I’ve begun work on my new game The Line Officer. In it, in a fictional World War II setting, the player takes on the role of a Second Lieutenant newly assigned to the 3rd Northern Grenadiers, a regiment engaged in a grueling conflict on a war-torn front. The story unfolds as the player navigates the complexities of military life, leadership, and the harsh realities of combat.
Chapter 2 is up! The word count is now over 10,000. Demo
Change log: - 18/9/2024
Rewritten Chapter 1 - 2,000 words
New Player stats
Chapter 2 - 3,000 words
English is not my first language, and both writing and coding do not come naturally to me. This project is an attempt to stay busy during a trying time. I will try to finish a chapter every week.
Your help in designing and writing will be most welcome.
Really make me miss allengeiss armored warfare. Good prologue chapter and make me wondering how the stats will be raised and will we manage the item supply number or not
I am a very simple gal. I see a world war 2 IF. And I am immediately enthralled. Doubly so with the fact I am able to play as a woman.
Things to note as feedback. Some of it more personal and others less so.
Firstly, context. I highly suggest you add some measure of context for who the Northern grenadiers are. I.E nationality, front, date. Etc. I am guessing they are somewhat representing the UK but I am entirely unsure of it. Let alone if we are exactly fighting the germans. I am inclined to believe so judging by the MG ambush.
Secondly. This is more personal so you can feel free to dismiss it if you feel more comfortable writing it this way but I am not personally a big faj of the:
Name: “Spoken text”
This style of writing for me is a little distracting. I personally prefer it to be more in the text itself, with the speaker identified through context or a Blake said after the fact. But this is a personal peeve of mine and I can understand if it can be difficult to write that way.
Lastly. I am really excited to see what you have further in store though my feedback is naturally limited by how little there is to work with right now. I did not notice any notable grammatical error. Except a missing quotation mark in the first option in the first choice presented.
With that. I bid you much fun with writing this. I’ll be following this eagerly.
The Structure would be Regiments and then it goes down to Battalions and then Companies and last but not least Platoons and The HQ would be it’s own Company within A Battalion so the HQ would be the Battalion HQ. You do get Regimental HQ’s too that will give Commands to Battalions but Regimental HQ will not always be on the same front. The Reason why is Because the whole Regiment may not be fighting in the same Regions since one Battalion will be sent to North Africa while Battalion B will be Stationed in Asia.
I would say this is interesting but could do with more detail about describing the situation, also can MC ride a tank later? Or just being foot soldier, not sure about the British world war II doctrine but isn’t there compact troops with transport vehicle and armor combined arms sort of thing?
Honestly I have not given much thought on world building yet. So Northern Grenadiers, should ideally be named after a location or just a number or some kind of honor bestowed by government. The world and war are both fictional but referencing ww2 for most of the writing. The nationality, country or causes are yet to be chalked out. I started to write with only having a platoon level engagements in mind but somehow wrote alot without much focus on it yet.
Now that you mentioned spoken text, I can’t unsee it. Don’t know how much I can fix but will rework entire chapter 1.
You are absolutely correct. I meant By 3 Northern Grenadiers I meant 3rd battalion of the N. Grenadiers as the main formation. Somewhere in between i decided to make it an one battalion regiment like cavalry. Which should mean 3GR is the complete regiment designation. I am still stuck at platoon and company level so have not given much thought on regiment or battalion focused action. As some countries did use regiments as main fighting block under divisions instead of brigades, I am keen to explore that route too. Thanks and keep bringing up good questions to help me think better.
Our MC so far is in an infantry unit. No mention of his commissioning. Some armies have policy of sending all young officers to an infantry unit on attachment before training them on other corps specific skills.
I’m excited to announce that Chapter 2 of my game The Line Officer is now available! The total word count has surpassed 10,000 words.
Changelog:
Rewritten Chapter 1 - 2,000 words
New Player stats
Chapter 2 - 3,000 words
Your feedback and support mean a lot to me as I continue to develop this project. I’m also looking forward to connecting with ideation partners who have more knowledge in writing, coding, or military history.
Huge potential to be a banger, I’d advice on implementing a stat page for directions on army ranks and such - for those readers who aren’t familiar with that. I’d also advice for a stat page for RO’s and other NPC’s to fall back to cause there’s a few characters in the game, remembering all their names and ranks is kinda difficult.
The writing style is crisp and immersive, and the flowability is good for now, although the prologue battle scene can do with some NPC char’s reactions and more narration of the same, instead of the third person POV throughout.
The small checks in the second chapter and the action balance type of gameplay was engaging and I found great interest in traversing that part of the story, not to mention increasing the replayability of the story as well.
I wanted to create a short story with just a chapter or two like Marine Raider. But things going out of hand.
Thanks for pointing out the typo and not using variable for Sir/Ma’am thing. May be will just go with Sir, standard in our side of world for both male and female.
1)+3) that’s alright. As long as the story is engaging and is fun to read and play through, it is a success. Doesn’t have to be a million words long novel imo if you keep it interesting and appealing.
I feel having ROs isn’t a necessity so to speak, given the premise or the author’s intention to implement one. If it ain’t broken, no need to change it…a story can be good without having any RO. I can point out a dozen IFs that have gained renoun based on the storyline alone with the ROs being flavour material in the background. So rest assured, it’s not a necessity at all.
