@omeg dashingdon is getting taken down at the end of the month, figured you should know
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Pretty helpful. Knowing how players feel at various stages of the game helps me build a picture of what the overall experience is like. And typo reports are equally valid no matter which chapter youāre on, I suppose.
Iām aware. While I will miss DashingDon for sentimental reasons, its death doesnāt really affect me. It just saves me the bother of having to remove an old build of my game from the site.
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Heads up to testers; I updated the game to implement various fixes and Iām afraid it will cause ongoing playthroughs to restart. I was hoping this wouldnāt happen, but apparently thatās just what ChoiceScript does. Oh well.
Still, Iām confident Iāll be able to follow my original plan, despite any potential setbacks. Iāll submit the game for publication two, maybe three weeks from now. The beta wonāt stay up much longer than that, so get it while itās still hot.
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Second playtest from my part is done, @Omeg
Hereās the next drive link:
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Wow. This story was truly an experience. Strong start, interesting moments in the middle, and then once I hit chapter 10 it REALLY grabbed me and kept building. Almost all of the humor hit really well for me (really the only thing is too much 4th wall breaking can grate on me), I found the world and characters interesting, and dialogue well written.
I really had to restrain myself from going full antisocial murderhobo freak. Some of the options you give are just too tempting, but I also wanted to learn more about my companions and not alienate them entirely. My MC went through a fun (well, maybe fun is not entirely the right word based on my ending) bit of begrudging character growth.
You said you didnāt want typo/grammar reports, but one thing Iāll mention is that you often unnecessarily capitalized words following semicolons.
I donāt really have any big criticisms. Iāll share some notes I took throughout the story now, my reactions to each chapter as I read and some potential bugs.
Summary
Chapter 1
Ouch.
Some really great comedic timing in my fight with the metas. Overall a strong introduction imo, dropping nuggets of info about the world that makes me interested to learn more without loredumping, and characters feel distinct.
Chapter 2
Love the perspective shifts here, very effective.
I am going to bully this nerd every chance I get.
Chapter 3
Iām definitely up for some crap talking.
Oh boy! My second time earning the audacity achievement and itās only chapter 3 - OH NO I thought I was just talking shit, I didnāt expect Wisp to actually follow through! Phew, OK actually Iām happy with this outcome. No regrets.
Chapter 4
Hilarious thing for me to say considering IāM most of the problem.
This might be a bug? Iām playing as a woman android, started with female sex and flirted with Lisa in ch1. She said I wasnāt her type. I did switch sex to male when the option came up. Not sure if compatibility with companions is based on sex or gender? (Also related to this, I didnāt screenshot it but at the next opportunity to change sex the text referred to my MC as a man.)
Oh, we spectacularly fucked up this gargoyle fight. Iām sure our abysmal team cohesion has nothing to do with me being a double asshole 
Chapter 5
I really like Link. I went into our reunion fully expecting to finish what I started, but he won me over. The persuasive power of being told you were right all along.
JUICE Sauce!!! New fav character right here, everybody else go home. I will not stand for anyone slandering my boy.
Fun conversation with Sauce. My fav chapter so far. Even though I didnāt start a single unnecessary fight!
Interlude 1
Not sure if this is a bug, I never flirted with Hadaly.
Renfri going straight for the throat lol. I ask her fav color and she grills me on politics.
OH NO thatās not what I meant! I did want to bother Kirill
Just without being rude to Wisp
Chapter 6
Cool sequence with Dusk. Much to think about after meeting our antagonist.
Interlude 2
Hadalyā¦ well, Iām glad my belligerence paid off and I stonewalled Hammon
Chapter 7
Ooops, I read the astronomy book out of order and it ended the scene early Iāll never learn about Mercury or Venusā¦
Oh fuck, of course the paper plane! I just /had/ to punt the kid instead of looking at it earlier -_-ā
I actually didnāt try to fight Crystal at all. I sat back and wanted them to absorb the nanites.
I really wanted another opportunity to tell Kirill he sucks here lol
This chapter felt longer than the others, I guess owing to the fact there doesnāt seem to be a time limit to how much we can fuck around the habitat? Not a bad thing, I was happy to learn more about the world and my companions, but I think from a pacing perspective Iām glad I chose this one last before (what I presume to be) the climax.
Chapter 8
Aww yeah, I finally unlocked the spaceship sex change!
Reunited with my boy Sauce!!! Landing back in our ship was hilarious.
I will say the part of the Crystal fight after theyāre preparing to enter the (moon? I forget exactly now) and I fire a convincing miss felt a bit contrived after I had just convinced them I was on their side. But I really liked getting shot into space so I donāt mind much lol
Chapter 9
LOL. Manfredās great, I like him a lot. Even though he tried to kill me.
Seems like there might be a blank variable here, but I actually really love it lol. I think you should leave it, but maybe just take out the āeven the person you love.ā if itās blank like I had
Chapter 10
Not sure if thereās a missing Damon line in here between where I say āwhat is itā and āof courseā
FUCK Iām actually nervous for this encounter, my MCās biggest goal is to protect herself and her android companions from human abuse
Fuck. Wellā¦ that certainly couldāve gone betterā¦
Thatās kind of you to say, Rook, considering Iāve told you to fuck off at every possible opportunity
Chapter 11
Oh boy! The real villain was utilitarianism all along!
Holy shit, what a line
Not sure if this is an inconsistency or just needs a little more clarity. I kinda read it as Scott knocking Lisa out cold, but then sheās suddenly up again without much description of how she recovered.
Ooof, sorry Lisa but I think this is the first time my MC has ever agreed with Kirill
Motherfucker lol. That was good.
Looks like Lisaās sentence got cut off
Yesā¦ make the violent misanthrope a vesselā¦ what could go wrong. Oh, I guess nothing. Great convo with Dusk. Ending feels really satisfying so far, pacing and tone are great.
Wtf Marshal, what about that time I fed you a burger. I thought we had a moment.
O_Oā
Glad thereās no hard feelings about that time I was willing to explode your heart, Lisa.
God, what an ending to the chapter. Definitely a fitting finale.
Epilogue
I was holding out hope thereād be one last chance to mount a rescue mission. I got most of what I wanted but I couldnāt accomplish my main goal to protect my android companionsā¦ cāest la vieā¦
āditched the biological part of your teamā what about Miguel, Olivia, and Hugo?
The End.
Bittersweet is certainly right. What a journey.
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Itās actually about as long as Telesto and Saturn chapters put together. It wasnāt like that at first, but I kept adding stuff to it and slowly making it into an absolute monstrosity of a scene. Happens.
Rook is a pretty polite guy, and will keep his distaste for the MC hidden most of the time. The fact that it saves me the effort of having to write every interaction with him twice is totally just a nice side effect.
Based on your commentary, I believe you consistently made choices that made Lisa happier and pissed Marshal off. A single moment is not enough to change the entire dynamic you have with the character, despite what fairmath opponents would have you believe.
In any case, Iām glad someone got the āLisa shoots Kirillā outcome. It was one of my favorite scenes to write, but the conditions for it are pretty specific, so I was worried it would go unnoticed forever.
That line was actually referring to them. Itās supposed to only appear in routes where these three have beenā¦ removed from the picture. I just messed up the *if command.
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so yeah i just binged through this whole thing andā¦i dont use caps or hard swears often butā¦
This is a FUCKING MASTERPIECE
Praise Phenex (nearly cried in relief when she came in clutch, who needs big e or the chaos gods when shes around), Praise Sauce (awesome character and mega stat booster) and Praise Wisp (just perfect)! And fuck the rich dude (glad the greedy scumbag took the data instead of hadaly ), the cult lady (evil aint a toy) and the dusk (seriously fuck them, hope the losers stay trapped forever or maybe even cleaned up for good by the divine light of Phenex and the other top dogs someday).i am truly and utterly blown away by all the amazing writing, tasteful references (the must scream and mass effect ones couldnt be more perfect) and yeah, fucking masterpiece. Bravo.
my only criticism is that i did feel it kinda dragged on a bit like the ending of lotr return of the king after blowing up crystal meth who i thought was the final boss (2 whole acts after that yowza) but by the end it was like placing first in a marathon, one of the best cog games ive ever played, same top tier as diaspora
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Oh yeah, I wasnāt actually too surprised, more being tongue-in-cheek. My original plan was to romance Marshal. It, uh, quickly became clear that was not going to happen.
It is definitely memorable. The emotional journey from the Lisa bomb fake-out ā actually getting splattered with an ROs brains ā Lisa and Marshalās Loony Toons-ass chase was great.
Plus, I canāt imagine a more narratively satisfying ending to my playthrough. Rook was a great examination of respectability. The mild-mannered leader is the first to sacrifice his teammates or fire spaceship weaponry into the populated Calypso. Meanwhile the violent Lisa spares Da-xia and the misanthropic Veteran saves the Solar System.
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Iām still reading through the story but I have to ask because I keep wondering if maybe I read something wrong or missed it entirely-
What sets normal humans apart from the Metahumans, androids etc? What allows them to stand toe-to-toe against the other races/species? 
Also Olivia is an octopus (I think?) But Iām a little confused since sheās described as a well endowed female with thighs any man would die for. At first I thought she was humanoid in shape, with octopi features, but when I looked through the descriptions and it doesnāt mention anything humanoid. So I guess Iām just trying to picture what she looks like and what is āwell endowedā for an octopus? Are her āthighsā her tentacles?
Enjoying the story so far ^-^ I plan on leaving a better review once I finish my game lol
Nothing. A regular human doesnāt have any inherent advantages over a metahuman or an android. Humans are still around because they appeared first (being a product of natural evolution and all) and got to shape the Solar System to their advantage before populating the hell out of it. In the long run, theyāre doomed to absolute extinction, but so far theyāve been kept alive by sheer inertia.
Thereās no mention of āthighsā in Oliviaās introduction, or even the entire second chapter. The word I used was ālegsā which is not entirely accurateāoctopus limbs are generally called āarmsā after allābut she has to use those arms to move on land, so ālegsā works well enough.
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@Omeg this is my third playtest of the game. I bundled the Lisa review into it along with a rebiew on my thoughts towards Manfred.
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Thank you. With that, I think I have enough feedback to make a few final touches and submit the game. Iām not sure when Iāll take the beta down, but anyone who intends to finish their playthrough should better hurry.
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Soā¦ DashingDon is finally down, Saturnine is finally undergoing content review and Iām finally working on another project. Itās an eventful month for a person like me, relatively speaking that is.
Since things are changing (and since Iām a little broke at the moment) I decided to open a Patreon account. Itās meant to contain bonus content for Saturnine, updates for my upcoming story and additional lore for these gamesā shared setting. At the time of writing this, the page features:
- A lore blurb about Phoebe, a small but infamous moon of Saturn, written almost three years ago as one of my first pieces of original content. Public.
- Space Is Not Dark, a short poem coupled with a slightly longer rant about the nature of my work. Members only.
- A set of flags for various nations of the Solar System, numbering exactly thirteen flags total. Paid only.
- Early look at Walls of Natrun, my upcoming WIP, in the form of the gameās prologue chapter. Fully playable, although quick and easy to complete. Paid only.
- A collection of trivia, background notes and personal thoughts about the main characters of Saturnine. Paid only.
You can find the Patreon page here. There is only one paid tier of $3 a month, granting you full access to everything I just listed and everything to come. I think itās worth checking out if youāre at all interested in my content, or just want to make my day a little brighter.
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You made a great story and thank you for this! Too bad Lisa isnt playersexual she is the one of the best RO for me but I cant romance her as female 
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