Nothing left (to burn) [WiP] — July 16 update!

getting a 404 error :grimacing: i have cleared my cache, so that’s not the issue :thinking:

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@wanamingo I reuploaded the demo, try again now! :smile:

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aha! it’s working now :]

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hate to be the bearer of bad news (again, hello) but the demo ends at the prologue for me :sweat_smile:

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@wanamingo Ooops, I know what I did wrong :see_no_evil: At the end of the prologue I forgot I put an *ending command (I should have changed it to *finish), which leads to the end of the game instead of that file and jumping onto the next. Sorry, I corrected it, thanks! :sweat_smile:

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I did find some sentences where Drew was called ”them” despite being set to ”he/him” pronouns; is this intentional?

Other than that, I’m very interested in this project! Don’t really have anything useful feedback, sorry, but I’m definitely going to keep checking this one.

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When reading the plot, all I could think of was School 2015 and Solomon’s Perjury simultaneously. Probably because they’re both mystery, and the latter deals with the death of a student labelled a suicide, and the main character taking it upon herself to investigate properly. Highly recommend- BUT! More importantly, I was in it the moment it started. I did notice in the beginning it says: “And why gonna lie,” which I assume is supposed to be “not”? Then there was “…,all kinds of smart; it doesn’t matter, if it exist, Drew has it.” I hope I don’t sound pretentious or something right now;; I feel like it could be phrased better when mentioning their intelligence? Reading it was a bit awkward personally, but that could just be me. There’s a few scattered errors, like “though love” instead of “tough love”, but it didn’t take me out of it. It seemed odd that the name had been redacted, then their surname later mentioned, unless it was their first name that was redacted? But this was really interesting! I look forward to more being released, it’ll be fun, especially with where the demo ended. It’ll make things so cool. Is that appropriate to say given the story?

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What a cliffhanger! I can’t wait for another update, now I’m interested to see what will happen next. A question: Are we going to get another POV describing Drew? That’ll help to get to know him and to see that he’s not as perfect as MC describes him. I’m glad you decided to not drop this project off and I hope you’re in a better situation and living a happy life now :heart:

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Whoa, this game hit me hard. Your writing is incredible, I actually felt the anger and sadness myself. I love the story, the emotions, that cliffhanger, I love it all! Please keep up the good work and please take good care of yourself~

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@LiliArch using they/them pronouns when Drew isn’t set has none binary is an oversight on my part, I will look into it. If you happen to catch any of them and point out where they are, you would help me a great deal! :smile: Thanks for dropping by!

@PrismaticSpace those sound like interesting reads, maybe I should take a look on them.

The phrasing might me a bit off of some parts as English is not my native language, but I’ll take a look into it. Sometimes I like to play with the language and try different things to give strong impressions, but I’ll check it again (and for the typos).

Although, what’s wrong with this one? As in, “there’s no reason to lie”? :thinking:

Yes, the [REDACTED] part refers to Drew’s first name because the papers only knows their surname (Moore), it’s mentioned in the article itself :slight_smile:

It’s totally fine to enjoy this, as it’s a form of entertaiment I create to deal with my own issues :smile:

@Flinx that cliffhanger is the while reason why the update is 2/3 instead of a full chapter! :upside_down_face: the whole game is from the player’s POV, so it would be hard to implement game-wise. I might add some extras when the game is finished/between chapters, who knows :wink:

Thank you for your kinds words! You’re a sweetheart. And yeah, currently I’m in a much better place and I’m a lot happier, but you know, these things can still hurt even years after you believe the wound is healed. Little by little, but getting there :hugs:

@Ninja1 thank you for playing! I believe it’s very important to make the reader relate to the story and feel it, I’m so glad to hear it left you such impact! You’re too nice :smile:

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I think the phrasing was just odd to me, it was awkward to read for me? If that makes sense? But I’m happy you’ve found a way to cope with everything. I’ve learned that turning your experiences, your hardships, into something like a story or drawing/painting, can do a heck of a lot more than therapy. I hope creating this continues to help you find solace.

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That ending of the demo though I am about to throw my lamp out of the window and wtf!? Anyway this demo is amazing really felt the emotions on it.

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I’ve cried twice during this demo!

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Lol SAME. I’ve cried when I was reading Drew’s funeral. It was so sad! Specially when we are conscious that his/her father died too and now his/her mother and sister are all by themselves
Maybe we’re just too sensitive hahah idk

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I know that feeling. I’ve played this thing about 10 times and I cry every damn time.

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This WIP is so, so, so good that I bookmarked it. And every time I replay I cry, this is amazing. I love this. And that cliffhanger, woah. Can’t wait to see more!


And for some errors I’ve lazily spotted~

Summary

I don’t understand what this sentence is supposed to be? Is it saying He seems to catch himself?

I think it’s supposed to be Can’t we… Can’t we forget this? instead of be

Whole sentence sounds wonky now when I re-read it. Maybe try Not only was he a play-mate to you, but also almost like a brother

Do you mean is?

Sentence sounds weird. Try can you tell me more about Drew?

I’m

Sounds like a word is missing. Maybe try adding in on a project to make it complete? Like: you end up making an absurd amount of progress on a project that’s due in two weeks

Should you have been more persistent? sounds smoother. Also replace the what with that

The plural form for proof is proof, not proofs. Sentence sounds awkward. The proof prove it was a sucicide?

seem like a different woman sounds better

Hug

Wearing

Is Imani speaking in third person? Also sentence is weird, maybe try: Oh, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m fine?

proof

In my playthrough Drew’s a dude, I think you should change it to he

to

shoot

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@PrismaticSpace okay, I’ll see if I can do something about it. If I can’t keep it, I’ll have to think of something else that fits better :upside_down_face: Thank you for your kind words :hugs:

@HectorPX, @Bella_Morte, @Flinx, @Vyndral, @Fay that’s what I like to hear! :smiling_imp: I still have to polish the conversation with the reporter and I’m still a bit on the fence about adding a particular scene regarding an ugly argument that happens between one of Drew’s distant relatives and the MC. What do you think, should I add it? :thinking:

By the way, @Fay thank you for playing and for the reported typos/mistakes! You were able to find so many of them, thank you for your work! :smile:

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Of course! If it isn’t too much work. I mean, it’ll just add more to the anguish and I’m ready to get my heart broken. I think what I love the most about this WIP is how much you made me care about Drew. Which isn’t easy, because some games that feature the childhood friend trope often bore me because I don’t really care enough about the character. But you got me really attached to Drew to the point that I actually cried when I read his/her fjnal text messages :sob:

image

I’m sure there are plenty more that I missed. But I’m already so hooked on the game that I’ll replay thousands of times to report anything I can find!


@Lycoris By the way, if you don’t mind that I ask. Will we get to customize our MC, simple things like picking hair color or eye color? And will we be able to choose our last name too?

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Huh. I think it depends of how do you write it. I’m guessing you are trying to make this distant relative unlikable, aren’t you? In that case I personally feel it would be to cliché to have this person talking bullsh*t about Drew plus, we already have the news reporter doing that job. Idk, I just feel it will overcharge the idea of “And everyone that didn’t know him/her thought he/she was an annoyance”
I suggest you instead have that distant relative really confused, like, they didn’t know anything about Drew but they feel pity for what has happened. And you could even make MC snap at them like “Well, if you feel so sorry for Drew and his/her family then why you didn’t worry about them before huh? When, I don’t know, he/she was still alive?!”
I think this perspective would make things even sadder than they already are, because it will show us (readers) that maybe not everyone thinks Drew was a stupid suicidal person but instead they just didn’t care enough to be involved in his/her life
Anyway, I hope this helps :heart: and it’s just my opinion anyway. Good luck!

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I love this. I know this is going to make me sob relentlessly but I love this.

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