Song Of The Fallen WIP: Yet another Codex Entry posted for opinion

As it being a festival I guess after all of that there’s like going to the tavern for a drink or just to get away from all the festivities.

Oh, yeah I actually do have a scene like that planned. If you choose to find a minstrel you go to Mindy’s Tavern (a place mentioned in the very beginning by Ehren).

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So I haven’t gotten all the way through yet, but I have to say, you’ve got a gift for tugging on the feels! I’d just had an argument with Ehren about the value of grand invitations to a starving person, and then I got home and the whole scene with the MC’s mother… jeez. My poor heartstrings.

Well done on that. :slight_smile:

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Thank you! That scene with Ehren was a lot of fun to write. I think it’s important to establish character perspectives early on, highlighting their quirks and differences.

I just finished my playthrough and thought that it seems pretty cool! I think that you did a good job with Ehren because I’ve already started to like him as a character although I can see that he does seem to have flaws(stealing a lot). I’m really interested in trying some of the other paths that you haven’t put up yet(like the one with meeting the magisters!) And the scene with his mother is really heartwrenching, as well as some of the options when you’re talking with the sunsister.

I particularly liked the dream sequence because the small number of words in each scene really gave it a surreal quality that really added to it. Same with the seer scene; you built up the atmosphere very well. Personally I was almost turned off the story at first though–the old man at the beginning of the first chapter seemed like a huge nonsequitor at first and slightly confusing description. To me, it kind of felt like it was hitting you over the head with “this is gonna be a great fantasy adventure” by starting with a prologue and characters you aren’t attached to, but in the long run this was a lot more like a pet peeve. As soon as we went into the story of the young boy, I was much more interested(and as I said before I really liked it :smile:)

Like some other people on this thread had commented, it would be nice to like girls but not Aivah, and maybe for you to bi and like Aivah as well(I’m not sure if that was in there but it was implied that if you did like Aivah you were straight). Looking forward to see the rest of it!

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@Left4Bed first of all i want too say im loving the story :blush: And keep up the great work! :relaxed: I really really enjoyed playing, it was a blast!

By the way: I Also hope i can get the chance to be bitter sweet evil as the Mc and destroy everything since being a hero gets boring pretty quickly xD Also loved Ehren if i can i would love to RO him :wink:

So far this was a fun read. I really like the pace so far it helps guve more backstory and attaches feelings to the setting. I also like the slightly eerie tone of the whole thing. I hope you continue with this because i want to read more of it.

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@DistractedDaydreamer Thank you! I’ve signed up for Camp Nanowrimo because I’m a serial procrastinator, so my goal is to roughly double the content I have right now by the end of this month. I’m excited to finally write up to the point where you inevitably leave your home, since that’s where all the really exciting things that I have planned begin to happen.

Unfortunately, I’m also my harshest critic so I have balance my urge to revise and rewrite with the need to progress the story. The Aivah thing I’ve already changed and added an option where you’re straight but don’t necessarily share her feelings. I admit it’s not the neatest way to determine your sexuality so I’m considering changing the way it gets handled (open to any suggestions). Incidentally, just because you don’t pursue a particular RO doesn’t mean they’ll be consigned to irrelevancy. You’ll still be able to befriend them and have a strong platonic relationship. I don’t want romancing a character to be about unlocking an achievement or for it to be seen as a prize. The importance of a character isn’t always linked to nature or strength of their relationship with you as the player. You’re obviously an important element in this world, but you’re ultimately just a part of a whole and the world doesn’t revolve around you. What you do affects things, but you’ll also be affected by things done by others. That’s kind of my ethos for this game. I’m not completely confident in my ability to actually pull it off, but I think I’ll learn a lot and become a better writer just by trying, even if I fail. Regarding the old man sections, the meaning and relevance of that will become a lot more clear towards the end of the game, so please bear with me on that!

@GloriaRose I’m so glad to hear such a favorable reaction towards Ehren! I think I’ve mentioned before, establishing his character and that relationship was a big concern of mine, since he’s going to be a really important element in the game. I rewrote his dialogue so many times trying to highlight his mischievous streak without making him too annoying and trying to show glimpses of his inner anger without making him come across as a naturally angry person. I’m still not satisfied so I’ll keep tweaking it bit by bit, but I think I’ve found my rhythm for the most part, and I’m so glad to read the feedback. As for the way you’re able to play your character, developing into an anti-hero or bitter sweet evil will definitely be a path you can take. I’ve always preferred books and stories where there isn’t really a “good guy” and where you can kinda see where the “bad guy” is coming from. I’m also obsessed with the idea of trying to do a good thing and ending up making things a whole lot worse, so there’s a bit of a hint for where the story’s might be going.

As for RO’ing Ehren, I’m still trying to decide whether or not that’ll be an option. The gender and sexual orientation of the characters in the game are not affected or determined by your choices, they exist independent of you. I might get a bit of flak for this, but gender at least is an important aspect in this world. It affects the way characters develop and the options available to them. That might not make much sense now since it’s still very early in the game, but basically each of the Fourfold Nations have differing ideas on gender roles and, to a lesser extent, sexual orientation. I don’t want to invite any form of bigotry and I realise this is a difficult line to walk, which is why I won’t be emphasising sexual orientation all that much since I’m still learning about just how nuanced that can be. For the most part everyone is largely accepting, but you won’t be able to RO a heterosexual male character. I haven’t made a final decision, but I’m veering towards making him bisexual.

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@Left4Bed I keep on trying to do Nanowrimo or camp nanowrimo but keep on failing because my procrastination gets the better of me anyway, so kudos to you for trying! And I empathise with the whole revise/rewrite thing, but I think us readers are ok if the earlier parts aren’t quite polished if we can play the rest of it. In the demo stage, anyway.

I’m really glad that you don’t determine a characters relevancy to whether or not they are a romantic interest because I’m always so fascinated by other characters that I sometimes don’t want to romance. The equal weight you are putting on platonic and romantic relationships is really great :slight_smile: I think you hit the effect you were going for with Ehren right on the head. Also, your comment about how you’ll have what other characters do affect you feels like really ominous foreshadowing…I can’t wait to see how that will play out. And the Fourfold nations! Do we get to go to all of them?

Haha! I just hope I’m able to live up to all this foreshadowing I keep teasing. A lot of the specifics for further on, I’m still sort of figuring out and trying to decide what will work best for the story, but for now I really only have plans to take you to one other Nation. That’ll be really far out though, my plans are quite lengthy and i may have to chop it up into more than one installment so it doesn’t become too overwhelming.

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Just kidding this is good news!

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What do these updates entail?

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roughly 20 000 more words and a few other tweaks.

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Coolio. I can’t wait to see the rest of the calling.

Can’t wait~ Can’t wait~ :relaxed::relaxed::relaxed::relaxed::relaxed:

Hurraaaaaay, can’t wait, can’t wait!

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Dear @Left4Bed you have awaken me from my sleep :sunglasses: I really cant wait, THIS will be awsome! gonna get some popcorn! :corn:

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So I’ve posted an update version, it’s not quite as far as I would have wanted it to be before showing you guys something more, but I want to keep myself to a monthly update cycle. I’ve added another Call event you can attend (Seaborn) however it’s not nearly complete yet and takes you down a bottleneck path. I’ve also moved the story further along, roughly doubling the average playthrough from the previous version. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Edit: The transition features I mention in the WIP notes seem to get corrupted somehow during compiling, I’ll try to figure out a way to fix this, but for now I’ve disabled it.

Edit…again: Transitions preliminarily fixed, thanks to @Malebranche. Btw, if you haven’t already, I strongly recommend you try out his WIP Tempest Ten. It’s really well done.

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