Hiya guys! first off a little warning I have trouble with spelling and grammar, so Grammar Nazi’s you have been warned and are also very welcome seeing as I’m sure I’ve missed some with my dictionary thrice over…
Second I’m still not all that good with a spoiler-less summary so I’ll try and then tell you about the world instead Kay?
coughcough
In this you follow a man called Tóng Jīng from the age of 15 onwards in his search all across China for the thing stolen from him.
You play as his most trusted childhood friend who also happens to be a spirit.
So that’s all I can think of to write with summary next world thing-
Even though I’ve set it in an anicant China setting it is only my understanding of it so it is a fantasy version of it, and imput is also welcome as I’m more at home with Japanese stuff anyway…
I say that because at the start of this I thought “hey why not it can’t be any or much different from Japan” I was so wrong…
Ok so time period even if it doesn’t follow Chinese history is some point in the Tang dy-thingy (spellings?) or just after it because it seems a time when everyone has artistic values which helps spirit MC later.
If you think I’ve missed anything ask away but I probably can only answer about the world in confidence of not giving away spoilers, I have a curse where I don’t know what counts as spoilers or not…
I like where you are going with the setting particularly in including all the Chinese characters, but there aren’t enough choices. I think there were three choices total in the whole demo so far. You have to break it up more than that in this format and if you are going to include large walls of text you have to have previous choices be relevant and change the displayed text.
I can sympathize with trying something different than the standard character setup screen and jump into the story but you have to find a way to break up what you got so far.
The demo was a great intro to the story and characters, I’m looking forward to you continuing it, but it lacked choices and I felt like my characters personality was already decided. I didn’t agree with some of their responses and actions, which could have been used as a opportunity to personalize the character with the person playing it. But otherwise I’m interested in this wip and excited to see it progress.
I’m always happy to see another game set in Asia, historical or otherwise, but I have to agree with what had already been said. Grammar aside, the story felt linear and didn’t really gave us much of a choice in terms of developing our character’s personality nor their interaction with one another. I understand you’re trying to build a story here but you have to counter-balance it with a bit more freedom, else it becomes a text novel rather than an interactive fiction game.
I also believe the game could benefit from a bit of a backstory. Are spirits / talking animals a common thing in this world? I ask because the child didn’t seemed very surprised to be talking to one, which leads me to believe they either have a history together… or its a common thing to occur. My suggestion would be to start from the beginning and build the story from there - give people some lore of the world so they can better understand the circumstance of things and where exactly they stand in all this.
Thank you all for the input, and feel like apologys are in order… First off with the lack of choices and personality of characters, it is pre-decided some what and I must admit there might not be a lot of choices in prologue which you have seen half of.
I’m not confident that my answer will be able to explain why but I’ll try, to start off with what your seeing is their core character like the fox loves to teases that’s not going to change they just may decide not to in future. And I’m afraid I might upset you some more as I’ve planned them to look different and semi unchangable (unless your playing as a fox) this to is to reflect their core personality.
(The lack of choices is through newness though am open to suggestions into where you’d like to see one and what you’d like to see)
Let’s see second, backstory I have in my mind to be a flash back or dream thingy later in the game and I’m glad to tell you that their should be a whole load more of choices once I figure out what they are, I plan a chapter at a time otherwise I tend to over load but have the idea I’m heading to.
Prologue is a bit stiff due to what happens can’t really be changed… I was also hoping to get you guys to see the bond between MC, Jīng (or if you even think they have one) and his family.
Third, in this world it isn’t common place that animals talk but Jīng has grown up with MC and as has the Tóngs, as I’ve tried to hint Jīng is the only one to hear them in there true form which Jiāháo, hmmm I can’t really say jealous as an overall thing as he thinks differently to each spirit, but he respects that his brother has a gift even if he doesn’t share it.
Oh and one more thing and I’m not sure of its reference but I feel I have to say it, I started this as a pratice to see if I could do this, enjoy and have others enjoy it also. I feel in love with characters honestly and wanted to share them… So if you guys don’t mind me asking where they ok besides the lack of choices so far?
First of all I’d say you don’t need to apologize for your work. I’ve been on this forum since 2013 and haven’t so much as posted a single page of my own writing. If you want to keep going with this project in a more narrative format that is your prerogative. You’re the author. Just understand a certain kind of reader here, readers like myself, won’t be into your project.
I like reading books, and I like playing interactive fiction. When I’m reading interactive fiction in my mind I’m playing a game. The tempo you have set now is more like turning the page than a choice game. I think it’s good you are trying something a little different. Most games start off with character creation as the first scene. My suggestion though is to include more interactivity in what you have so far though. To make it more like a game and less like a book.
You alread have a couple spots where the MC has an opinion about what’s going on. I would recommend converting those into a choice that has no effect on the narrative in terms of a stat.
Don’t let me take the wind out of your sails though that’s not my intent.
Thank you and you haven’t really taken the wind out just opened my eyes to what I’ve done and not done… Though it is more booky isn’t it😝 Oh well not sure i can change it to fit… Hmm… Maybe I’m just a bit narrow minded about this… I mean I want to put more tried and just can’t seem to…
But on a good note I’m going to finish this and point it down to coding practice for later games that will defo be more gamey! Just the question now is weather to share or not don’t want to put something up people are not going to enjoy or are displeased with and it is slow paced defo more story like…
Honestly, I don’t think the lack of choices is a big issue yet because the demo was rather small and doesn’t necessarily reflect how the game is going to look in the end. There’s a way you can compromise here - so long as the writing is solid and the story captivating I’m sure most people here will be able to deal with the long “prologue”. Now that you know what you could improve you can always build the rest of the game based on that knowledge.
Let’s assume the final product will have 250k words, nobody is going to judge it too harshly if the first 2-5k happen to lack any choices… at least I won’t. Nevertheless, you’re the author and this is your world, you’re free to do whatever you wish plus there will always be a few people around who read it will no matter what. We’re all bookworms here, one way or another.
Make it take place during Empress Wu or her husband’s father or her famous grandson all three of them are long lived rulers. You can always make take play pre imperial age during the reign of Zhou.
As a native Chinese speaker, I have to point out that the word 狐狸精(hulijing) should under no circumstance be taken literally as ‘fox spirit’.
It is actually a highly pejorative word for women having extramarital affairs with men. I would urge you to change it into something less…well, embarrassing.
This little bugger is one choice line, so don’t feel like you are alone in the fight with choices. Basically just do what I’ve done in that picture. Find a system that works for you to keep in all together. If you get discouraged don’t think about how much need to do, but what you want to do. Also don’t feel like you need to rush content for others. It’s your game, do it at your pace. Hell, my demo is only three pages!
If you don’t like a certain story line, but feel it will be essential and give diversity, do it later. Aside from that , I like the conecpt of it. I’ve read the other explanations you gave for some of the things I found confusing, and so far I feel like it really has potential!
Stick with it! If you need help fleshing out choices I’m sure people would be willing to lend a hand, I know I am. And if you want it to be more “booky” as you put it, then go ahead! Just don’t give up on it!
