to finish its not a good example for worldbuilding, characterbuilding, story, execution. If you like
Sure Welcome to a DM. I’m aware it’s not perfect, but for its time, it was better than I expected. Imo better than almost anything in the CoG/HG roster at the time.
Well i’m gonna keep my comment short:
Moar plz! Tis awesome so far! I wish ya luck with this project!
I think somethings off with the tenses. You use felt, were, and couldnt but I think using preaent tense would be better because while Im reading it I imagine it as how the character is acting right now in the fire especially since youre recollecting the memory of people shooting at you.
I get the feeling that you struggle more with introductions because the further into the plot I read the more your writing improves. But its hard to get into a story without a good intro.
Im curious about the powers. Are you going to divide the unlockable powers/skills into offensive, defensive or is it more of a you have different choices depending on which skills/powers you invested in. Also im not sure how you can tie in the calling card thing if we write it in. Maybe make it more like we can decide if we want to leave a calling card or not and if so here are the options of what we can leave.
I think there are a lot of choice games in the superhero category because theyre so much fun and work well. More of a supply demand thing. That being said the difference between a good and bad game are the characters/plot. The best choice games Ive played tend to stand strong on its own as a regular story. They’re still very different from each other. The great tournament focuses less on characters than Magium which in turn focuses more on stats than Samurai of Hyuga which focuses more on action scenes than Community College Hero. But they read well no matter which choices you pick or which playstyle you use.
There’s always a problem with my tenses, it’s something I’ve come to expect no matter how much I think I’m doing it right, that’s literally my number one issue - always. But honestly, I think I work better with past tense and have better tense control with it, so I might end up going back through and changing it all to past.
The powers is more focused on skills/powers at the moment and I’m still mulling over if I’m going to add a defensive to offensive stat. I’m leaving the calling card in there just so it can be a stat holder and see if I use it. If I don’t, then I’m probably going to remove it entirely.
Right, well, this is a bit late but I guess I should get around to reviewing the new content.
So continues the story of Lucy Dianzo.
As she grew up, Lucy was naturally inclined to flex the abilities of her powers. This urge to grow stronger led her down the life of crime, due to no other occupation giving her the ability to stretch out and practice.
In this life, she couldn’t really help herself from messing around with the lesser lifeforms that tended to dart their path. After a childhood of being pushed around, it was a form of petty revenge to mess with their lives whenever convenient (she was careful about it, though, never doing anything when there was a possibility of her being defeated as a result) At least sometimes, she got a small bit of satisfaction from it. However, emotionally suppressed as she was, the brief flicker of amusement was usually dull, and most of the time she just felt nothing but apathy for the affairs of these pathetic creatures.
During their heists, under her persona of Solution (that being, the solution to the problem of humanity), Lucy’s disdain for humanity leaked it’s way into her work, thus leading to her calling card: The severed heads of whoever was guarding the thing they stole, or at least those who dared to stand in their way while doing so. Similar to a warlord displaying the severed heads of their enemies.
Toni was strangely okay with this. Lucy attributed this to her natural mutant superiority understanding that these actions were no more significant than ripping heads off ants and leaving them outside an anthill. Same concept, really. Not even important enough to call murder.
Despite their fellow mutant genes, Lucy’s relationship with Toni a bit awkward. While she did enjoy the young mutant’s company, getting a small amount of amusement from their antics, and appreciating the young mutant’s lack of scruples or petty moral hangups that were too human for Lucy’s taste, she could tell that Toni just wasn’t interested in living her life to the fullest and embracing her mutant nature. For Toni, a job was a job.
For Lucy, a job was a stepping stone. A concept that Toni just didn’t seem to grasp.
One example of this divide occurred when they were walking home and came across a mugging. At first, Lucy didn’t feel like doing anything, but after a few seconds of thought, figured it wouldn’t be trouble at all to kill the mugger and take the stuff.
Of course the stupid woman had to start making a fuss, as if she was entitled to help. Lucy figured killing her too would set her own mind at ease. Yet in both cases, she found herself unable to kill either of them, as if some invisible force were restricting her from erasing the cockroaches off the earth. She assumed it was Toni’s lack of ambition radiating out and infecting her. Annoyed, she tortured the woman a bit before going on her way, leaving both lower lifeforms with however many years they had left. In her mind, she thought “I intend to irradiate all your kind, in time. I suppose you can wait until then…or at least whatever invisible force keeping me from killing you goes away.”
After going home, Lucy was discouraged but unsurprised to see the empty house and went about her usual routine. Equal parts relaxing and preparation. During her training, her order or priority was mental, power, skill. She figured, if she was going to lead mutant kind into a new future, she’d need the mind and power more than anything else. Anything requiring skill could be handled by other, more athletically inclined mutants.
As she drifted to sleep that night, her mind drifted to that image. Her and all mutant kind, free to be who they were in a world with no one to despise them. In her conscious mind she told herself she was better off alone, just her and the darkness. Though deep down, she didn’t really believe it. She used the loneliness as a shelter against all others, but it was her prison as well. Deep down, she knew that.
Deep down, she craved that…connection.
- Like the quote by Marilyn Mason
- Got some neat worldbuilding. Even if it isn’t that different from other settings, it’s nice to know what the score is.
- “We’re almost there, I think,” she states and you moan loudly, "come on, you said you wanted to have some fun."
- Despite the fact that Toni explicitly said we couldn’t go around shouting our real names, she evidently had nothing against me going with the name “Lucy” or Dianzo" or “Lucy Dianzo.” Short term memory loss suspected.
- No lethality?
- “Mom? Dad?” you call out once you enter your home,
I noticed there was only one power. I have a feeling that you’ll expand this in the future, though I feel like I should make it known that this player would not mind at all if there was only the one power, because at least then that power will be more fleshed out and meaningful than just a skill the player can use. You’d be able to focus on all the aspects around it.
In a world of superpowers, I imagine what superpowers a person has will have a role to play in shaping their personality and social status. Something to keep in mind.
Possibility to be a kind of combination between loner and socialite? Someone who wants to be social, but is held back by their personality turning them into a loner?
What was added in the 11/12/17 update? I didn’t notice any changes from 9 days ago.
Lol I’m so close to changing that after two of my friends who played it was like “forget being chaotic neutral, we’re villains, let us kill!”
In regard to the one power, yea the main power is Darkness but you’ll be able to upgrade it and what not how you wish. I’m thinking about also including a sub-power that the player can choose later, don’t know yet.
And chapter 2 was put up, I’ll check to see if actually uploaded.
Also, where is this error?
When choosing our villain name. With the option to input our own, there’s nothing stopping us from putting our real names.
Nice update! I like it!