They cheered and celebrated as they tore apart fully grown men in half.
Pick one, either they were tearing people apart or in half
Edit:
Wielding a giant sword nearly it’s size in one hand, you this particular Val’Shuun cleave an entire group of men in half, whilst commanding its fellow Val’Shuun in the midst of battle.
You accidentally a word around at the bolded part.
The Val’Shuun leader suddenly strided forward
Should be strode.
wading its way through its reveling brethen
Awkward phrasing. Cheering/Celebrating would be better choices.
A disordered mass of creatures. Some posses long talons
Double S on the end too.
Luckily, majority of the Val’Shuun were nowhere as fearsome
Accidentally a word again.
The soldiers earlier did noy think
Swap Y with T
It was not a bond so easily shakened.
It’s just shaken
Steeling yourself you turn back to face the immense horde that approaches ever closer
Awkward phrasing, perhaps try looming
You hold the key to this battle and if you fail your entire party fails
Do you want fall/falls instead of fail/fails?
With a defeaning sound, it impacted in to the Val’Shuun horde
Deafening. Suggest replacing impacted with slammed. Into is one word, not two.
Despite the havoc that your spell wreaked upon the enemy,
Awkward phrasing, remove “that”.
Soon another horde began to form, and they charged at you with renewed vengeance
Fervour (or US spelling thereof).
In the rear with you, your Archer fires
At rather than in.
Ok, that’s everything I spotted.