Sleepville (WIP) (Second Update hopefully to come at 10k words)

What I really recommend you is using the customizations in the game to make a difference in small scenes.

For example, In my entry for the contest If you choose have a no natural hair colur of hair (blue pink green or custom) Later on you have a choice to dye your hair and that changes where a plot relevant event happens.

Other I use is your race changes your dad culture and several memories you have of him telling you folklore of his land.

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That’s a very good idea which I will try to implement once I get a little more familiar with coding! Sometimes, I tend to add less choices and things due to being afraid of the code and branches that come along with it but i’ll get the hang of it eventually. :relaxed:

I really recommend you tell us your doubts in the monthly writers support thread any of us will help you. And you always can send me a pm if you need coding help or other stuff. :hugs:

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So far, it is an interesting concept for sure.

Just wondering if we will be meeting these or a few people in the sleepville in the awaking world as well?

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@poison_mara is a good person to ask with beginners’ stuff, she can help you. Everyone has a point and I agree with them. Perhaps, I suggest to write the whole story like you are the MC, feel the ambiance of the place, everytime MC or other characters speak (fit in to their shoes, like you are them, reacts and feelings.), tell us what they feel and what they see.

Feel the MC like a person, and also, like what @Empress_Nightmare said to me a year ago, “work with your own pace, even the snail moves fast in their own world.” Don’t rush, your idea and concept is obviously spectacular and interesting, you just need to feel the world and connect yourself into it.

I hope my suggestion is quite okay or good… becuz I am not good in giving an advice/suggestion. :grin:

I will keep an eye with this, I bookmarked it. Can’t wait to see more progress :heart:

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We will see as the story goes along. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: :purple_heart:

This conversation that I’ve had with you guys has been eye opening for me and I think i’m gonna attempt a completely different approach. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to make a post after a single day of working on a game but I don’t regret posting cause you all have been so helpful and I am so grateful.

I started the game telling the reader to immerse themselves in my story but I need to immerse myself first! :sweat_smile:

And thank you, I really appreciate that! It definitely is motivating to know that some people are intrigued by my concept. Now to try and execute something worthwhile LOL

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Yeah, I suggest going on your own pace with lots of help from people like @poison_mara. Thinking that you MUST give more content asap will only make it a mess.

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Hmm, it’s an interesting concept, and I have to say the title was unique enough that it immediately grabbed and held my attention. From experience, however, less than two thousand words is not much to go on. I wish you the best of luck in writing. I’ve bookmarked this thread, and I look forward to playing your demo, when it’s a bit more advanced. The concept really is intriguing, and I think it has a lot of potential.

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oookay. This is for the sexuality choice: “To Tickle the Ivories” means to play the piano. Its white keys were formerly made of ivory.

also

Please don’t. We all gotta start somewhere, and you don’t have to scrap anything; just work on fixing and building on this one.

Random cake example because I’m hungry: If you want to make your own chocolate cake, you gotta find a recipe first, right? Even though the first one may not taste the best, starting from nothing(and no experience) is gonna have…worse results.

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Even if Train scraps everything. It is not a lost it is simply a step in the learning process every writer has to endure And it is a victory by itself.

Also @TrainofPoliteness Can I ask your pronouns? I don’t want misgendered you. by the way mine are she/her.

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This is excellent advice! Sometimes we need some rewriting to improve, and any writing that you do will still be practice in and of itself. Realizing that what we had written so far is not up to par can feel horrible - but it is also a step in the right direction. Not all pieces of writing we do will be excellent all the time, but that does not mean it was a wasted effort. You are learning, and improving, even if it does not feel like it.

As a personal example, the prologue of my own WIP is complete different from its initial draft. I threw out about 10k words - a painful choice - and rewrote almost everything. But I believe it was worth it.

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My sister literally told me that if we weren’t related, she would have stopped reading at the “tickles ivories” joke, lmao. I’ll probably change it in the rewrite but I did find her reaction funny.

And my base outline of the game will remain the same but the actual meat of the story is what I need to work on, for sure. I have a butt load of work ahead of me (ahhh) but it’s pretty fun. :relaxed:

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For sure, yeah. Learning is never a negative. :partying_face:

My pronouns are also she/her, thank you for asking. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I like it so far. It’s pretty short but the concept of the story is fantastic. Looking forward to more. Btw, can i suggest changing the phrasing in regards to the non-binary option? Although there are non-binary people who feel like they’re in between male and female, that’s not the case for all non-binary people.

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I haven’t read the story yet but this idea brings to mind a few questions I need to ask you Are we stuck in the dreamworld are we in a really deep sleep or is it like a coma? And if we are not stuck can we wake up and find things in the real world that can help us in a dreamworld?

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Thank you! And of course, I need to further educate myself on the non-binary gender and if you have any ideas or wish to see the question posed in a specific way, i’m all ears. In any case, I will adjust it. Thank you for the tip. :heart: :grinning:

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MC visits Sleepville while they are sleeping normally.
I haven’t written that much yet but unless I think of something from the real world that could somehow be transferred to the dreamland, I don’t think that’d be a thing. But it’s too early to say for now. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Would you like me to give you an example I have in my head might stimulate ideas for you? I mean of objects that could be brought into dream Vill

Sure homie, dm me if you like. :partying_face: :orange_heart: