The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - An affair of the heart (WIP) (Ch 6.1: 31 jan 2025)

[Hayden_Winter]

@Doriana-Gray

it’s so amazing to learn that it’s enjoyable even to some people who don’t know or enjoy the original stories or characters,

It’s funny, because I do actually like quite a few works that were inspired by Sherlock Holmes, like House MD or - if we talk IF only - “A study in steampunk”. I even enjoyed Poe’s “The Murders in the Rue Morgue”, which apparently inspired SH (?), so yeah, I do have an idea by now of who he is thanks to cultural osmosis… albeit a very basic one.

It’s definitely tough to write someone who is so incredibly smart; it’s easier if done from the outside for obvious reasons, because in third person you can just let them come up with intelligent stuff without ever having to explain how they got there. You can’t pull this trick anymore if you put the player / reader in the position of being the one figuring everything out, and that’s not even taking into account that “How he got there” is a big part of the appeal of Sherlock inspired characters and Sherlock himself, I guess. Not explaining his thought process would be cheap. I’ve never watched that show with Benedict Cumberbatch, but I’ve heard that it was criticized among other things for doing exactly this: turning him into some superhuman and locking the audience out of his head.
I imagine it just as challenging to come up with cases that strike the right balance between easily solvable and way too out there and far-fetched. I think you really did a good job with the first case there, it was a good and believable warm up for Sherlock!

Some other unsorted ramblings / feedback. I apologize if anything has already been adressed; I don’t have the time to read the entire thread:

• In one playthrough of the first chapter my Sherlock told Lestrade “Fuck. You” and got a shouted “Get out of my sight - Go!” in response, which might or might not have been deserved , but a minute later he still offered him that sandwhich. Maybe Lestrade is forgiving like that, but it still seemed a bit weird in the moment.

• “Think happy thoughts. Think murder.” ← loved that

• Shouldn’t it be “Perhaps you should talk” here?

• Speaking of black bgs: I’m an old(ish) dude with bad eyes who prefers dark backgrounds when reading long texts, unfortunately the red images at the start of a chapter don’t really work with them. I could barely decipher them.

• Will we be able to romance him? Because all it takes for me to fall in love and project all my hopes and dreams onto a RO is writing his pronouns in italics. I’m only half-kidding here.

• I was hoping and expecting the second chapter would be about chilling and getting to know Watson, and I got exactly that. With a cherry of Sherlock being more damaged than I thought on top, but that is in my personal opinion a feature and not a bug. Characters like that make me feel right at home.

• I will probably go against my original plans and not romance Watson, because he gets too easily flustered for my taste, and romantically speaking, he’s not that interesting for my Sherlock, so it’s good to hear there will be more options coming up! It did however make me realize how being around my MC must have been for Finch back in “A study in steampunk” lol! I like your Watson as a friend and character in general though, so far.

• I think your use of the heart emojis is a bit unfortunate, because too many stories use them as markers for the ONLY romantic options in a conversation. Personally speaking, I’m not a fan of such markers in general, because I always feel pressured to pick them if I don’t want to screw up the RO’s relationship stats. I find them pretty immersion breaking and game-y, but I know many prefer them.

That’s all for now.

[Baldanna]

Your writing style has me hooked, you set the scene so beautifully and I’m beyond excited to continue reading

[Sel_Lee]

The thighs comment made me laugh so much xD

[Doriana-Gray]

@Hayden_Winter

I think you really did a good job with the first case there, it was a good and believable warm up for Sherlock!

Thank you, that’s very kind
I personally really like Sherlock renditions where Sherlock has to work at their knowledge and expertise a bit—in the books they are always learning and experimenting. I defiantly prefer such a character to a more superhuman version

@Hayden_Winter

In one playthrough of the first chapter my Sherlock told Lestrade “Fuck. You” and got a shouted “Get out of my sight - Go!” in response, which might or might not have been deserved , but a minute later he still offered him that sandwhich. Maybe Lestrade is forgiving like that, but it still seemed a bit weird in the moment.

Mmmm, yeah, I remember thinking when I wrote it that players might go that route I have some reactions to saying “fuck you” to Lestrade, they are a bit grumpier if you turn back to talk to them again and there is a small explanation. But I don’t want to remove the sandwich scene for players… hmm. Maybe i’ll add something there too. Otherwise—if i never get to it—head canon that there are a few minutes in between choosing new options in the investigation and Lestrade offers the sandwich as a truce sandwich

@Hayden_Winter

Shouldn’t it be “Perhaps you should talk” here?

Ohh nice catch! yes, I’ll fix that!

@Hayden_Winter

Speaking of black bgs: I’m an old(ish) dude with bad eyes who prefers dark backgrounds when reading long texts, unfortunately the red images at the start of a chapter don’t really work with them. I could barely decipher them.

Hmm weird. They are set to the file type that inverts the colors when setting dashingdon to dark mode, I’m not entirely sure why it’s not working for you

@Hayden_Winter

Will we be able to romance him ? Because all it takes for me to fall in love and project all my hopes and dreams onto a RO is writing his pronouns in italics. I’m only half-kidding here.

haha, no. Sorry

@Hayden_Winter

I think your use of the heart emojis is a bit unfortunate, because too many stories use them as markers for the ONLY romantic options in a conversation. Personally speaking, I’m not a fan of such markers in general, because I always feel pressured to pick them if I don’t want to screw up the RO’s relationship stats. I find them pretty immersion breaking and game-y, but I know many prefer them.

I agree. I think it’s creating a lot of confusion. I actually had a bunch of (lie) / (grumpy) before and removed most of them… I’ll see if I can find a way to do it for the <3 choices also!

@Baldanna I’m very glad to hear it!

@Sel_Lee

[Hayden_Winter]

@Doriana-Gray

Hmm weird. They are set to the file type that inverts the colors when setting dashingdon to dark mode, I’m not entirely sure why it’s not working for you

Nevermind, I solved this mystery (I’m a bit of a Sherlock myself… but mostly an idiot): I used the dark mode of my phone, not the one provided by the game. My bad. I just tested it and everything works as intended!

[Ritzze]

@Doriana-Gray

@Hayden_Winter

I think your use of the heart emojis is a bit unfortunate, because too many stories use them as markers for the ONLY romantic options in a conversation. Personally speaking, I’m not a fan of such markers in general, because I always feel pressured to pick them if I don’t want to screw up the RO’s relationship stats. I find them pretty immersion breaking and game-y, but I know many prefer them.

I agree. I think it’s creating a lot of confusion. I actually had a bunch of (lie) / (grumpy) before and removed most of them… I’ll see if I can find a way to do it for the <3 choices also!

You can do something like this if you want.

For example:

*create heart_tog " "

Do you want to see a heart for romantic choices yada yada.

*fake_choice
#Yes please!
*set heart_tog “[]”
Perfect!
#No thank you.
No problem!

---

then when the choice comes up it’ll be like this

*fake_choice
#Something about crime and romance yada yada. ${heart_tog} ← this will hidden or not depending on the first choice

I hope this helps

[AstinFamily]

We will be able to choose our height in the future? Or it is fixed? And about body detail, there will be comment made by other character about it or it is there only for us?

[Jeeshadow1]

Another great chapter! So hyped to meet Alder eventually! Pretty sure my Sherlock won’t know what to do. Its interesting having a Sherlock show affection to people around them but I do like doing that, but I also need to balance that with Sherlock just being so damn weird. Maybe work hard on doing the uptight controlling emotions? Always is just polite and professional (unless its for a case).

[Jadelyn_Nam]

This is the most charming Sherlock holmes story I’ve ever read. Made me chuckle at some parts.

[Kirlett]

@Doriana-Gray

The heart options (the ones where there is a <3 after the option is not the only romantic options. It’s just there when it might be necessary to signify from a similar platonic option or clarify that it is romantic. A lot of options are romantic despite the lack of <3 !!! )

I’d recommend explaining this in the game, because it was EXACTLY what I was going to ask haha. I was panicking a little because those options were very flirty and direct and my poor Sherlock is pretty shy.

Okay, now. NOW!!! I AM OBSESSED. I was already loving it during Chapter 1 back when the demo was first published. But now??? CHAPTER 2 IS BRILLIANT. I have so much to say!!! Sorry if it seems like I’m yelling but I’m really really excited!

Your writing is superb (I only noticed some -s in verbs other than 3rd person singular) and I want to point out one thing in particular: you’re able to take a pretty common scene (someone is going to fall and their RO catches them) and spin it in a way that makes it completely fresh! Many authors fall prey to repetitive phrases and expressions and readers feel that they’ve read the exact same thing a million times. Not here! I was enraptured by… everything! The descriptions, dialogue, internal train of thought, even the choices (the variety to reflect different Sherlocks!)

And I know that I told you this previously, but I’m still amazed at how you manage to give us the opportunity to create very different MCs and they ALL still feel like Sherlock Holmes. Simply… our Sherlock Holmes. Which means that you’re great at both writing a retelling and interactive fiction. The images are also lovely, although your descriptions paint a detailed enough picture not to need them!

And now… WE MET WATSON!!! And boy, was I not ready. I already fell hard for Lestrade during Chapter 1, but… I can’t decide now. They’re both such good characters and ROs. They’re full of life, with very distinct and real personalities and I’m very intrigued about their past and their lives.

AND OKAY I HAVE SOME SCREENSHOTS BECAUSE WHEN I TELL YOU I SQUEALED LIKE A 15 YEAR OLD!!!

The waist I MEAN chaste line was I know people tend to like teasing shy or easily flustered ROs, but I adore having two nervous idiots in love internally and externally panicking.

This??? interaction??? MY HEART MELTED. Watson really is like a puppy and I thank you forever for allowing us to make a kind Sherlock.

AH, ALSO! How could I forget. I mentioned descriptions but heLLO??? Watson’s description??? Beautiful writing and a beautiful man (in my case). If I were Sherlock, I would “study” him too

In summary: I’m obsessed, I screamed more than a few times reading Chapter 2 and I would give you my firstborn if you asked me to. No questions asked.

[Doriana-Gray]

@Ritzze was thinking of doing something like this for some of them!
But some of the () icons are for when there are two identical choices that differ in being romantic / platonic, and so a longer more descriptive (unique) tag would have to exchange the (). It’s a problem…

@AstinFamily I have no plans of adding a height option. I’ve looked at some game’s code who lets the player choose this and I think it would add a text complexity I am not ready to handle. It would just not be worth it for me, mostly because I would feel compelled to do it well and with a lot of variation, and I’d rather spend that time and energy on other content.
The body detail will be used in-game and referenced by NPCs, but it will also change up content—there is a small one for 2 body details in the second chapter. The least likely thing for it to show up is in the “narrator” voice, I would say.

@Jeeshadow1
I am really excited for you to meet Adler too!

@Jadelyn_Nam That is so lovely to hear—thank you so much!!!

[Doriana-Gray]

I would like to explain the () thing in-game, but I’m afraid people would just skip past it haha. I’ll try and think of a solution. Maybe I can rephrase it to make it more obvious while still not using too many words

Can I just say that your comment was so extremely kind, flattering, and honestly motivating !!! Thank you so much, I’ve read it a few times now
There is nothing more wonderful than reading someone telling their favourite parts or why they liked something and, just, you did it so passionately that you really made me believe it

I’m so glad to hear you like the carriage “catch” scene and Watson, of course!
And that the waist line worked!! I was so afraid it was too much or too cheesy

Thank you so so so much! (and I, politely but firmly, decline the offer for firstborns )

[Cingulum_diaboli]

Was there a fifth option to choose? Because I think I chose something different the first time I played

[AstinFamily]

Good to know that other character will aknowledge our body detail, and hopefull some comment on our level of attractiveness. I mean It would have been quite hilarious in the carriage scene, when Wattson “catch” us and have difficulties thanks to our… large bosom.

[Doriana-Gray]

@Cingulum_diaboli yeah, there’s one more option. But it only appears if you are not on the exclusively friendship path (the one chosen in the character creator) AND has at least one Watson romance point.
The option would not make sense in a different context, so I gated it behind that

@AstinFamily
True, but I suppose I imagined the arm lower, and the possible bosom higher (because of corsets).

Comments/changes on attractiveness will definitely happen. Some subtle, some not. (Actually, it already is a small change in one place in chapter 1)

[Cecilia_Rosewood]

Pigeon.

(As the sister of someone who would pick up random pigeons off the street as a child, that part was what caught my attention the most, and not because of the intrigue surrounding the circumstances )

[AstinFamily]

@Doriana-Gray

True, but I suppose I imagined the arm lower, and the possible bosom higher (because of corsets).

Yeah, in the end I got that, but as someone who got in some misunderstanding on the train during my time as a student, I have to say that sometimes I got on some hilarious situation

[Cingulum_diaboli]

@Doriana-Gray

(Actually, it already is a small change in one place in chapter 1)

Where?

[Cat-Toes]

I thinks its if you mistake the coach driver’s hand as helping you down, but I’m not sure.

[Jophiel_Doctora]

What a great story, the demo is so good, have high hopes when the release arrives.