Wait, no, come on…I went through it three times is there no way to have a happy ending with Ayvex, or does it always come down you either you kill her or she kills you??? Never thought I would be tearing up over my owls love life… 
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No happy ending with Ayvex, although I hope the ending reads as the MC being happier than they were at the start.
I decided to leave room for a sequel (if enough folks enjoy this), so I kept a common launching off point for the end, although the ending matrix will be expanded in the published version, with more variables coming into play. And if there’s not enough support to justify a sequel, well then I hope the ending is still sufficiently satisfying for most folks; it does wrap up the plot imo - it’s a complete story.
Annnnnd now I guess it’s time to close this thread. Thanks to everyone who participated.
The game is schedule for a November 3rd release.
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Reopened for one last week!
There are a couple minor technical issues (the “Tenets” menu in the Stats Screen needs to be finished or just deleted, and I can only upload 20 images on Dashingdon so a few images are missing) but other than those, this is a finished game.
It’s about 130k words; a playthrough will take between 2.5 and 3.5 hours. Think “Jungle Book” and “The Purge” but with a mystery-based plot. There are 3 difficulty levels. I know it’s not my normal super hero fare, but I’m very proud of this game.
If anyone wants to look it over and report any errors, I’d appreciate it! I’m sending the game files to HG on July 24th.
Link: https://dashingdon.com/play/ericmoser/talon-city-eric-testing/mygame/
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Are you sure? My game has around 80 images and I was able to upload them all to Dashingdon. 
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Hmmm. I might have to check that, I could have sworn it said 20-image limit. Thanks for mentioning it.
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There is a limit on how many files you can upload at once, yes, but you can just keep uploading files, twenty at a time, until all are uploaded.
There is also a limit on how large an image can be in terms of megabytes. That one is a bit trickier.
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Got it! Thanks!
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Okay, so Talon City is set for a Nov 3rd release, but after speaking with Hosted Games and their content reviewer, I’d really like to get some additional feedback on the story.
To be clear, I’m not asking if I should rewrite the whole game 
It’s a dark story in a very tense and oppressive setting, and honestly that’s vital to the tale, but I am asking if anyone’s willing to play it and perhaps point out opportunities to:
- give the MC a bit more breadth in their outlooks/actions, especially later in the story
- separate the narration a bit from the MC, perhaps allowing for the status quo to be questioned more
More explanation: This was described by the content reviewer as a “noir-flavored legal mystery thriller in a city of birds,” so there you go. In this setting, birds don’t treat each other very well; it’s a two-tiered society with a lot of animosity and tension between the groups, and the ‘Feeders’, the birds who are eaten, get the worst of it by far. Your MC is firmly entrenched in this society when the game starts, but you have some agency to (slowly) start to question the system. Also, the narration is what I would call “quasi first-person POV” meaning that I flavored it through the lens of your character, although the narration uses “you” and it does change in a few spots based on your choices.
New link is below: if anyone’s able to play the game and give the above feedback in the next 7 days or so, I’d be greatly appreciative. Just comment if you can help (or if you have questions)
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Hm, yeah maybe a little bit of Feeder stat recalculation could be done. I didn’t choose every feeder-supporting option out there, but I chose a lot of them, I also vowed to take more Feeder cases and said that I wanted to protect all birds, Hunters and Feeders alike. Still ended up with disdain for Feeders in the epilogue, which was kinda wrong for the character I played. I think my Feeder stat was 30+ without reaching 40, but close. So yes, maybe you could lower the Feeder check for epilogue a little bit or track the decisions like vowing to take more Feeder cases, or something else along those lines, so we could have an MC who slowly wakes up and tries to fix the situation with convenient methods before realizing in the future installments that it’s not going to be so easy.
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This is extremely helpful feedback, and something I can actually fix in a short time, so thank you very much.
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I agree with the comment above. I played a law-abiding, Feeder-friendly owl and only managed to get 27% in the Feeder stat. The fact that I, a sincere owl, who had vowed to make my services more accessible to Feeders and then did not follow up on that promise in the epilogue felt a bit jarring. I also got the feeling that it should be acknowledged if the MC thought about donating to Aunt Harmony, especially if she was the one helping them.
More breadth in outlooks/actions:
During the talk with Concordia in chapter 5, I wish it were possible to earn some points in the Feeder sympathy stat.
For example, in the internal_chap5_vulnerable version, the MC could acknowledge different sets of factors that make a bird vulnerable. The MC is vulnerable due to their debt, Vale is vulnerable due to his disability but an entire group of birds is vulnerable due to their place on the food chain. Or in internal_chap5_braver where the MC imagines themself in the role of a Feeder, they could think something that vaguely sympathizes with the plight of Feeders. In internal_chap5_clever, I thought it was interesting that after the “strong and clever” lead-in, cleverness didn’t outright factor into our MC’s thoughts. Instead, it’s automatically conflated with strength which indicates that cleverness only registers as a distinct quality if it happens to be associated with physical might. Would cleverness actually benefit a Feeder in this society?
When the MC tells the killer that Galileo wasn’t just a turkey, you could introduce a version with a slight but noticeable pro-Feeder stance. The way the MC utters “His name was Galileo”, I actually interpreted it as the MC viewing and acknowledging Galileo as a worthy individual here. However, without clarification, readers could also interpret the statement as a Caller respectfully honoring their dead client.
I would appreciate it if a high Galileo relationship stat would somewhere translate to the opportunity to confirm potential pro-Feeder leanings and thus earn us more points on the Feeder stat. For example, we could specify why we constantly keep or kept prioritizing him. (Other potential reasons: Professional honor (the client comes first) or the reward money.)
There’s one opportunity to acknowledge Concordia’s cuteness. I’d find it interesting to let the MC ponder an entirely hypothetical Hunter/Feeder relationship if that’s even a thing in this world. (I started my MC with the intent of romancing the guys but Concordia ended up being my absolute fave, okay?)
When the MC wonders about Tiberius’s potential death, you could add a less threatening-sounding option in which the Feeders revolt to install a system with more Feeder protections.
Small things I noticed:
- Did I perhaps overstep?[/] (chapter 11) → [/i] (I omitted the opening tag on purpose)
- I’m accusing you of murdering my client." (chapter 11) → Quotation mark at the beginning.
- 'I’m accusing you of besmirching all owls with your deviant behavior." → Quotation mark at the beginning. (chapter 11)
- 'Just a moment." (chapter 13) → Quotation mark at the beginning.
- You hope ${ayvex_his} suffered. (chapter 16) → ${ayvex_he}
- My second playthrough was with a really low Concordia relationship and some choice possibilities felt weird considering that the “His name was Galileo” option is greyed out if his relationship stat is not high enough. For example, attempting to rescue her from the burning nest or “Concordia is my valued assistant” when Ayvex makes the food joke.
Here’s hoping that some of this is useful. I should really go to bed now.
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I’ve shared the substance by DM, but one minor comment – I picked “Pellets!” as my swear, and still got the MC being shocked when the Feeders later use “Owl pellets!” similarly, which seemed off.
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I’m not sure I’m understanding what the problem is? What are the “sensitive issues” exactly? I’m asking because I don’t exactly know what to look for in a specific context.
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Eric can correct me if I am wrong, but hopefully this will help:
When there are different species in a story such as this, where one is more privileged than the other, a bias in-game can often be found. This is reflected in this story here:
With an awareness of this, having a diverse set of testers and readers providing feedback, will allow Eric to make subtle and small changes that then connects to everyone in the IF community in a more positive and enjoyable manner.
What you can do, is while reading, note things that can be changed to empower the “feeder” tier of birds in Eric’s story.
As Eric says, this is a dark and gritty noir-flavored story. In stories that are written like this, hope and little bits of kindness go a long ways in increasing everyone’s enjoyment of the story.
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I can respond more tomorrow, but I wanted to say thanks for communicating the concerns, probably better than I did. I do think the game is pretty balanced, but as people are pointing out, a few final tweaks could make a pro-Feeder playthrough a bit more satisfying.
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Okay coffee, check, fresh donuts, check, a quiet house (for now), check.
Time to start implementing a few final tweaks this weekend.
And I’m getting emails from several folks who thinks the game has plenty, almost too much, pro-Feeder content. 
A quote from an emailer: "Do I interpret the story as endorsing the political system? No, quite the opposite. Most interactions seemed to have an air of “things really aren’t great here, see?”
At least not a single person has said that the story endorses the status quo - so that’s a relief.
@Eiwynn yeah I’ve been thinking about ‘fantasy racism’ and so I gave the entire game an entirely new read this week to check for blind spots. I know even D&D is shifting away from “all (insert race) here are warlike/greedy/noble/etc” so I wondered if I had blundered into stereotypes here. But…I don’t think I did. I mean, there are two classes, yes, but they are basically coalitions of similar birds with similar interests, it’s much more political than anything else, in my view. Players could, if they chose, view Ayvex as a Libertarian, Aunt Harmony as a Progressive/Radical, Tiberius as the Establishment/Status Quo that makes no one happy but leaves enough people…I mean birds…content? Some Hunters are more jerkish than others, Flavia clearly dislikes the brutality of the Guardians/cops, but she’s also comfortable enough with her life to not want to stir the pot too much. I think there are a lot of people who could sympathize with her.
The middle ground is tricky. Some players may find themselves learning toward both Nature AND Feeder sympathy, but how does a predator reconcile those positions, both for themselves and for other predators? There’s no Disneyfied version of ‘nature,’ no version where animals happily frolic in meadows. Hopefully there’s enough tension and conflict (and different positions which different reasonable birds could adopt) that players would struggle to decide what path their owl should take if I write a sequel.
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