The Devils Privilege [WIP] (CHAP 1 and 2 out now) 46k words (excl. code) UPDATED 7/5/24

[FableForge]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been a passionate fan of all kinds of Choice of Games for years, but I’ve always been especially drawn to those with a focus on romance and fantasy settings. After lurking for a long time, I’ve finally started my own project, which I’d like to introduce to you. (At the bottom, there’s a longer summary of the game’s plot, but it contains a few minor spoilers. For those who prefer to know where the story is headed before reading, feel free to check it out as well.)

Title: The Devil’s Privilege

Genre: Young Adult Fantasy Romance with Dark Elements

Brief Summary (without Spoilers): Welcome to the mysterious world of The Devil’s Privilege, where you make the decisions. Step into the role of the main character and experience how your life takes an unexpected turn as dark secrets come to light, and you find yourself in a world full of supernatural beings and ancient conflicts.

Imagine living a seemingly normal, boring life that leaves you unfulfilled. You don’t know what to do about it, but suddenly, eerie events and strange dreams disrupt your daily routine. Your workplace, the bar “The Privilege,” play a central role in your discovery.

Picture your shock when you find out that “The Privilege” is not just a meeting place for people, but hides another world in its basement, populated by mythical creatures and portals to secret dimensions. And imagine your total surprise when you discover that you’ve always been a part of it. There, you meet four fascinating demons, and your destiny takes a dramatic turn.

The game currently includes Chapter 1 and about 20,000 words (excluding code). I plan to release regular updates and hope you’ll enjoy it. The next update will also include the option for the MC to be nonbinary and bisexual. This is definitely planned, but I need to do some research on how to write certain scenes.

Please feel free to give me suggestions and feedback on what you find particularly positive or negative.

However, I have one request: this is a creative project that can’t make everyone happy, and I fully understand that. But the world and characters are dear to me, and YES, they can all sometimes be quite mean or even evil, but that’s part of the story and, especially for the love interests, part of their nature as demons. So, there will sometimes be dark elements in the romances. I ask anyone who might be triggered by this to refrain from reading it. That’s why there will always be a Trigger-Warning list after an update, which can be found here and will be updated as necessary

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/16519

Somewhat spoilery summery:

[spoiler]Welcome to a world where nothing is as it seems. In The Devil’s Privilege, you take on the role of a young witch or warlock who grew up in a distant but elite household. Your daily life is disrupted by strange dreams and eerie events that eventually lead you to the mysterious bar, “The Privilege”—a place that hides more than meets the eye.

When you discover the bar’s basement, a world full of demons and mythical creatures opens up to you. A group of powerful demons crosses your path, revealing the truth about your magical origins. A mystical ceremony binds you involuntarily to these demons, merging your powers.

But this is just the beginning. As you learn to master your newfound abilities and embark on dangerous missions, you uncover a dark conspiracy. An antagonist emerges with a plan to close the portal in “The Privilege,” a move that threatens not only the demons but the entire balance of the magical world.

Amidst battles, betrayal, and magical rituals, you develop a deep and complex relationship with one of your demon partners. Your bond is put to the test as the plans to close the portal become a reality. In an epic showdown, you and your allies race against time to keep the portal open and thwart the dark plans.[/spoiler]

[Ragil_Zarqoo]

Good so far. So I’m gonna comment in this thread so that i can get updated

[Big_fan1231]

Can you add saveslots

[FableForge]

Thanks for the reminder, I had completely forgotten about that. But since the next update is supposed to include a large number of words, it’s probably a very good idea. It has just been implemented.

[FableForge]

Thank you, I’m planning a bigger update soon and hope you’ll read it.

[Jenna_V]

I enjoyed it. The only constructive criticism I can offer is that the introduction of the demonic four came across as fairly repetitive, basically introducing hair color, eye color and an adjective or two for personality. I realize there’s a limited amount you can do in that context, but I feel like it would be helpful to add some extra variety to the sentence structure.

If I were writing it myself, I think I’d focus on establishing some identifiable personality traits/quirks first, then describe them physically when the MC meets them. That adds an element of discovery when the reader finds out which appearances go with which personality.

That’s just one way to do it, of course. I do feel like, given their importance to the story, those four need either more significant differentiation in those initial moments or they should be kept as vague as possible until the MC encounters them. What was there felt a little bit Xena Uberfic “the blond and the brunette” to me.

Totally your call, though! As I said, I otherwise enjoyed it!

[FableForge]

Thank you so much for taking the time. I actually just finished editing and found your feedback really helpful. I will definitely incorporate it and do some fine-tuning on that.

[Thanatos]

Did you upload it? So thats why my saves bugged! And here i was almost sending my phone to the trash hahah
I liked what i haven seen so far, although it wasnt that far for me to have a solid feedback to give

[Yungeen1]

Cant wait too see what this story becomes it seems amazing so far

[ArtemisFowl]

Wow… This is great! The pacing is done smoothly and you wrote professionally! Good work!

[FableForge]

Oh damn. Yeah, that must have been me. Good thing you didn’t throw away your phone. Sorry, I didn’t think about that. From now on, I’ll only add or adjust things in one upload. There are many things I didn’t think to consider, but I solemnly vow to do better.

[FableForge]

Thank you so so much. English isn’t my native language, so writing feels like a double-edged sword sometimes. Your feedback means a lot to me.

[FableForge]

Thank you very much! I plan to release a new update soon because the next chapter is where things really start to happen.

[Cingulum_diaboli]

It would be nice if there was an option that MC is not interested in either men or women and doesn’t pay attention to physical attractiveness.

[Dawn_Mason]

I really enjoyed this it flows nicely and I’m very excited to see where it goes keep up the good work

[Lyle_Schiefer]

Another great Find

[Harley_Robin_Evans]

Sounds interesting

[taldira]

This is really good, writing is especially way above average, very interested in seeing more.

[FableForge]

Chapter 2 Update Complete: The update is about 26,000 words (excluding code), bringing the game to a total of around 46,000 words (excluding code). As always, I’m grateful for your feedback. I’ve also made some edits to Chapter 1, and I’m afraid this might mess up your saved games - sorry about that.

Trigger Warnings: Violence and creepy elements. There are fight scenes, but the violence isn’t described in too much detail. Still, it’s part of the game. So, please don’t continue reading if that’s not for you.

[Cingulum_diaboli]

I enjoyed the beginning of this story but it turned out that MC is again - in Wayhaven style - confused ignorant and suddenly a bunch of arrogant, magical types show up and save them while treating them with contempt and condescension Can’t stand that trope.
These new characters are really hard to like as opposed to the twins or even Ash.