The Ballad of Devil's Creek (WiP) (CH6 Up, Major Update: 09/03/2021)

disclosing that would be spoilers itself :smiley:

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Finished a quick drawing of Charlie

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If my MC ever becomes tired of dealing with bounty hunters, ghosts, cults and eldritch horrors, can she retire to Tahiti? :wink:

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I insist.

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this was a great game! I personally don’t see a lot of wild west games so this was nice ^^

there…however, seems to be a lack of choices in the scenes? From what I remembered, most scenes where you get to choose a choice have around 2 choices….(I’m discluding the character customization and the stat raises/falls at the end of the current demo)

using this as an example:

There’s a choice to fight, or submit. That’s it. May I suggest adding more options? I’d love an option to be able to talk back(my MC/s are kinda sarcastic lol), but ofc, it’s your choice ^^

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I know what you mean.
At the current state (so it’s bound to change) the choices in the first chapter are to determine the characters personality/reputation.

Down the line I’ll change the option to either affect two stats at once (like the choice on what to do when Seán knocks) and/or affect a reputation and a skill stat.

thank you

also: nice name :slight_smile:

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So do we get to choose our weapons look like or has it been pre determined @MeltingPenguins ?

you’ll be able to pick what you got, but not on Tin Star’s level.

Edit: mostly on account on me not being much of a firearms-buff. I don’t think I could do it justice to have a difference between a muzzle-loaded handgun and a barrel revolver.

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I’m not much of a fan of Wild West stories, but it was pretty interesting so far, though I’d need more time to get a fully formed opinion.

I did notice two typos / errors:
  • After the whole thing with Lynwood, once the MC goes back to the room, the day ends on:
    “get dressed for the night, as does Charlie. You lay awake for a little longer before you drift off into an, unfortunately, unsteady sleep.”
    Something is missing at the beginning. Don’t know if it’s only “You” or if there was more.
  • When Blayne explains about the “mission”:
    “This cult is out to summon a creature said to be much older than creation, and, according to them, more powerful than any God knows to us humans.”
    I guess it was meant to be “any God known to us humans.”

Also, not exactly an error, but if lying to Lynwood, I believe a silver-tongued MC should have more subtlety and not make it sound so agressive or be so argumentative?

Generally speaking, I liked the array of choices offered… except most things related to Seán directly?
It’ll be a bit complicated to explain, and thus will be long, so I’ll put it under cut.

The whole SeĂĄn thing...

I feel very conflicted about it, actually - I mean, about various parts of it.

Charlie seems to make it sound like such a bad thing to rat him out to Lynwood, but the dude seriously just came in, lied to their faces, and then escaped by the window when whatever equivalent of the police came looking for him… By all accounts, it seems perfectly normal to actually tell the truth.

I think I’d mostly like to have more context, actually?
As it is, I find the choice to be a very blind one. Having blind choices isn’t bad per se, by any means! Well, at least in my opinion. But it’s not the same thing to have a fully blind choice than having a choice where the MC is way more informed than the player.
Considering how miffed Charlie gets, I feel like the Pinkertons are a big deal I’m not aware of while Charlie and most importantly my MC actually ARE. Having MC think about them for a bit or something (prior to that choice) would help with it I think. To be up to date with MC, so to say.

Basically, it can be summed up to the angry answer when talking with Charlie if MC lied:
“I dunno what to make of that O’Brian, but I know what to make of the fucking Pinkertons.”
Well, good for you MC, because I don’t know what to make of the Pinkertons as I don’t know them, and O’Brian left a mostly rude and negative impression on me - that would be my answer, more or less.

I wish it was possible to at least answer “It’s not only about me, it’s about doing the right thing too.” or something like that, when Charlie gets mad. Cause really, while I do like the idea of a MC who truly tries to get out of criminal life, I also just really consider with the information I have that this was the “good” choice. So MC could think so too, if that makes sense? Basically, it would be a non-selfish variant to ratting Seán out. In the same way, if lying to Lynwood, I consider there should be a selfish reason, like thinking it would bring money while not having to work with law enforcement.

Now, as I said, I don’t see any reasons to lie in this case to begin with, so it’s not as if there was any doubt for me, but I found the scene a bit frustrating no matter what decision was taken (skimmed through the code to see the “lie” branch) - between the lack of finesse when talking even with a character that is both patient and has a silver tongue if lying, and the backlash to telling the truth when the players don’t know as much as MC does and thus can’t judge consequences as well as they do.

The entire thing continues with Blayne later on.
The two SeĂĄn related options are to ask for a share in the bounty or plead with Blayne to let the guy ask whatever he wants from Charlie. But why should any of these two be forced onto the MC?
Not caring about SeĂĄn at all and thus not talking there would be a much appreciated option.
Or another one would be to actually start feeling sympathy (and so, doubting about the previous decision) at that point, IF MC ratted him, considering MC wants to quit their criminal life, and Seán’s actions could be interpreted as similar.

Okay, that was really long, sorry about that. It was kind of hard to explain in only a few words, and I felt it was important to adress all of the point that make the issue I have with it, instead of going over it quickly.

That aside, there’s another choice with Seán I felt like it was missing one or two options, but it’s unrelated to my main issue with him, and purely a matter of wishing for different options in a choice.
It felt a bit weird to me to decide, when meeting Seán in the morning, if MC trusts him or not and that’s it. Well, nothing wrong with these options, but maybe one or two more would make it a bit better: “I don’t know what to think yet, but may as well stay and listen” felt like it was really needed. And “I don’t know what to think yet, but I prefer not to get involved” coulld be a nice variant. One/s that would add less to the corresponding stat of trusting or not, or maybe not even add to these, and to the patience one instead, and be more level-headed, basically. Again, my MC doesn’t trust him anyway, but it would be nice to have a more middle ground option.

Well, I think that would be it as far as the review goes!
Now, with that being said, would it be possible to know who are the ROs (or better, to have a list in the OP)? You ask people not to ask about Finn being a RO, and sure, that’s normal, but well, knowing who are the actual ROs would be useful :rofl:

Oh and also, maybe save slots? It’s much easier when testing.

Okay, now I’m truly done!
Despite my issues with SeĂĄn, it was still a good experience!
And thank you for taking the time of reading this, since well… it’s lenghty!

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Thank you for the insightful post :smiley:
I fixed the typos and took your suggestions into account. Please tell me what you think (I’m still working on it, so the updated version isn’t up yet):

Added bits about the Pinkertons

Pinkertons. Well, there’s a turn you didn’t expect your evening to take. You don’t need to turn to know Charlie is grimacing in disgust.

Sure, you had kinda expected and worried someone in town would recognize your faces. But at worst you had expected the sheriff or maybe some wanna-be bounty hunters to cause you trouble. Not a bunch of union-busting, strike-breaking, murdering bastards with a badge that ever since see themselves above the law just 'cause rich people really value their services to keep them rich.

(Yeah, they were a real thing and they were pretty much right bastards that mainly did everything to keep the rich rich and stuff)

New Options for the meeting
"I know," he says, the bit of bravado he's shown yesterday gone. "It's just... Look, I need ya to trust me on this. I-I know I didn't make much of a good first impression, but..."

*fake_choice
   #Enough of this. I don't have time for this.
      *set pol -10
      *set imp +10
      "Come, Charlie, we're leavin'," you grunt, turning away. "This is ridiculous."
      
      "Please wait," O'Brian calls, and it does sound urgent.
      
      You stop at the archway leading into the chamber. "Why? Gimme one good reason."
      
      O'Brian sighs defeated and you step closer again.
      
   #Give him a moment to sort his thoughts.
      *set pol +10
      *set imp -10
      Moments ticks by, until you gently gesture O'Brian to get on with it. "Look, mate, ya gotta say something if ya want us to help."
      
      O'Brian clears his throat a little embarrassed.
      
   #He better comes clear. I'm losing my patience.
      *set pol +10
      *set imp +10
      "Mr. O'Brian," you begin cuttingly, crossing your arms. "We've just told ya we're willing to help, so ya better tell us what's going on."
      
      O'Brian winces briefly at your tone, and takes a deep breath.
   #I'll wait, but he better spill the beans.
      *set pol -10
      *set imp -10
      Moments ticks by, until you roll your eyes and turn away. "Come, Charlie, if the lad can't open his mouth we're just wasting our time."
      
      "Please wait," O'Brian calls, and it does sound urgent.
      
      You give him a cold look. "Why? Gimme one good reason."
      
      O'Brian sighs defeated.
The talk with Blayne (asking for the bounty) has been moved to be a talk with Mrs. Mutton at an earlier point in the carriage:
"Not you, O'Brian," the woman cuts him off. "Just those two. And if you know what's good for you, you will shut up now."

*fake_choice
   #Defend O'Brian. He genuinely came to us for help.
      *set sean +5
      *set mutt -5
      "He's @{(bold >50) right, y'know," you growl| right, though," you murmur}. "If Blayne wants our help, we all got the right to know what's going on."
      
      The woman just glowers coldly at you. "No, you don't. And if you know what's good for you, you shut up now."
      
      At this Charlie lays a hand on your arm and shakes his head. @{(bold >50) You snap your mouth shut and bite back the response you were about to make| You nod silently in agreement}.
   #I wonder if we could get a share of O'Brian's bounty, though...
      *set sean -5
      *set mutt +5
      "Any chance of us gettin' a share of the bounty on his head?" you ask. "I dunno what he did, but I heard it's pretty high."
      
      "Potentially," the woman answers while O'Brian hisses insults at you. "But don't count on it, $!{name}." She glances you over. "And now do kindly shut up."
   #Blayne can have O'Brian, but I see no reason to help.
      *set sean -5
      *set mutt -5
      "I don't see why we should help," you say. "Sure, ya can have O'Brian, but if Blayne wants our help and knew we're in town, he coulda just approached us directly."
      
      Both, O'Brian and the woman glare at you.
      
      "No, Mr. Blayne could not have done so," the woman snaps. "You will see why. And now you better shut up."
   #Let's wait and see. Maybe we can help O'Brian out.
      *set sean +5
      *set mutt +5
      "Look," you begin."I dunno how high the bounty on O'Brian's head is, or why it's there, but if it is as high as the Pinkerton agent made it seem," you look at O'Brian. He doesn't strike you as a killer, and you met a few that didn't appear like killers either. "If he'd be dangerous or vile I think ya woulda shot him by now. So..."
      
      O'Brian blinks at you, and the woman quirks a brow.
      
      "Are you trying to defend him?" she asks coldly.
      
      "For all I know Blayne's a clever man. Whatever he needs someone like Charlie and me for, I'd not be surprised if O'Brian might be of use as well. So, let's wait and see."
      
      O'Brian blinks at you again, and for a moment you get the impression that he's blushing.
      
      "I doubt that," the woman says. "But I agree, let's wait and see. Now shut up."
*page_break You Decide To Keep Quiet Now

There’s also more options in the gallery now (two affecting your gun skills mildly, two affecting your talking skills)

Several other bits have been expanded on.

EDIT:

As for the ROs
Charlie is one, Seán is another as is Mrs. Mutton. The other two haven’t shown up yet.

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Hey, thanks! It’s MUCH better about the Pinkertons!
Really, I have never heard of that in real life, and I suspect a lot of not american people don’t actually know, so yeah, it helps a lot! Adds the feeling that it’s not a good idea to rat someone to them specifically! Gives me something to debate about with myself, when playing and having to select!

The new options are great! Definitely better that way!

I’ll check out for the smaller changes when a new demo is uploaded!

As for the ROs, I actually suggest to put a little bit of info on all the ROs anyway, even if they didn’t appear yet. I tend to look at that before playing as it helps me decide how interested I am in the game. But if you find it too spoilery then it’s up to you.

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Update 04/19/2021:

Updated Chapter one. Added new options, rewording choices to make things clearer. Some typos fixed.

Save function is now active.

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I just played the demo and I really love the setting. The plot seems really interesting and I’m excited to see in which directions it’s going to go.

Choices

I’ve had some issues regarding two choices during the demo.

  • Choosing if you rat O’Brian out or not.
    If you decide to lie to the Pinkertons, later Charlie tells you “wait, don’t tell me you’re thinking of ratting him out” which I thought felt weird as the preceding conversation did not give off the vibe that the MC wanted to snitch on O’Brian.

  • Choice if you’re worried
    While in the city, you think about how you feel and if you pick the choice “ I’m not scared. Charlie and I have gotten away remotely unscathed so often by now.” it’s the only choice that shames you for that option as the follow up scene tells you “don’t get cocky”. While all the other choices basically reinforces your choice.

And, not really a choice, but the parts with Blayne talking about O’Reilly followed by Charlie mentioning Reuben was kind of confusing to me. It felt as if we were moving too fast and we as the reader didn’t have a complete understanding of what was going on (but mostly with O’Reilly as I’m guessing the Reuben part is left vague on purpose?)

But yeah, this was really enjoyable and I’m looking forward to meeting the other two ROs!

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Thank you for the feedback.

For the first:
I’ll look into better wording.

Second:
Ah, that’s a leftover from the previous version that slipped through. thanks for noticing :smiley:
Third:
With reuben I have been considering whether or not i might add a bit of dialog between the mc and SeĂĄn to clarify who it might be.

EDIT: Updated the game with the alterations above. Please check if it works better, thank you :slight_smile:

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Spelling/Grammar error corrections ^^

is this intended or? (I know some people talk like this, just making sure ^^)
image

I believe there should be a quotation mark here:

You can get rid of the “clueless”, makes it more neutral
image

“Lynwood smiles, without it reaching his eyes.” OR “Lynwood smiles, but it never reaches his eyes.”

“Lynwood notes, voice as dry as Death Valley”
image

“I bid you good night”- no need to capitalize it :3

“Ya think O’Brian’s bounty is higher than ours?”
image

Capital “y”

Space after period
image

“And as Mrs. Mutton holsters her revolver, he pulls up a chair to sit down behind you.”

intent
image

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Thank you. Yes, the ‘me’ instead of ‘my’ in some spots is intended.
The corrections will go live with the next chapter.

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Oh yes, thank you. Really love the new changes, especially the dialogue between MC and Seán about Reuben. I think this was also a new change or at least I didn’t notice it at first but Seán being disappointed with how Charlie communicates with the dead, I found that really cute. . But yeah, the changes definitely made the whole play even more enjoyable!

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:smiley: and yes, that bit is new.

Bit of trivia about SeĂĄn:

He’s a bit… childish, in lack of a better word. Quirky maybe. Bright-eyed and usually pretty optimistic, but can be a right worrywart if the well-being of his friends and himself are concerned. He’s cheeky and playful, unless he feels seriously wronged/mistreated. He’s very loyal to his friends, almost to a fault. Also yeah, the statement that he can’t lie outside of a con is absolutely correct.

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Alright, fellers, I need some input:

You’ve seen the Reputation stats:
Polite/Blunt
Bold/Timid
Tactical/Reckless
Trusting/Suspicious
Impatient/Patient
Curious/Indifferent
Selfish/Altruistic

There’s a second, important set of reputationskills that is hidden. (I won’t tell you why yet)

Bravery
Cunningness
Compassion
Cautiousness
Humbleness

As of now the plan is to at some point check the score of the latter against a combined score of the former.
For example:
Cunningness would be Tactical + Curious / 2

Is this a good plan and if yes, do you think one secondary reputation’s missing or that there are too many? And what would you combine for which stat?
If no, what would you do different?

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Personally I do not like the idea. Let me explain why.
When I play IF Games, I am roleplaying that character.

So I am choosing, what the char would choose. It is sometimes hard enough to choose the answer, that belongs to a Skill, the character is good at. If choices are based on stats I do not even know, makes a thing, that should be easy for the character, since they know what they are capable of, just random guessing.

But that is just my opinion. I hope everything is working like you planned.

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