Hi this is Chris Nguyen and I’m an aspiring writer. Interactive fiction, I feel, is a great medium for telling stories. It gives the person whose reading, a degree of agency and provides a greater level of engagement.
I’d like to bring to this forum a project of mine I’ve been working on, called Gambit. This is a tale which plays out in a dark / low fantasy setting. You play as a new recruit to an ancient order devoted to guarding the realms of man. As the player you can customize your training, the weapons you arm yourself with and the armor you don. The story is mostly set in the present but it has a few chapters which reach into the players past.
I won’t say much more than this here because I would like you to go through the demo and find out for yourself. This is my first shot at creating IF so please excuse or otherwise alert me to any errors you may encounter. If you can spare the time I would love to hear from you. What are your impressions? What did you like? What did you hate? Thank you for reading. Have a great day.
This looks interesting and ill definitely check it out.
I would like to request more info in the post about the story though, always a good idea to set expectations and let readers know what there getting into. For example if its a dark fantasy story and has some trigger warning worthy content that would be important to be up-front about. If there’s romance an over view of the RO would not be remiss either so people know who’s on the proverbial market and not fall in love with characters their not supposed too(its probably gonna happen regardless but still )
Please include trigger warnings for sexism and sexual harassment. I…did not appreciate running into the harassment scene without being warned beforehand. Would it be possible to add an option for the MC to avoid it or to choose how they react to it? I saw that it only happens if you play as a girl. If the scene must play out this way, I think it would be good to give an option to choose how they feel about it after they have escaped back to the kitchen. This will give the MC and the player back some agency after being violated like that.
Also I think you may have been a bit too subtle about how the MC feels about the childhood friend before we pick them. I thought we were just picking a friend and was surprised when the MC said they liked them. I do admit I’m asexual and some degree of aromantic which does me no favors in trying to read the signs I think it may be better to let the MC choose how they feel about their childhood friend unless this crush is necessary for the story.
Overall, we’re 3 chapters in and I know a lot about the Scun, but I still don’t understand the MC’s motivations for joining. It’s making it a bit hard to connect with the MC and become invested in the story. I do like the world building though and am interested in finding out more.
Uhm, what? That’s the whole point of a trigger warning…so you know if there’s something in the story that’ll trigger you. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having heavy themes in a story, and a content/trigger warning doesn’t take away from that.
I like what i have seen so far ( just began ch 2), but, i would like to suggest that u put some indicantion whos talking or add space like the rest of the dialogues… an example:
Please include trigger warnings for sexism and sexual harassment.
I had kinda hoped the ‘Mature themes’ on the Content Warnings section would suffice, can see how that may not be the case. I’ll update the cover page right now. Thanks.
I think it may be better to let the MC choose how they feel about their childhood friend unless this crush is necessary for the story.
Unfortunately the crush thing is a bit necessary for the story.
I still don’t understand the MC’s motivations for joining. It’s making it a bit hard to connect with the MC and become invested in the story. I do like the world building though and am interested in finding out more.
Well that’s one vote for world building.
Yeah it’s a bit of gradual reveal. Sorry you’re having difficulty getting into it.
Thank you. That’s nice to hear. I was a bit concerned regarding the reception because this was meant to be a bit different compared to other IF’s out there. Thankfully so far not too shabby.
I really like the idea of the story - this sort of world building is definitely something I enjoy. My only critique is more or less grammar/formatting-focused. I’ve noticed a few paragraphs that have more than one speaker within. Generally, you want to start a new paragraph when there’s a change of who is speaking. I don’t know if this might be due to writing in choice script or not - I know that if you want to start a new paragraph, you need to have a space in between each one or else choice script will clump it all into one massive paragraph.
So if I was coding in choice script, this sentence would be added to the end of the paragraph above.
This sentence would stand on its own.
Anyways, that’s all I have to say so far. I’ll be keeping an eye on this one, though. Good luck!
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