Uhm…okay…I have to ask, but…does anybody else feel like the reveal of MC’s lack in qualification and the reasons for it is a little bit misplaced?
I’m asking because I tried to replay the first chapters and I’m the kind of person that always takes the same choices for their main!MC but this time around I really couldn’t?
And it really started already by the decision how MC feels about their promotion, because how can I possible take the “I wasn’t surprised by the promotion, I’ve worked hard to get it.” option if I’m aware that this is a lie? MC didn’t deserve their promotion and position we know that by now, they didn’t get the training they should get…that choice just doesn’t make sense anymore…it would make more sense to be spiteful and say “Yes nobody cares about this position and my qualifications but I still will give my best to prove them wrong” but we can’t get that choice because we (the player) don’t know the whole story yet…why, actually? Why is it kept secret from us? I guess we can’t choose to be flippant about it (or just keep it for us…I honestly don’t think any of the ROs deserved to get told about by now, even when it’s not exactly a secret) it would alter the moment with the ROs too much, but…why keep it a secret from the reader?..I mean it somehow paints the whole first chapters in a completely different light. I mean if I knew that I got my position just because of luck mostly and that my lack of qualification makes me vulnerable in such a situation to may end up as a scapegoat should the case not be solved…my whole attitude would be different? Because the stakes for my career are different…and I also wouldn’t be as suprised as some of the choices indicate about the mayor getting help…it just changes the whole context of the earlier chapters. I don’t see why make it such a big secret for the reader considering this?
(I think the same to a lesser extent about the reason for the hospital-police rivality, I know I argued quite much against it, but by now I think I personally dislike it more because we got presented with discussions about it without knowing the whole context…I honestly would have reacted differently to some characters if I got that context in earlier chapters, and I think it annoyed me to have that invalided by the narrative basically going “haha, made your judgement too early, you know nothing”. And again, I don’t why keep this a secret from the reader even if the MC knows it, even if letting us decide the MC’s feelings about it could be used early on to personalise the MC in a meaningful way. We readers get even told secrets that MC can’t know by the game…but not things MC knows…)
I just feel like despite having those choices in the beginning to “form” the MC we are not allowed to really know them or the context they live in…and that makes it kinda hard for me to feel invested and not well - I know this may sounds stupid - being lied to by the game about the character I should be able to empathise with… idk…It’s probably stupid.
None of it was supposed to be a secret I just didn’t want the first opening of the game to be a huge info dump. The way it’s written is probably much more like a novel than a game, especially at the start, but this is because I have never written interactive fiction before.
Just because the MC knows they got the promotion because Reele left, doesn’t mean they didn’t still work hard to get it.
Now I have spread the story a bit more and things more decided, I will go back and have a look at the choices to see if I can make some with more that don’t feel like they contradict later revelations.
To be honest, I’m writing some of this as I go. I haven’t planned every detail because it’s just supposed to be fun for me to write and let off steam and I work better when I just go with the flow But, I still have to have it tested by people, who will look for continuity and the things you’ve presented. I never meant to lie to the player, but, you know, I’m just writing this in my spare time and trying to make it the best I can- but I’m not perfect. That’s why I will have testers to help with this kind of thing.
The way I write this won’t suit everyone, I understand that. But, it’s not like I did any of that on purpose to deceive or upset anyone playing through it- that would defeat the purpose of writing it so as people can have fun, lol. It’s just how the story came together, the way it flowed naturally for me. I want people to enjoy it as much as they can, whilst also enjoying writing it myself. But, I’m still learning and growing as a writer and in writing interactive fiction- it’s still quite a new medium for me.
It would be useful for this specific information, as it would help to better establish the MC.
I feel like my MC would feel like they didn’t deserve it with that knowledge in mind. I never would have taken that option if I had known from the beginning the circumstances of MC’s promotion. My MC’s whole attitude would have been different if I had known that.
And for a novel it makes sense to introduce us slowely to the MC. It gives a nice feeling while rereading a novel to see all the things that now make sense. But this is no novel, not in the classical sense. Here having something like this only cleary communicated so late in the game is frustrating because it basically means I have to restart the whole game from the start to integrate this information in the character I build. It’s about player agency and consistent character building.
And this is something that I would expect to have a huge influence on the way MC perceives their job and this case tbh. It’s not just their first case it’s their first case and they know that they are technically in no way qualified for the job, not just expirience, that should lead to different reactions and emotions as just having it be their first case, from being desperate, overwhelmed, stubborn, spiteful, scared to fuck up or just highly motivated to prove their worth. And I think the reader/player should know it in all of it’s meaning, but we really only get to know about the whole deal with MC during chapter 6 and what gets teased about it is more frustrating…
I didn’t say you lied to us or that this was writen with the intention to lie to the player, I just said it ended up feeling like the narrative/the game lied to me. If I thought this effect was your intention I wouldn’t even mention it, but as don’t think so I thought I should at least tell you that it can feel that way.
It’s not the way you write, it’s the way the game (mechanic) is constructed, that’s two different things. Your writing style is fine, it’s just noticable that by now you mostly wrote for a different medium.
I… don’t really know what you want me to say? I’m sorry the way the game is written frustrates you, I really do want everyone to enjoy it. But, I obviously just write very differently.
That’s not to say I won’t go back and have a look and see if I can make things clearer- some of the things you suggested are good points. Hopefully if I can clarify a few things here and there it might help with developing the MC from the start- but I’m probably not going to make huge changes to the way the game is written. I like how most of it is, writing that way keeps me going, even if that doesn’t work for everyone.
You’re obviously very good at picking up on narrative flow for this medium, so I really appreciate the pointers for it. I will take your advice on board for future books too
Nothing tbh. I just wanted to clarify my points and that I’m aware that you try your best/that I know that it’s not your intention if things end up inconsistently. I tried to clarify that you should not take the things I point out as personal accusations, but as really nothing else as my opinion about the way the game plays by now, also because I’m only one person pointing things like that out other peoples opinions may differ (that’s why I worded it as a question in the first post).
Basically I try to not be mean in my not that competent ways. I’m sorry if you felt attacked by me.
@Sammysam - No worries about that! I wasn’t sure if you were upset at me or the book, and I really didn’t want it to be either (I don’t have a very thick skin, I admit, lol, but I understand people have their views!)
I didn’t want you to feel that I was being blase over the points you made (some of which I will definitely take on board- your points on stats from before is also something I have looked at throughout the game too), whilst I was also trying to give my response without upsetting you
I know it’s hard to get across the right feel to something just over text!
But- to lighten the mood a bit- I do have a progress update
Update
I didn’t manage to finish the second branch of Chapter 9 like I’d hoped Work commitments got in the way a bit. But, I am almost there! So near the end of it. Then I can finally move onto Chapter 10, which will be an intense chapter to write- but fun
I’m also hoping I’ve managed to make things flow a bit smoother for the male players when it comes to the flirt scenes. Definitely a less feminine feel to those now!
I also realised I don’t actually think I’ve described what Bobby looks like yet, lol. Definitely have to rectify that!
Overall though I’m really pleased with how it’s coming along. Getting really into the thick of the story!
I will talk to you guys on Monday! Have a great weekend everyone
@Seraphinite It’s quite alright, I’m pretty sure everyone has their own Bobby pictured in their heads because we all have traits we associate with that kind of person. Mine’s a brunette beanpole douchebag with nice hair.
Also! I would love to be a part of your beta when you’re ready to release it!!
I picture him as the type of person whose appearance looks harmless enough due to them being able to keep a really good poker face that looks like it’s just your average reporter just looking for a relatively harmless story. But around Detective MC, they don’t even try to hide how sneaky and suspicious their true expressions come off as, especially if the Detective had some type of past relationship with them (showing their more honest expressions to taunt Detective MC more than anything).
After reading on particular question on @Seraphinite’s tumblr asking if Bobby ever cared about Detective MC, I’m honestly curious how they’d react to learning about Detective MC being in a relationship with one of the Unit Bravo members if they themselves were once iin a relationship with Detective MC? Would they consider the discovery a major scoop (a small town detective and a member of a top secret agency sounds like a major story to pull a number of people in) or would they have a surprisingly different reaction (I honestly doubt it; they’d probably just be like ‘OH BOY; THIS SCOOP IS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP’).
I have a very low opinion of Bobby, even moreso after he did that story when people were already even more fearful and anxious after the second murder. Lupin would honestly forget his relative calm friendliness and break Bobby’s recorder or camera if he even TRIES to approach him or someone Lupin knows for details, not matter the consequences that would crop from the moment (he’s pretty stressed after the moment with Ava by the end of the demo)
Honestly. Tom Hiddleston comes to mind for Bobbie. I figure any FC has to be charming when he wants to be as well as knowing how to really get under your skin smug. Tom does that really well imo
Tom also is relatively attractive enough to theoretically be MC’s boyfie if ever without being too modelesque handsome in the way Bravo is
If F!Bobbie then, Rachel McAdams? Deceptively pretty and can do undercover really well since many might underestimate her? She can also do the charming yet can be a total smug bitch vibe (Regina George anyone?)
Tom Hiddleston… Hmmm xD Probably his Loki persona but he lacks the smugness in my opinion. Urghh… XD I just don’t want to connect Bobby with Tom. He is just too precious. XD Sorry for the off topic. Hahah
Yes but Adrianne falls into that Greek Goddess characterization. I think she’d be great as A, since she seems to fall into the right category features-wise. For OUR Bobby, female Bobby that is, I’d say if we’re going for S.H.I.E.L.D. actors I’d say Elizabeth Henstridge. The actress that played Jemma Simmons.
I just didn’t want the first opening of the game to be a huge info dump. The way it’s written is probably much more like a novel than a game, especially at the start, but this is because I have never written interactive fiction before.
Work commitments got in the way a bit. But, I am almost there! So near the end of it. Then I can finally move onto Chapter 10, which will be an intense chapter to write- but fun 
!! I am SO invested in the entire Fitz-Simmons saga!!