New person to this thread, just read the OP, there’s gonna be limes somehow right?
Unfortunately, no…
Sounds good can’t wait I wonder what the past
While I like the idea of there being only one straight guy among (potentially) seven, I am slightly worried about this:
A dead boyfriend before the game even begins!? 
Why must you do these things to me, why!?
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Well look at the bright side, it’s not as much of a heartbreak for you since you’re used to it 
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Every one is a heartbreak. 
Even characters I haven’t ever met and don’t know the name of.
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Awww…poor, poor @ParrotWatcher. 
For me it’s only heartbreak when my mc has at least met them. Poor, poor Sawyer. 
Of course treasonous boyfriends/crushes are even worse! Like Ganelon in XoR! 
And if the pattern continues of everyone dying around us…
While we were speaking about trans characters, I was wondering, are any of the other characters trans, or will it only be an option for the player character?
So, say I were to create a WiP entitled “Choice of the Dead Boyfriend”…? 
Spoiler alert 
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I wouldn’t play it.
@Lorikeet: Would it make sense to have one of Lily/Sam or Shiloh being non-binary, rather than gender-flipping?
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This sounds super cool!!!
Would it make sense to have one of Lily/Sam or Shiloh being non-binary, rather than gender-flipping?
I am considering that, Shiloh isn’t technically human… so I was considering having them be neither male nor female; however, I would worry about non-binary audience members thinking I’m saying they aren’t human.
While we were speaking about trans characters, I was wondering, are any of the other characters trans, or will it only be an option for the player character?
Yes. Magdalena is the only NPC transgender character.
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How could you. My family was murdered by a lime.
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@Lorikeet
Honestly, my advice, is just write the story how you want it to be, how you best imagine the characters. Someone is always going to be offended somehow. As much as I really do admire your effort to be all-inclusive AND totally non-offensive, there is a point where no ill intentions on your part means that certain people getting offended isn’t your problem, or your story, it’s theres for assuming you intention. So far, this community and specifically those who have posted on this forum, having been pretty understanding of ignorance on topics about inclusivity. Less so about disagreement; I’ve been censored on this forum before because I hold an unpopular opinion in a particular aspect of the LGBTQ (plus other letters, I’m behind) debate, issue, situation, popular opinion, whatever word you want to use. It’s great to love all people, I do too, just remember sometimes that trying to appease people and an opinion, over getting YOUR story written, can be very counter-productive. Even if someone gets upset at what you are writing, just remember that your thoughts and beliefs have every right to be heard as much as their’s do. 
Obviously, none of that is to say that inclusivity and diversity is a bad thing. It’s great! There is just a point where trying too hard at it pulls away either from the other aspects of the writing, or from the authors vision. This should be about YOUR story that you imagined and a world YOU created, not one created by an opinion on a forum.
Not all of this applies specifically to that comment about non-binary, either, but rather to any topic on which strong opinions are often held. My purpose in quoting that was simply to display a fear of being offensive that can lead to counterproductivity and a dilluted quality of the story and it’s origional vision.
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Yeah, otherwise you’ll turn into bioware. 
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Alright, so the demo looks nothing like the final will be…
What I have available to play is actually what I had written months ago, but I figure it’s a little better than nothing.
As it stand, I really like the character creation so I’m pretty sure it will stay mostly the same. Though I will be adding some more options in…
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Couple things:
- There’s a weird fixation on sex and virginity. I feel like the game is telling me how I feel–why should I be embarrassed I’m a virgin?
- No option for aros or aces?
- Gender choice:
A. Gender presentation and identity can differ.
B. The options would be better presented as “I was assigned x, but I identify as y,” have clothing in a separate, nongendered choice
C. Any chance we’ll be able to play as nonbinary? - No but seriously, the sex dreams and our mental fixation on them seriously grosses me out.
- The beginning dream scene was pretty cool. Your descriptions are pretty good.
- Who stands naked in front of their mirror in the morning before school?
Edit: Actually, let me explain 4. The way the dreams are described and the way the main character’s reaction to them are described makes me feel uncomfortable, and also annoyed, because I chose the “they’re just dreams” option in hopes my character would think little of them, not continue to wax poetic.
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I’m sorry you feel that way.
Like I said, this was a rough draft from months prior when I had different plans and different thoughts for where I wanted this to go.
I tried not to make it feel like you should care about your virginity, more that you understand that other people put a lot of weight on it. If this were the final draft I suppose I would add an option to say, “Fuck it - I’m a virgin and I’m proud!” As it is, the fact that the character is a virgin is actually kind of important to the story, though I suppose I could downplay it.
In terms of aros and aces, no, I guess? (Again, I’m not too knowledgeable about aros/aces) This story could be considered drama/romance. So I don’t think an aromantic person would enjoy it.
There are limited options here in terms of gender, but this is a rough draft from months aho. A lot of things I plan to change. You will be able to play nonbinary, that option will be coming. First I want to rewrite this beginning area, change some options, add some more, then bring out a better copy…
As for that last one, I’m sorry? Normally people shower naked? A lot people check their bodies to make sure no concerning changes have occurred and a lot of people do walk around naked in the comfort of their own homes. I guess I’m weird for being comfortable with my body? I don’t know, I just thought it would be cool to have a wider variety ofmpersonalizations and I thought this was the best way?
I apologize if you’re uncomofortable by my rought draft. I’ve always believed that sexuality is nothing to be afraid of or made uncomfortable by. It’s natural and can be a beautiful thing, even if you don’t experience attraction the same way others do.
Desire is a key aspect to this story; not just sexual but romantic, friendly, familial, professional, et cetera. I’m clearly ignorant in subjects concerning the vast number of sexualith and gender identifications, but I promise this is not what the final draft looks like.
Even as a non-asexual/aromantic, I’d have to agree. There’s no shame in waiting for the right person. (Likewise, there’s no shame in having a more active sexual lifestyle, but it should be up to a person’s own feelings, not dictated by society.)
And you really should take @hallofmirrors’s advice about the transgender options. Transgender people are the gender they identify as, even though they were assigned to a different one.
I don’t see a problem with the nudity, but again, it would probably depend on the person.
(And still disappointed by the unavoidable dead boyfriend… 
)
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I played through the character creation, and then got an error when I tried to edit details (didn’t grab a screenshot, sorry) so if there’s anything after that, I don’t have comments on it yet.
I also want to second @hallofmirrors’s comment about the way transness is presented in the character creation–wording is important, and saying “I’m X but was assigned Y at birth” is much more than “I’m Y but I identify as X.”
I also didn’t think the nudity was much of an issue in and of itself, but I was also kind of … bothered by the fixation on the virginity of the character. It’s a personal preference, and there will probably be people who have no problem with it, but the fixation on it is definitely kind of alienating for people who don’t think much of it (or consider it a somewhat outdated concept). The idea that sex is going to be a theme within the story was already something that had the potential to be alienating–you’ll get comments about it feeling uncomfortable for your readers, and probably also comments from people who don’t care. There’s an audience for everything, but I also foresee that issue being something that might turn away potential members of that audience, and while it’s ultimately up to you to figure out what exactly is necessary for your themes and the story you want to tell, you might also want to consider why exactly some elements are present and whether or not they’re really necessary. The concept of virginity is a really fluid one that has a definition that really changes from person to person (I notice this especially when talking to not-straight people) and trying to have it be like, a set variable feels like it could get really alienating for people really fast.
The things I feel like really, really need adjusting are the unavoidable dead former partner and the purple prose in the character creation.
Purple prose is just a term for overly flowery language, and a lot of the times where colors were chosen it was either so specific as to make me feel like none of the options fit the character I was picturing, or so steeped in metaphor it was hard to tell what I was choosing. Especially on hair color I had --I understand that the typical “blonde,” “black,” “brown” can feel dull but it’s organized that way for a reason. Clarity in character creation is important–not a lot of these stories have this in depth of character creation, most of them just leave it all up to the player’s imagination, and while I don’t think there’s an issue with doing it like this (especially if it’s stuff that will come up later) but you should really try to pick clarity over trying to sound pretty. If I’m picturing a character with bright blue eyes, describing them as “gunmetal” doesn’t feel accurate, but it’s also the only blue option, and it felt like a lot of the character creation was me making compromises to how I was picturing my character. Having a pretty way of describing something only really works if the reader can tell what you mean
I also wasn’t really big on the way styling your hair was described–maybe my MC just leaves it messy? It’s a small detail that doesn’t have that much of an impact, but I feel like it’s one of those things that just works better when it’s vague. I don’t think it’s important to say how the MC deals with their hair, but it does stick out to me when it goes against my concept for my MC–is this before or after the shower? They could just be running their hand through it and thinking of it that way.
I also had issue with there being an unavoidable dead partner in the MC’s past. Mourning is something that’s so different from person to person, and everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to the way it’s handled and the way it’s done. Is it important to the MC’s backstory that their partner died? Why not a breakup? If it has to be something with an impact on the MC, why not a rough breakup? Honestly, I’m really not comfortable reading a piece of work that forces my character to have that kind of emotional trauma–I know that it’s been mentioned a handful of times that the MC is in therapy and maybe this is why, but there are a lot of reasons for people to get emotional help lie that and this is one that’ll really turn me away from the game
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