Spacing Out - Astra's Story [WiP]


#1

This will be my entry into this year’s Windhammer Prize for short interactive fiction. I think last year it was won by a fellow ChoiceScript author - @Felicity_Banks. Because of the requirements, it is only 15 k words, but I will eventually make it into a longer story.

In this one, you make decisions on behalf of a young Pleiadian woman called Astra on her exploration of an Earth-like planet.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/xjr1plw7t4cvcmb/Spacing%20Out%20-%20Astra's%20Story.htm?dl=0


Spacing Out Release Thread
#2

It’s very… wordy? I think that’s the word? Seems like you were padding the word count with unneeded descriptions and actions.


#3

I couldent we choose gender


#4

Unfortunately, no. I know that many games give you the freedom to generate the main character, including gender. Right now, it is not the case but I should think about it, so thank you.


#5

Okay it’s just people like to choose u know cause some guy want to choose a guy and make him like themselves u know


#6

Last time I checked we’d absolutely no hosted games where you could only play as female. There’s a number where you can play only as male. I don’t see having a set protagonist as a problem in and of itself.

I’m sorry to say that I think Jinx is right on it being too wordy.

There’s far too much text on that first page, without a chance to interact, and I don’t feel drawn in to the story. This is made worse by the fact it’s written in a third person that feels very distance.

Then my first choices are increasing stats? I’m feeling even less engaged by that. Even providing text descriptions of what a skill does instead of just a stat name would be preferable.