@Joser_Jekter Ahaha, yeah I hear that “What’s going on here?” so clearly in my head when reading it I didn’t think of that when I wrote it, though!
Oh, it’d be interesting to see a conversation between Solas and Azur. They might share certain similarities, actually, but they’d probably not get along very well hehe.
@E_RedMark Oh no D: I’ll look through and see if I can find it!
@pandaboi No, you didn’t; I wrote the wrong percentage during that scene. It should work fine now, though! Sorry for the inconvenience
@Eli_Knight Aw, thank you so much! I’m so happy you like it
@simza Thank you for the long message! I really love reading long evaluations about my writing!
I’m really happy you like G despite not usually liking their type and I’m pleased that most of the characters seem to appeal to you in different ways!
And being compared to Wayhaven is such a huge compliment! Thank you
All in all, thank you so so much again for the long comment
@mahariel Wow, thank you so much for this! It’s really important that I improve the text as much as I can, so I really appreciate all the help. I will go through the scenes and correct it as soon as I can!
Can I say something blasphemous? Honestly, I like Q, M and R better than any of the characters in Wayhaven and that’s really saying something 'cause I really loved Wayhaven Chronicles book one.
But saw Rivalery . Is it gonna be like DA2 kind of rivalery system?
Also , will we have a chance to have scenes where we can have dialogues to form friendship?
Like for exemple , we have that scene to go talk to someone right ? and based on who we pick…we can form a romance (or show interest) , insult someone (grow rivalery) or just be plain nice enough to be friend . But again , you can only go see ONE person .
@grimbutnotalways I absolutely love the characters of Wayhaven Chronicles; they’re all really well written and easy to be drawn to, so I consider this an enormous compliment! Though I think the characters are very different in Wayhaven compared to mine, so it’s kind of difficult to put them side by side (and of course some will think that the characters of TSS are really shitty compared to TWC; that’s just how it is with tase ).
@E_RedMark Kind of like DA2? In the demo, you can only choose one person, but I’m going to include a lot more interactions scenes that will allow you to spend time with more than one person; sometimes maybe even having the choice of interact with one, and then interact with another. I really don’t want to make the players have to choose just one character to spend time with, but to be able to form a romantic relationship as well as a friendly/rival one. So that will come into play later!
And yes, the friendship scenes vary very much from the romantic ones. There isn’t that much to show at this stage, but certain thoughts and such in certain scenes play out differently based on if you’ve had a romantic, friendly or rival moment with a character in the extended demo
will it ? lol can’t tell if you are asking me or saying it will be . I love DA2 , so for me…the rival friendship system open up alot of ‘Let’s play again! But this time X gonna be rival and Y gonna be friend!’ .
YAY! Good to hear . I know it must be alot of work , so wishing you the best !
@E_RedMark lmao, I’m sorry haha. I meant that it will kind of be like DA2, you know, the interactions will change a lot if you gain enough rival points with someone. Same with friend and romance.
My intention is that the reader will get the chance to romance a character and still have time to have scenes with other characters. If you spend time with 2 different characters and gain romance for both, jealousy scenes will trigger for example.
Thanks! I know it’ll be a lot of work, but I’m totally up for it
Oh noe! she is smiling! and look at meh! Ow mah face hurt! shit…what if it stay forever all mushed up! Eeek! Gotta run before this turn into a horror movie ! ‘death in the attic’
actually , no . I don’t find her intimidating . Homewhever , if you do pick up that first line right when the demo start ‘‘Curling into a ball, screaming’’…so DOH! you can bet I’m gonna play someone who is overly dramatic…to the point where everyone wanna strangle you!
Q is too cute to be intimidating honestly…and you forgot that you written Q’s greenish eyes have a calm and serenity effect when i look into her eyes … so hmmm, if such is the case, i don’t think Q is intimidating when Quarie already “calm” us
She shakes his head, letting out a light, nervous laughter. "And yet, here you are, claiming this used to be your home.
Why are you so eager to know about this house, anyway?" I say, doing my best to keep my calm.
myself calm
“There is something strange about this house, David. Something… Unnatural. That’s exactly why I left the door open; it’s a safety measure so that whatever is inhabiting this place won’t be able to attack me.”
Can MC tell her that in all the horror movies ghost deliberately closes all doors and windows first
The strange, pink eyed woman open up her arms as if she wants to embrace me, but instead gestures wildly to our surroundings
opens
When I don’t respond, she shifts his head to try and look at me. “David?”
Though it’s painfully obvious who she is referring to, Azuridia shows no sign of listening. Instead, she study her nails with a bored expression.
studies or she’s studying
Gwendolyn gasps, looking oddly animated by my comment. “Did you hear that, Rheyla? The human think you’re beautiful.”
thinks
This does nothing to help the situation, though; Rheyla only tense up even more, and her expression turns from grave surprise to frantic shock.
tenses
Azuridia’s upper body curls forward a few centimeters, reminding me of a feline preparing to set it claws into its prey.
its
“And what if the shadows return?” Azuridia’s voice is low enough that only the ones closest by can make out her exact words.
close
“Stop being so damn dramatic all the time!” There is an genuine anger to Rheyla’s tone that is unusual even for her.
a
Rheyla’s gaze, which have been fixed on her sister throughout the entire exchange, finally breaks away.
The ‘my calm’ one, I’ve seen people say that before, Including me lol. “I’m trying to keep my calm here” Actually, I hear people say that a lot around me… I guess it could go both ways? I could 100% be wrong though cause honestly english may be my first language but boi do i suck at it xD
Wow. Great demo. Definitely one of the best of the WIP’s in recent developement. I think your indepth differentiation of the main characters really adds to the ability of the reader to become invested with one or multiple people. Really, the differing personalities are a great way to get your audience hooked. Obviously, a story is only as meaningful as your ability to relate to one or more protagonists and minor characters. I think you’ve handled this very well so far and look forward to more.
Good job.
@E_RedMark Oh, I misunderstood your previous comment, then! I thought you were freaked out by Q smiling
@Eric_knight Though I can’t give anything away as of now, Q’s ability will come into play later, you’ll see more of its effects and such then
@AmericanShakespeare Thank you so much! I’ll fix it asap!! Though I’m pretty sure that @nulCat is right, and it can actually be used? Though English isn’t my first language, but I’m pretty sure I’ve heard/seen it used several times… Ugh, now I don’t know, actually I’ll try and look it up more
@Kurvo Oh, thank you so, so much! I really wanted the characters to have their own quirks, not only so that there would be variation but in order to create several different dynamics between them as well (ex. R and A’s complicated rivalry, G’s odd but friendly relation to R etc). I hope the options for the MC are differing as well so that you’re able to play as you want Thank you again!
@nulCat Not bad at all! I actually kind of like the thought… Though R is a bit too weirded out by G, and G sees R more like someone, uh, “teasable” for it to work, haha
@2xs Yeah, I think you’re right. I’m gonna keep that in mind when writing!
I didn’t think of that when I wrote it, though!
I’ll try and look it up more
