But if you don’t play as that kind of relationship, first love doesn’t hold up. I went the found family route and I completely understand why Zima feels so hurt, particularly as I had MC be up front with him about both MC’s mother urging the break and how miserable the calls had started to make them. It would feel like a double rejection from two people he loved when he thought loved him back just as much at a time in his life where his bad habits were relapsing and he needed them more than ever. But at the same time, he was edging MC right back into the same position they were and had worked so hard not to be in anymore. I don’t doubt that he wasn’t able to see or understand in that headspace how selfish and harmful to both of them that was. But to keep blaming MC is a bit OTT.
What I really don’t understand is how he expected to be recognized. He wasn’t still the pudgy teen MC had known. He’d transitioned (I’m assuming) fully, which means all the changes hormones bring. He’d also done enough body building that it was immediately noticeable. It’s entirely likely that he looks and sounds absolutely nothing like the kid MC once knew, and he has to know that. And his stage name contains neither of the names MC knew him by. Expecting instant recognition and getting pissy about it when you don’t get it in that context is ridiculous. It’s probably the same with female Zima, I can’t imagine the changes would be less dramatic in that transition particularly as, again, they were youngish teens when they met.
For male Zima that is putting it mildly. He has really bulked up in the years we haven’t seen him where he used to be this rosy haired slightly overweight cookie loving kid he returns as a blond, hunky sex symbol.
While I headcanon my mc has also started a serious fitness regimen in college and has filled out nicely too it is not at the same level Paul did who seems to have really taken to bodybuilding. Since my mc was and is a pretty boy he still mostly looks the same he did back then just with a better physique now, but then, in spite of his low opinion of himself, I figure my mc was always naturally beautiful/pretty and athletic so he had to work at it way less than Paul did.
As it stands that is more effective for a male → female transition than female → male, which is what Paul does in my game.
And at least somewhat prosperous, that bit would be important too for my mc considering how dirt poor he used to in his youth.
ngl i was expecting another “climb to fame” music WIP but wow this is the best music WIP I’ve read, a pleasant surprise! i don’t usually fw such an established MC but you made this work so wonderfully; i’m so invested in MC’s story. love the writing and how smooth the story flows, plus the characters have distinct voices which i love and they’re all pretty likeable— I’m attached to everyone in this story, especially stevie and angel. it’s like watching a coming of age movie
I really enjoyed this new chapter. I am only going to echo the general sentiment with this, but the point deserves to be hammered in.
It was a really intense chapter in all the good ways. I loved all the emotion and angst on display, especially when it comes to MC’s interactions with the band’s current and future members or their family. Single mom is a saint, and I’d do anything to bring her happiness.
I thought the themes of mental illness/distress were handled with a lot of respect and authenticity and it’s much to your credit.
I’ve said so before but I’ll say it again, I think the format of the story is absolutely amazing. Being able to hear the story told from so many different perspectives with the benefit of hindsight as well is great, it feels like a window into the minds of the other characters and I love to see them react to the story, in a way, basically at the same time as I read it and help foreshadow things to come. The constant dramatic irony it brings to the story is definitely to its benefit.
Thank you very, very much. I actually haven’t found many IFs where mental illness is a core topic, so I was actually surprised to read this. Still, that just makes it more meaningful to me. It’s definitely something that “carves me open” while I write it (in a good way) and I’m intensely glad that effort bleeds through
This is what’s happening here. Zima isn’t acting rationally. They are being confronted with a person they adored, having to deal with the realization that they have not seen each other in 7 years, that they never saw each other grow up even though Zima desperately wanted to. Zima isn’t just angry that MC doesn’t recognize them, Zima is angry at the overall situation. And that’s not even real anger, only masked sadness. (Plus, MC progressed further in their music career than Zima could begin to dream of at that point, which only constitutes another sore spot.)
As stated by Zima themself in their interview, they loved MC, whether it was romantic or platonic love. So whether or not they had a crush on MC, their feelings for them were just as intense. Now, Zima’s underwent drastic changes. Of course they shouldn’t expect MC to recognize them. Of course they shouldn’t be angry. But it’s not really about recognition. And Zima isn’t really angry either. I’m gonna refer to sth I already said in a previous comment; 90% of Zima’s anger is masked hurt.
They are not a rational person. If they were, they should have realized they were hurting MC in 2008 and withdrawn/peacefully accepted the end of that friendship. And they also should have been professional with MC right off the bat. But people, in my experience, very often let emotions cloud their judgement and don’t manage or even try to detach themselves from a situation. Either way, Zima certainly doesn’t.
Aside from that, mind that this is the first two interactions MC has with Zima after a seven year silence. There’s no reason to assume they won’t see reason, but they may need a hot minute to process everything.
Great to see you on this thread again!! Very very glad you’re still enjoying the story. I know it’s been said before about the heaviness of the chapter, but I’m still happy to hear it again because writing it made me feel pretty rough at times and it’s just so good to know that it was worth it. So I appreciate you taking the time to tell me again
The interview sequences are proving particularly difficult to “design” given I’m basically always walking a tight rope and I’ve got to be really careful of revealing too much while at the same time allowing the sense of dread I want to convey to creep in… I’m afraid I’m scaring off a good amount of readers with that, but I’m not gonna stop now
so zima is just hurt i get that, but zima should have enough time to see his own mistakes making our mc feel bad on the old days , i get it he dident see that after our mc was out of the clinic and it was the right choice to cut down the contact , but i also wonder did zima even think about that in the years what he did wrong to force our mc to cut the contact, i mean we did have to chance to tell why we did it . or would that be a spoiler ?^^
People are complicated. I’m certain Zima knows to some level they are not blameless, and that probably only makes it worse. Harder for them act rationally about it, it only adds to the passions at the heart of the conflict.
They’re not perfect and neither is our MC, sometimes people act out in irrational or unpredictable ways. I believe Zima has the right to feel hurt, or mad, even if they consciously know they’ve also done wrong by the MC in other ways.
I think their reaction is understandable, even if it’s unfair to the MC. It feels like an epidermic reaction to an old wound’s reopening, instinctual retaliation to something that has hurt you before. I do not blame them, both Zima and MC had their reasons and I think even though both have grown the scars have not fully healed, and perhaps they only will with compassion and understanding from both sides, once they’ve forgiven each other.
For what it’s worth I think you’ve done an excellent job so far. This is certainly a difficult balance to maintain, but usually I think only the most observant readers would really be able to bring the pieces together and figure out where you’re going before you actually get there. You have the benefit of having all the pieces at once yourself, which readers do not.
And in the end I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. Like a murder mystery, there’s satisfaction to figuring it out when you’re given the pieces to assemble by yourself over the course of the narrative, it’s a sign of a coherent story if anything else.
i usually don’t comment on posts but i’m so so in love with this IF. the way it’s written is so refreshing. something about the interview format to introduce the characters scratches an itch in my brain. it’s cool to see how the characters differ from their present and past self, and it makes very me curious about what happened before they disbanded. i’m also now invested with all the characters but maybe i’m a bit too fond of my baby stevie
i also love how you tackled the topic of mental illness so respectfully. the way we have a choice on what makes up our illness and how we approach it adds a relatability that i rarely have for my MCs (as someone who rarely makes self-insert MCs in IFs).
anw this is definitely one of my favorite IFs to date and i can’t wait to read more!
I’m really running out of good ways to say thanks to the people expressing their support but I really want you to know I appreciate the kind words and I read every nice message at least thrice
One bug, perhaps it’s better to omit ‘The’ on the list of default names:
I love Zima! Especially for crying before watching Sailor Moon. Poor little weeb. You really crammed a lot of character in very short time.
The rest of RO’s disappeared for me I’m afraid, lol. I do like that there’s a not-so-happy ending in sight, I might be in the minority here, but I’m a sucker for ‘reconnecting after years passed and drama blew over’. And I love the format of the interview, feels very natural.
Thank you for your work, I really like it. I am especially interested in the further relationship between MC and Zima. I hope there is a happy(love) end for them (I’m such a softy). Angel and Lincoln are good too, can’t wait for next update!
.
).
