The story is now roughly at 68,250 words, this small update both updates and adds a new bonding scene between MC and June. Most of these little snippets will be expanded upon later to bulk them up but I am trying to unfold out time passing through these events.
These events are also how you will sculpt you MC how you like as they grow up. I at first when writing this IF; tried to write the beginning acts in a more childish tone to reflect MC’s youth but I really don’t know if I can keep doing that, since I love the way my words naturally flow. So I might go back at some point and revise the language of the prologue when I go back and add flavor text for the Albino trait (which YES, I have not forgotten about. I also gotta add flavor text to the secret trait that I added last update).
In this update I focused on the Androphobia (fear of men) trait, please take not how MC acts during these scenes because this how I envision future interactions with male RO’s will go.
If anyone has suggestions for my portrayal of this phobia (or Italian, cuz there is quite a bit of that in this update) feel free to reach out! I am doing my best with the knowledge I have, any constructive criticism is appreciated and will most likely help shape the way these interactions go in the future.
Okay first of all, thank you so much for all your thoughts, suggestions, and insights! It really mean so much more to me than you can possible know! It’s such a blessing to know what it is reader think when they read a particular passage, getting a glimpse into your brain as you read my story is just so wonderful. Okay lets go through each one.
Hehe, the currency name Valor/Valore was actually picked since the region is both Spanish and Italian inspired; Valor means ‘worth’ in Spanish and Valore means the same in Italian. (if my sources are correct)
You actually have a really good point and I will make a note to revise that when I go back through editing the prologue, thank you!
To specify, during the inn scene June does say it’s not all Romandians that are so mean; but yeah, essentially fuck the village Lontapsio in particular lol.
Well, it’s definitely not Latin she is speaking but rather Irish Gaelic. That song is an actual real one!
Sorry, but we gotta put them doggies away.
In this world soaps have existed for a while but just MC didn’t ever use them lol, their definition of a shower was simply whenever it rained.
I like actively aggravating/annoying my characters whenever I can, I found ruining her carefully though out speech was hilarious so I added it lol. But I am happy it’s refreshing to readers to be able to do so hehe.
I genuinely have no idea what scene this is but it feels about right.
Lmao, gotta bring the pain every now and then right? Can’t be having people getting to happy with all the fluff can we?
I thought it would be an interesting thing to incorporate, so I did.
I personally think these early ‘mean’ Sombra scenes are just baby MC being jealous of the horse getting all of June’s attention and not them lol
Lady June is a very classy woman and I gotta give her credit when I can.
Traits: It’s still a bit early for me to fully integrate what I have in mind for the trait system because I need to have more moments where the MC can boost their stats then have them affect dialogue. For now I think of the future traits system working like the phobia’s currently do; where they get you unique dialogue but they also block your options.
There is also absolutely nothing you can really do to lower June’s love for you until much later in the story. I did that because I feel like it fits her character.
Oh please believe more darkness is coming, stuff I write tends to be sad which is why the hardest parts for me to write is actually the fluff but I do my best. I just didn’t want to overload people with all the depression and I get the impression people are tired of all the “Sad puppy” MC’s in recent IF’s. So I wanted people to get a few commercial breaks of happiness before I drag them back to the darkness through out the story to keep it balanced. MC can be a poor kid but grow up to be headstrong; that way it can keep them from being so helpless and more like frustrated that they feel abandoned by the person who was their whole world AFTER all the crap they had to endure to get to this point. Ya’know?
But thank you so much for the feedback!!! Feel free to give me more anytime!
@Fable I went back to try a different choice and its happening for all of them now. Just wanted to update you on it. As usual what I have read is soooooo good. I seriously love this story
I picked phobia of men the dinner was really interesting, are we going to be able to have a conversation with June about our phobia? Overall really good update.
Hello! And yes you can; although June tends to try and accommodate your phobias rather than help you get over them. You can work on facing your fears later in the story when you met the traveler character.
Woop woop!