If you think the writing is not good, why don’t you give suggestions on how to improve it? That would be more helpful for the author in long run.
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I don’t see anything wrong with the writing. I love the story so far. It’s gunna be a good story.
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@Okami-Nora Your observations are amazing, as always. I love reading them 
@ROYALISTDESTROYER530 Great that you like the concept, and you are entitled to your opinion. Would be good if could give suggestions however, so I could improve, there’s the purpose of the forum and the reason why I’m asking for feedback.
It would be good to point it out that every author has their own style when it comes to writing, that doesn’t mean the writing is bad but that it didn’t suit your tastes. As an author i’m constantly seeking ways of improving myself and that comes with practice and dedication. I’ll probably make many changes to the story as it progresses, and some sections will definitely be rewritten.
@Custodes Hii, sorry for the late response. Nemeya’s relationship with Death and Quaboth will be further explained in the next chapter, and I answered a few questions about that on my tumblr. 
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I think your criticism will be received more warmly if you just lay down immediately what you think is not right and explain it in detail like what @Douglas_Mckeever done rather than simply telling that someone writing is bad.
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That wasn’t criticism that was straight up being rude. If the writing is not how you like it that’s your opinion. Many other people like it and those that don’t, don’t outright say it’s bad writing they just say it’s not for them.
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Thank you for your flags everyone. I don’t usually do this as I feel this kind of thing speaks for itself, and also I’m loathe to push the thread even further off-topic, but aspects about this situation are subjective enough that I feel it deserves some clarity.
Regardless of the validity of their opinion (which I honestly have difficulty discerning, couched as it is under insult after insult), this user violated our FAQ by not respecting each other’s stories and generalized rudeness, as many have noted. As such, this user has been suspended for six months.
Whether or not you feel that’s too much or too little will likely be different for everyone, but at least in my view it’s a good enough length so that if there were any irl stressors that contributed to this person’s negativity, then perhaps they’ll be gone and if they return, they’ll be more willing to be a respectful and productive member of the forums. It’s also long enough that they might just not return at all, as they hopefully realize that their behavior is not accepted or welcome on this forum.
Thank you again to everyone who flagged. If you have any questions or concerns, I would much rather you message myself or any of our other moderators so we can get this topic back on track.
I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of their day! 
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First off, I really like the update! : D
Thinking about what has changed within the thousands of years death has been trapped, and how it is forbidden to mention them, I doubt Chamion would have a big change of heart, based on the fact by the time the mortal ROs are alive, it is still pretty strict based on the first pages of the demo.
Also I’m curious to know more about that old man further in game, how Namur was like, “Who knew our answers rested with a mortal.” And they further mentioned the mortal’s “abilities” which in this sense, sounds formidable and tricky. If that old man’s still alive at this time, I want a few words with them… they must’ve been pretty well-known with interesting abilities amongst certain groups to have garnered the gods’ attention. As a whole, I cannot wait to see the setting!
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There is that chance that Chamion may not changed too much from when Death last met him; what may seem like a long time for a mortal may not feel as long of a time through a immortal’s eyes. Chamion is also known for his wrathful ways and that’s probably something he’s more comfortable emoting. To really confront the other things he may be feeling about losing a loved one would mean dropping that loud rage to let something quieter, even more vulnerable through to be felt and I imagine the very act is something that he may either not be familiar at handling or even straight up uncomfortable confronting. Even if he has gone through some changes during the time of Death’s imprisonment, the return of the sealed deity could make Chamion fall back to his old ways because his anger and resentment is something he understands better and Death’s return gives him a excuse to go back to that.
Or there is that chance that Death will meet Chamion at the inbetween, where he’s in the process of change but not exactly there due to some factors holding him back and Death themselves could end up playing the role of pushing Chamion to really face and come to terms with his loss, and grief and what his own choices led him to do and the outcomes that came from it.
As for Death’s name still being a forbidden topic, well, pride can be a horrible thing sometimes. And one of the most humbling things to do can be to admit you’ve a mistake directly to someone and try to fix it. I can’t picture even the more regretful of the gods being open to the idea of letting mortals say Death’s name once more, because that would mean admitting that their godly selves made a mistake (and practically all seemed to throw their chips in on sealing Death being the best option, for some unknown reason). It’s like Namur admitting that his foresight may have its limits: I imagine it’d be like pulling teeth to make him ever openly say such a thing that could put him on the same level as a mortal assuming that he’s not playing a chess game with the gods right now and is not as much on the Pantheon’s side as he may seems.
Or maybe most mortals at this point have truly just forgotten both Death’s name or why they were made to fear it and just avoid the thought of the forbidden one out of instinct and going on a “better safe than sorry” route to avoid gaining the other Pantheon members’ attention just in case. 
Feel like only a select few among the Pantheon really knew what that old man was fully capable of and where he came from in the first place (or how willing or unwilling he may have been to play any part in Death’s imprisonment). I personally kinda find a little hard to gauge how powerful this unknown mortal really was since he had the backing of the gods to complete his part of the task and, right now, we only have the fragments of Death’s memories to go on from little they heard about the guy. But I do agree that the man was still one of the key factors that kept Death sealed for so long.
Not sure if the guy will even be alive for Death to meet face-to-face; he was called an old man by Chamion and Death was imprisoned for a long time, so under normal circumstances (assuming the man was a human of average lifespan), the person may have bit the dust a long time ago before Death escaped. Then again, the Pantheon may use the term ‘mortal’ very loosely to refer to any living being with a time limit on their lifespan and there may be some who can live longer than average due to who-knows-what. Or the gods could have found a way to extend the old man’s life due to his aid in helping to seal Death. Or maybe we really won’t meet him alive, but could meet him as a spirit or even come into some kind of contact with a descendent of the old man. Like every theory that will be made here, we’ll see when get there.
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Interesting stuff. I love Greek mythology and all the petty, mad rivalries between the gods, so this definitely appealed to me on that front. The whole conflict between Sol (I think? the King god) and Death especially works. Both are simply doing what they’re meant to be doing, but since their roles are such polar opposites they’re basically fated towards conflict. I like it and I enjoy the underdog aspect to Death’s character. I can’t say much about the other gods, since it’s early days, but the two twins… Yeah, they’re first on the hit list.
Anyway, I saw something about the writing above, and while I certainty don’t think the writing style is bad at all, there are a few areas I think you could improve. It’s more so related to cutting a bit of the flowery language (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, by the way) and getting to the bare bones of the story. To be short, I think a good edit would do wonders here. You’re not a bad writer by any means; you just need to polish up some areas.
Firstly, I saw a few run-on sentences. Now, I don’t mind longer sentences, but they are tricky. It’s very easy for a writer to lose control of a sentence to the extent that what they’re saying, the important part, gets lost. If you pile too much in one sentence, it can become messy and lose focus. And then, the reader gets confused or bored and drops out. If you have a lot to say about a particular thing, break it up a little. The best prose shines when there’s a solid mixture of both long and short sentences. Additionally, some of these longer sentences needed full-stops rather than commas - that is, to be grammatically correct, they needed to be two sentences or more, not one. It’s an easy mistake, and one everyone’s guilty of sometimes, but it can distract someone from getting into the story.
The other area where I thought the writing could improve - or rather, be trimmed - were the descriptions. I love detailed descriptions as much as the next person, but sometimes less is more. A few telling details about an environment or a character can go a long way as well. Not to mention, for all this writing, there aren’t very many choices. It also takes quite a while for any progress to be made on the actual story. As it stands now, I feel like there is more description about things than story/character interactions/choices, etc. For instance, there were a few times, particularly during some sections describing the abyss Death was trapped in, that I felt a little bored. It became repetitive, hearing about endless darkness and more endless darkness. Only my opinion, but I think this story would benefit a lot more if you got to the point quicker and trimmed the imprisonment sections into a shorter chapter overall.
If any of that sounded too negative, believe me, it wasn’t my intent. I think this has great potential and, despite my criticisms, I did enjoy reading it.
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Will the gods have there own language that the mortals can’t comprehend or understand like divine language
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@DeadButLiving Hii, so happy you liked it!! I can’t thank you enough for the tips, and believe me that this is not the finish product by any means. The story will go through a few rewrites in the near future and many sections will be improved, particularly the first chapter. I’m making notes on all the tips and suggestions I’ve been receiving, it helps a lot! Thank you again!
@Custodes Yes! The gods have indeed their own unique language, and even though some very specific mortals are able to learn a very small portion of it, its full meaning is completely lost to them. More will be explained in the next updates, don’t worry!
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Honestly a little bit sad that my absolutely favorite part about this, which is the writing, is getting so much feedback that it will probably get trimmed. What others are saying made them feel bored, are what painted a better and more complete picture in my head of the setting and made me that much more invested.
In any case, the start of this book is the fastest I’ve ever gotten into an IF game, so even if you change the other stuff, I do hope you keep that part with the kid and the father largely intact (or at the very least, don’t remove it).
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Agreed
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The intro scene is very important background for one of the ROs though, so it would be strange for it to be removed, no? 
But yeah, I like the exposition in general.
That doesn’t mean it can’t be polished, even without removing content, if it’s what the author wishes.
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It doesn’t have choices, though, and that was one thing that got brought up more than once as a negative so I wanted to share my piece just in case that scene would get considered for the chopping block for that reason (as it’s pretty difficult to implement choices in it).
I’m all for polishing content, or tackling pesky run-on sentences or whatever. I was more so speaking in defense of the flowery language and the descriptiveness, as they made the story better for me and I hope they don’t get reworked/edited too hard.
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I wholeheartedly agree. The description and detail this game has displayed so far is both remarkable and refreshing; I have not seen many games that demonstrate such imagery and emotion on a scale that puts me into the character’s perspective so well.
I have nothing against polishing the game, I believe there is always room for improvement if given the time (I know players can be become restless and eager for a published game). Nevertheless, it would be a shame for this game to be reduced to the point that it loses its scrupulous, yet felicitous, writing.
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Can the MC have children
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I don’t know the exact ask that was first replied to over on the tumblr about this, but the answer can be summarized to; ‘yes’ to adopted children, ‘no’ to biological children (not even with Sol, literal god of life because equal opposite aspects) which is perfectly reasonable since you can’t exactly give life as the deity of death.
If anything about that has changed/could change, people who occasionally browse the tumblr will likely be the first to find out.
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Indeed it would make sense that Mc cannot have biological children, but it would be nice to have an option of being able to adopt a child
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I love this so much. Just wanted to leave my support.
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