The Wayhaven Chronicles: Book One (WIP)

Then it is a strange nickname.

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Not really - perhaps the spelling is not usual but it is still used and encountered.

Edit: Bobbie is the most common spelling for females but I’ve encountered Bobby before in school among other places.


“He sounds serious,” the one who was laughing says, amusement still hanging on his words.

I don’t think my character could see it was a guy. In every other instance you were using the pronome them.

A pain in the ass to read in a phone. Need more paragraphs. Well flow overall good atmosphere even if in my opinion, lacks of the noir glamour a detective story should have it is more CSI style i suppose. My main criticismis the totally lack of personality of Mc is insert bland generic personality here. I prefer less fake choice of colour of hair and more choose a personality about why i am a detective, i don’t care people’s or justice i am here for money and fame type of choices. Your story is al goodie .


It has been a while since a WIP has left me this excited for more! :smiley: It was truly enjoyable, both im terms of writing and story. I liked the choices, even though some of them were a bit redundant (e.g. “ebony black hair”). I could see my character take shape as I read on. While the choices are of the typical “pick your personality, pick your skill” sort, they were still presented in a such a variety of ways that I didn’t find myself repeating myself or losing that sense of immersion. I loved the fact that you got to see things from another perspective than just the MC, like the strangers’ reaction to them – I was so amused by their reaction to me shooting them, even though it wasn’t truly my MC’s intention. :joy: The ending surprised me, and it left me hanging for more in a way I haven’t felt in a way with a demo.

The only bad thing to point out, for me, aside from the redundancy in the choices, is the huge amount of text at once. I played on my laptop and wasn’t as bothered by it, but I know trying this on my phone or tablet would’ve made me dizzy and prone to lose interest quicker. It would be good to cut down the amount a little. I don’t mind a bit of text, but it got a bit overwhelming in terms of paragraphs and some of the conversations were a little on the awkward side, but I’m not much better at writing dialogue myself. For a demo of this sort, it was rather well done. Normally, I tend to find a lot more grammar errors and awkward pacing and too much or too little at once. It might’ve been some of it here, but I was so caught up in the story and the setting and the characters that I didn’t even notice much of it. :sweat_smile:

I had a lot to say, haha! I know it’s not the most original concept, but I liked the idea of it being set in a small town with us as a fledgeling(sp?) detective. Looking forward to seeing more of this! :wink:


Pronoun issues.

“Who the hell is she?” one of them asks.


The crack of the gun is like lightening

I don’t like being forced to shoot the gun.


Thats true. I tried playing as a calm character yet they still turned out to be trigger happy. That was a bit out of character to me.

Perhaps make it so that they hurt themselves accidentally instead?


@BoisterousBumblebee - Thank you for checking out the demo and giving your feedback :smiley: I was a bit concerned about the intro, so it’s nice to be reassured that you enjoyed it!

@attolia - I’m glad you liked The Lady’s Choice- it’s quite a bit different doing this kind of interactive fiction, compared to visual novels, but I am hoping to learn quick :slight_smile:

@avidreader - Thank you so much for checking it out!

@Fiogan - Diving in Deep is a bit of a blast from the past :smiley: My first ever visual novel. Hope you enjoy the demo if you get the chance!

@Urban- Yeah, I was going the Robert/Roberta route with ‘Bobby’, might be tempted to use a better genderless name though. Thank you for catching that error with the ‘him’! :slight_smile:

@Eiwynn - Thank you so much for taking the time to give feedback! The formatting is definitely something I will take on board. I think it’s because I don’t have to code in sprites, so I tend to shift back into novel-writing mode and get a bit wordy :smiley:
The stats are something I am definitely still sorting out. There’s going to be hidden ones, and also some team stats (once you join the team!).

@Cherry_Summer - Thank you so much for playing it, I’m so glad you liked it :slight_smile:

@poison_mara - Thank you for the feedback! :slight_smile: I’m definitely hope to give more of a modern detective-type feel, rather than a noir type one. The hair colour choices and things were mainly just to get people slowly into the game- I didn’t want to blast people with major story choices or anything from the get-go :smiley: The meaningful choices will definitely come into it more as your character goes further into the story (you will even get the chance to decide why you became a detective).

@Samthane - Thank you for the feedback, it’s great to hear such lovely comments! But, yeah, I’m definitely having to shift out of visual novel mode for the dialogue and back into… something else :smiley: Think it’s taking me a while. I’m glad you liked the perspectives. I wasn’t sure if it would be something that people would enjoy in an interactive fiction, so it’s nice to know you enjoyed it!

@FairyGodfeather - Thank you for checking out the demo, and catching those errors! The gun firing is something I want to change. There will be a choice at that moment- I just haven’t fully planned the other choices and outcomes yet. When I get stumped on a particular scene, I tend to move and come back to it later :smiley:

Thank you for the comments and feedback! I’m still dipping my toe into the interactive fiction waters, so anything you can teach me or let me know about is brilliant! :slight_smile:


Finished the demo, and I love it :slight_smile: I don’t really have anything constructive to add that hasn’t already been said, though, sorry.

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@Spyder - Thank you for checking it out! I’m glad you enjoyed it so much :smiley: I hope you enjoy the rest of it!

@DevilTheCupcake - I’m really glad you enjoyed it :slight_smile: Thank you for playing it through!


I’m pleasantly surprised to see you here! You might remember me from commenting on **The Lady’s Choice ** on itchi.o. So I’m glad to see you creating a text adventure too.

I like what you’ve given us so far. The introduction to the soon to be bodyguards was very amusing. :joy:

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I really liked this ; -) Hope to see more of Felix :smiley:

Well at least it establishes to that Adam guy that my mc ain’t no doormat. :grin:

Aww, to each their own, I feel my character and Adam are starting to bond already. :wink:


:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: @idonotlikeusernames enough said xD

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I read the code and found a bug. If your character is make and you choose to be bisexual, all of the RO will be women.

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@Seraphinite Is it safe to assume that the Agency is made up of Supernatural creatures and humans and their job is too keep bad monsters in check?
Does the MC know that their mum is alive?

@Hazuki - I do remember :smiley: (I hope you enjoyed Amesbury’s route!)
I always like to have a bit of fun with introductions, so I’m glad it came across that way :slight_smile:

@GloriaRose - You’ll definitely be seeing plenty more of Felix :wink:

@idonotlikeusernames - The option to shoot will still be in there- there will just be other options too, for those who don’t want to take that option. I’m hoping to have good ranges of options as I go, especially the further we get into the story and past the introduction stuff :smiley:

@Urban - Thanks for checking that out! I’ll make sure to change it up :slight_smile:

@avidreader - The Agency is made up of teams of supernatural creatures (usually four to a team) and they are assigned a human handler. The supernatural world is still kept very secret from humans.
The MC does know that their mother is alive (I’m thinking of adding in a choice for people to decide what kind of relationship they have with their mother). But, although the MC knows their mother is an agent for some kind of agency, they don’t realise what exactly that is… that’ll be a nice surprise :smiley:

I’m going to admit I got a little downhearted at the comments about the choices not being very, uh, good? :smiley: But, I thought, instead of just getting upset and de-motived, I just got to improve them!

I do plan to have more story-changing, and relationship-changing things later, but a lot of the intro is just setting up the world and the MC- are there better choices you would like to see to do that? I thought it was better to have some lighter more fun things at the start, and obvious skill-building things to establish a character before diving into the deep stuff, but maybe not?

Thank you for any help you can offer :slight_smile:


Are the four vampires on your mother’s team the four romance options?

Yep they are! :slight_smile: The four you’re introduced to at the very end of the demo are the four romance options:

  • Adam/Ava
  • Nate/Nat
  • Felix/Farah
  • Mason/Morgan

They’re all on the MC’s mother’s team, and have been for a long time.

Sorry, I also didn’t answer your question from your other comment! I’ll blur this in case anyone wants to find out about the world through the story- The Agency goes after supernatural beings who break the rules of the peace treaty set between supernaturals and humans. (Supernaturals don’t come from our world, they fall through gaps in the walls between parallel worlds, and the Agency help them adjust to our world but also make sure they stay in line.)


I personally don’t expect for there to be any especially heavy choices in the beginning of a game. I might add an asexual option when you’re choosing orientation, or another option for something less binary when choosing your gender. I think you’ve already said that you’re going to add a choice for the whole shooting scene, so the choices (this far, at least) seem fine to me.