The Fallen Order Updated June 15th

it most likely unbalanced so I apologize about that in the rework I will fix that as well. and @enigmind222 heres the teaser

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Hello, I know it has been a while and the game has been updated, this marks the Update Post on this thread, the next update shall be made on a new thread for the New Order good luck

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thank you too i love your Demo by the way :slight_smile:

I sorry about that there must be rementats of the pre-rework story still in there.

I have finished reworking chapter one
chapter_one

so hears the ending quote cause I like quotes

"The important thing to know about an assassination or an attempted assassination is not who fired the shot, but who paid for the bullet.”
― Eric Ambler

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Gotta say besides for a few bugs I like how you reworked chapter one

thanks and welcome back from basic training

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I hope you wont stop making this. HEIL Mathias Ratzenberger! (My character)

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First off, Wow that name sounds so German.

Second, I wouldn’t ever quit this project. this is currently my passion. see when I first started this, I wasn’t using CSIDE, which helps me work on it. this caused my earlier sections in the game to be mediocre in my opinion. so after taking a semi-long hiatus, I learned that part of the game was unbalance which has given me the opportunity to rework those earlier sections of the game

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Thanks. 2 advices I give you.
1st: If you want the character’s name to be after certain culture, go to Behind The Name Generator website.

2nd: Its not a big problem, but it would be better if you did spaces after dots (end of sentence) and started new sentence with a CAPS.

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yeah sorry about everything in number 2, I just don’t notice those kind of things

Hello there author man.

I have some issues with this, which is a shame since the idea I am fond of.

The current writing style is very breazy and too impersonal.

Stuff just happens.

“The people are being naughty pick a guy”
picks guy
“Rioters happening”
Tells them to go away or stay
“Now we are talking about how you were elected”
*BROWN EYES MAN INTENSIFIES
“Now its something about your brother”

Stuff just happens one after another, and Im unsure if its meant to be important or not. I hope this is just for chappy one since if the whole game is done in this uber fast breezy style it will be quite hard to feel any connection to anything.

Secondly your grammar is quite… bleh.

Like before writing new content you should find yourself a free editing software, chuck everything you got in there, then re-release what you have. Since at the moment there are lots of V E R Y noticeable mistakes, such as lack of capital letters, words being smushed together, incorrect spelling such as when I saw “Familiay”

You just need to fix these things up then you should be good chief.

that, that’s just great. all of your criticisms are valid, I think most of my problems are coming off of my writing style and my lack of focus. so as i’m currently reworking all of this, it will hopefully all be fixed.

Yay.

it has been almost 4 months since I updated this, but once I have access to the files(I’m not at my laptop at the moment, I update what I have, so be on the lockout for it all

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so I updated it, with my redone version for the first part of the game, but I’m at the point that this is how I fell about the game

sorry if this get you a notification Eiwyn, but this is how I kinda fell about, not so much the “lose sight of its better qualities” part yet, but still, so I’m thinking about redoing the beginning again.

for basically anything I write I can never get satisfied with the beginning, just never. so here’s
what I got so far, it sorta a dream sequence/vision and it weirdly written, but its a dream so its supposed to be like that. give me your thoughts on this

I Walk this City

i can't see, I'm am blind, yet i have not be blinded

It is- it must be Pitch Black - the lights are off. yest i can't see the stars.

i could see the stars in the night, my will to see means it is night.

i am blind, the moon is asleep but it is night.

the sun is asleep as well

The balancers are asleep, both at their weakest neither at their strongest

Chaos Reigns tonight.
*page_break
I'm here, in this glass house.

I work here, this is my job

I hear the storm brewing, the thunder rolls, the lightning strikes,

it illuminates, yet i see nothing

but i know now, the protector is dead, the fragility has been exposed. one crack and its all gone

a voice speaks to me.

"you have studied and yearn for so long, everlasting searching for it is at its end.

"Embrace your studies, embrace Perfection"

"Open your eyes and see the Truth"

I'm Resiting, i don't no why but i am, my willpower is faltering
*page_break Resist 
"Be Blind No Longer"

With this, my will is out, i can no longer resist

but i see nothing, i hear a loud bang, i fell a pain in my chest, i think i'm falling. 

i hear a crack, a shatter, and i know i'm falling. 

i fell like i can see, but i think i have been blinded. 

these thoughts are unusual, like they're not mine

but this is madness, these thought must be mine

yet i know

they are not

but that can't be, it would be crazy, it would be [i]madness[/i]

these thoughts that must be mine but are not, are the thoughts of madness

[i]my madness[/i]
*page_break I See
I Awake with a Startle, my dream has ended thankfully, i head out the the balcony so i can get fresh air but i look outside and see nothing, just a city, but that isn't normal for New Berlin, its just wrong for their to be nothing happening. i must still be dreaming. 

but i see something, something glorious
*choice
 #I see ORDER
 #I see TRADITION
 #I see WORSHIP
 #I see COMPROMISE

ORDER = Military Dictatorship/Fascism
TRADITION = Absolute Monarchy
WORSHIP = Theocracy/Cult
COMPROMISE = Democracy/Far-Left/Constitutional Monarchy

tradition or compromise may/will change later but this is what I got so far

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haven’t done much other than what I showed yall but here something I wrote
The Year is 1956, Alan Turning is speaking with Commissioner Mosley about the Invasion of British lands in Normandy. "Commissioner, Our Endeavor for the creation of a 'intelligent' AI, based on what I'm calling Diracian Computation, a idea me and Physicist Paul Dirac have created, we are trying to superimposed quantum mechanics on my Common Computation theory that we have based most military computers on. i wish you to have the government finance it. it will g-g-greatly strengthen our forces"

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so Progress report time,

so far, I have redone Startup.txt, which is the first scene you see and is where I make all the variables and whatnot. that’s at about 3K words or if you want to be specific 3333 words. it has an average playthrough length of 1961 words of just below 2K. it is a lot more in-depth and has far less spelling and grammar mistakes. another big thing is that the nation is changed from the New Order to the German Order, and you no longer lead a unified germany, the first section will be about unifying the nation of germany.

i’m also changing the game title to the Fallen Order.

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