Nothing left (to burn) [WiP] — July 16 update!

superb writing as usual, pal! kinda miffed that we can’t charge in and punch some lights out when drew’s being bullied. sure mc would get their butt kicked, but it’s the thought that counts. it’s ok though cuz i’m sure it’s for plot reasons and freezing up is also pretty common in these situations. helps that mc ran away from them and their school too and might have some ptsd or other issues

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I’m at a loss for words. The story, the writing, it’s perfect. It’s very sad nothing like I read before. And also I do want to see how the MC will take their friend’s revenge. Even though I was never really bullied I was a nerd so let the bad people have it. (Didn’t want to use swears but I hate bullies.)

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every time I play this, I feel like crying (and cry).It’s really beautiful amd I really like it a lot! can’t wait for more because I really wanted to know what’ll happen later on!

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Before this update, I would of been satisfied with killing the perpetrators. But now, after reading that, death would be a mercy they wouldn’t deserve. Now my MC wants revenge.

The Revenge They would sneer at Bethany, her pathetic nature would be child's play. Few things are really needed, itching power, a bit of blood and some microphones were enough to break her. Constantly feeling an itch by her arms, hearing whispers in the night, seeing blood stain her sheets. Such a shame for her parent to send her to that asylum, such a pity indeed. And just like that, the pawn was taken.

They would torment Carter by taking what he most treasures - his strength. Terrifyingly easy for the dumb muscle to be so easy to break. Faulty equipment at the gym is truly a worry, the treadmill jamming all the sudden was quite the scare! Of course, the true kicker - It’s quite a wonder how an unfortunate slip down the stairs can cause a snapped tibia and a TBI. Such a shame there sign for wet floor was ignored, wouldn’t you say? And just like that, the tower had fallen.

They would ruin Marshall’s pride, his credibility. So attached to his money, he never learned how to live without it. It was quite easy to influence him, just a quick slip of the wrist, a debit card in hand, an internet connection and the whole thing practically wrapped itself. The snob followed the breadcrumbs and fell into the pot. His parents were quite furious with his new found addiction - online gambling, who knew? And just like that, the Duke was crippled.

The pawn, the tower, the rook - they were simply a pieces on the chessboard for my MC, building out their strategy, testing out their skills. They took all their festering guilt and poor it out to the Witch. But they didn’t even need to do anymore really, her greatest strength was her entourage and without it… well she was another Bethany. How pitiful, but not enough. After all, there was only one thing left to burn…

You know the quote about the best revenge is living a good life? My MC will live by that, after all – what’s a good life without a bit of fun along the way. And its quite fun to dance on the ashes of your foes.

There were quite a few grammar mistakes, but after reviewing my notes and such, most of them have been highlighted once or twice by the others so no need to open that again. Apart from that I also noticed that with the Bethany scene while searching different rooms in the house, there seemed to be a glitch or inconsistency? I searched every room in the house but then there was no option to leave, but then after going back to B’s room the option reappeared. The following text said that I only searched her room so I don’t know if you’re missing paths or if its a glitch (haven’t had the chance to peak at the code). It happened on five out of my five testruns.

I’m terribly exited for more! Overall it greatly improved from the last version (though the last version itself was still very well done). This one added a cohesiveness that wasn’t present before, and spread out the background a bit more. The emotion and the guilt shown through really well in this update as well! I especially love the little scene with the makeshift memorial. Can’t wait to read more, its one of my very few favourites so keep it up!

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Really intense story, it makes my heart hurt, but i really liked it :slight_smile: Keep up the good work!

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That’s a good idea! The result would be unsuccessful, like the one where the MC tries to call the police and they drop their phone, but I can add it to the game ヾ(@⌒▽⌒@)ノ

I realized today that I made a coding mistake that blocked a couple of choices for people who were in love with Drew, sorry! Among them, you can very much scream.

I’m glad to see a new face on the “We :heart: Drew” club. We have cookies and @Fay’s memes (◒‿◒)~☆

No, don’t! Drew would outright refuse the offer! You two would end up fighting over who protects the other one >:3c

You sure you want to talk with Ghost!Drew? ↜(╰ ◣∀◢)╯ψ

There are still A LOT of moments left with Drew, both as memories or with their ghostly self 。(✿‿✿)。

Then why not make the most of it and make them happiest? Ψ(☆w☆)Ψ

Oh, I assure you I can do worse q(❂‿❂)p

I’ve corrected them and uploaded a new version of the demo, thank you for spotting them and for the feedback, it’s very useful! \(^▽^)/ I’m trying to keep everything a bit vague to leave room for players to headcanon their character’s past relationships, but I’ll see if I can give a bit more context regarding the bullies.

The MC is being bitter because Bethany thinks that only Drew is the only one who could be furious at her, even though she also hurt the MC.

These are the MC’s justifications:

In Chapter 2: Right, you fell asleep gathering information on your old classmates. You are still not sure of all the people directly responsible for Drew’s death, but you know that Bethany is closely tangled with them: she ought to know.

In Chapter 3: Perhaps Bethany didn’t start out like the other bullies, but she wormed her way to their good graces: she isn’t innocent. Mary-Ann is the one swinging the baton, but she never does anything by herself, she needs her lackeys and the back-stabber is more than willing to be her rug. But Bethany, spineless Bethany couldn’t have done it alone, either. You want, need, to find out who else had a hand in this.

What do you think? Also, the MC will elaborate more on their reasons to take revenge on Bethany as Chapter 3 progresses, so maybe you’ll understand it better later on.

Ethan Davis will come back! And it’s up to the MC to make him a better, decent reporter or take advantage of his lack of morals to get scoops.

Thank you for the help! ヽ(゜∇゜)ノ

Aww, you’ll make me blush (≧∀≦)

Yeah, I know what you mean: it’s a harsh scene, but it’s made that way for plot reasons. It’s still very sad, though ( /)w(\✿)

Thank you!! The main purpose of the new update (besides adding more content to the demo) was to make everything smoother and the plot more logical, I’m so incredibly happy to see I managed to pull it off 。(✿‿✿)。

I’ll make it up to you guys, don’t worry!

Thank you for your kinds words! Any Drew time is good time (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ There are two (2) things I really want to do someday, but I have to keep them a secret until the game is done. I know one of them you’ll LOVE (with capital letters, I’m willing to bet on it) and the other one is for masochists ↜(╰ ◣∀◢)╯ψ

Yep, that’s the idea. I’m over 65k works and halfway Chapter 3 (out of… 10?), so things are looking quite good. I might take a long time because of real life and college, but the progress is there!

Aww, you’re too kind with me (ノ∀`♥) You got it right, the reason the MC can’t bargue in is for plot reasons: I had to make it that way because MC’s inability to face the bullies and the extreme terror they feel even after one year of not seeing is very important for later points in the story.

With so much praise, you will make me blush (ノ∀`) I hope that once the game is finished, everyone will be able to relate to it to some degree, even if you didn’t go through bullying, because it deals with a lot of themes, like interpersonal relationships, scars from the past, power imbalances and more.

Thank you for playing and for the kind words! Can’t believe I’ve made so many people cry, I feel like a villain 。゚・(>﹏<)・゚。

That’s the spirit! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

Thank you for the encouragement and for sharing your thoughts, your ideas are quite witty! And you aren’t too far off with one of them. I’ll have to check the code and see what’s wrong, in theory it should happen: do you check ALL the options in Bethany’s room?

Thanks, and welcome to the thread! ☆(◒‿◒)☆


The demo has been update with all the typos and grammar mistakes spotted corrected, if you find any more feel free to report them! You can either take a screenshot of it or copy/paste the bit of text that has the mistake and report it here, thank you in advance.


I have several questions for you guys:

  • Which bully do you dislike the most? Why?
  • What do you think of Bethany? General impressions/thoughts of her?
  • If you made a thorough search of the Coleman’s room, did you find that board?
  • What do you think the MC will do with Peri? (Don’t worry, the cat won’t suffer any kind of harm!)
  • In Chapter 3, for those who took the Mall branch, did you find Livvy?
  • And what about the fortune teller? Do you think he’s the real deal, or another scammer?

I hope you have a lot of fun! Take care of yourselves and stay safe! ヾ(@⌒▽⌒@)ノ

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This made my heart ache, I really cried man.

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Ok answers!

  • Bethany. She use to be our friend.
  • Hate her. I would like to see a little more added about our friendship in the past. Just to add to the betrayal. Although I guess it is possible to get her diary so maybe more will be in that. Thinking back I was actually annoyed she seems to live through this. At least up to this part in the story.
  • Yes. I was a little disappointed when I realized what I had. Would have liked a little more there outside of one response.
  • I was thinking putting a collar with Drew’s name on peri and dropping them off again.
    -the fortune teller came across to me as the real deal.
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Ooh I see, well, I think I figured it out while writing a massive text, so we can just blackmail her to find out who helped them and use her lesser mind to get info on everyone? Guess thats sensible, sorry I didnt pick up on it earlier, I was thinking what we would do in practice, like have her slap everyone or divide them or something, and I guess Bethany will take double revenge so more interesting stuff when dealing with her. Could we ask for legal advice from our aunt when planning evil stuff to do with them? Since we now have experience in breaking into someone’s house, we can take some steps towards bolder plans, like getting someone arrested or something.

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I would be perfectly fine living with ghost Drew by my side for the rest of my life tbh.

Well, I answered the questions, but I am really bad at writing in English (not my first language and etc), so I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes and everything. Don’t even know how to use commas properly. :x

answers
  • Carter. He’s the one who hurt Drew physically and seemed to have more fun than the others (besides Mary-Ann), so…
  • I can understand why Bethany would want to be at Mary-Ann’s side, but she betrayed us and act like she didn’t do anything wrong, so I dislike her a lot. And she is a bully even if “doesn’t like it”, which is another reason to hate her.
  • Yeah, but didn’t pay much attention.
  • No idea. Cuddle with it?
  • Nope. Guess I’ll have to play one more time.
  • The fortune teller seemed like a real deal to me. I mean, how did he know about the ring Drew gave to me?
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I was reeeaaally excited when I saw the update! I sadly didn’t have time to play all of it but it was quite nice to see some added content. Cannot wait to come home and check out the rest :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Thingies

20200717_195346



Drew is female

It was unclear for me who that ‘she’ was referring to, had to scroll up to check that it was Mary-ann.

There are also a lot of she’s and her’s here (and in other scenes), maybe use a name every now and then? It was sometimes confusing for me when there were multiple girls in one scene and they all got referred to with ‘she’.

Her surname isn’t mentioned in the new article.

Same thing.

Something I didn’t screenshot, is that in that scene when Drew was alone with Mary-ann (and what’s his face) there was a quite a lot of ‘looking back to’ and sneering, glaring and such going on. It felt a bit repetitive because it happened almost in succession.

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Mary-Ann. She’s the leader and the one pulling the strings. Everyone else is just her puppet. I hate manipulative people like her. It’ll be so satisfying to get our revenge

I think she’s a traitor, but she betrayed us to save her own skin. It seems like she had to choose to either stay with us and be bullied, or pick the bullies’ side and avoid getting the same treatment. But still… I really don’t like her. She’s a backstabber and from the fortune teller scene she seems to be in denial too.

Ruining the lives of four teenagers? :white_check_mark:

Hurting a cat? :x:

As far as I’ve seen there’s no fantasy elements in the game. The ghost of Drew is simply MC’s coping mechanism/subconscience. So, going off that, I think they’re a scammer.

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Hope my MC will have time to brush up there skills and find ways to circumvent the law without getting caught of course
. All the better to get revenge.

  • Mary-Ann. Why? MC does not take kindly to threats against Drew’s life. Combined with the high chances that point to her being the main suspect puts her at the top of the threat index.
  • Bethany is a coward who lacks a spine from a quick glance. She has no sense of self, latches on obsessively to the idea of pleasing people and can not reflect on her actions to see their impact to its fullest extent.
  • Of course. I’m nothing, if not thorough.

  • Definitely use her to torment Bethany. Replace her collar with Drew’s name, send patches of blood coated fur (paint of course, not a monster - just a sociopath) to Bethany’s room, cuddle with her. The regular cat owner stuff.
  • Yes, of course.

  • He seems to have a certain…affinity to say the least. There is insufficient data to form a conclusive answer however.

Yes I did. Thoroughly searched every room and drawer in the house, twice as a reassurance.

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noticed a couple of things

Noticed a couple of things
An inconsistancy…


I didn’t call anyone out. I chose to keep quiet and not make a scene.

Code popping up?

answers

Which bully do you dislike the most? Why?
Hard to choose between Mary Ann and Bethany. Mary Ann for being the one that pulls the strings and Bethany for the betrayal.

What do you think of Bethany? General impressions/thoughts of her?
Feel no pity for her whatsoever. She may not be as extreme as some of the other bullies, but she desperately befriended them despite what they’re doing, stood aside during all the abuse, and actually admires and obsesses over Mary Ann.

If you made a thorough search of the Coleman’s room, did you find that board?
Yup! Chose not to waste time doing anything with it though.

What do you think the MC will do with Peri? (Don’t worry, the cat won’t suffer any kind of harm!)
Nothing? I choose to just ignore it.

In Chapter 3, for those who took the Mall branch, did you find Livvy?
Didn’t go the Mall Route.

And what about the fortune teller? Do you think he’s the real deal, or another scammer?
Didn’t meet him in my playthrough.

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  • Which bully do you dislike the most? Mary-Ann
    Why?
    Because she’s the perfect example of a spoiled rich brat who has everything handed to her and not facing the consequences of her actions.

  • What do you think of Bethany? General impressions/thoughts of her?
    I’m not a fan of her but I don’t want her dead. No she needs to stay alive, live with the guilt of her actions, and spend her life trying to make up for it.

  • If you made a thorough search of the Coleman’s room, did you find that board?
    Yes.

  • What do you think the MC will do with Peri? (Don’t worry, the cat won’t suffer any kind of harm!)
    Adopt her? Its kind of irresponsible to let your cat be an inside/outside cat…

  • In Chapter 3, for those who took the Mall branch, did you find Livvy?
    Yes.

  • And what about the fortune teller? Do you think he’s the real deal, or another scammer?
    Sure, it would add an interesting element to the game and be a neat way to explain ghost Drew, other than the fact MC has had very little sleep and is imaginine ghost Drew due to guilt of not being able to do anything for them.

As a whole I’m not for trying to kill the bullies because I think they should be held accountable for their actions and live with the fact their actions. They should live with that guilt and try to make up for it. I am however up for making their lives hell and scaring the shit out of them, without jail time if possible.

I’m also questioning some of the bullies home life because as an adult I know kids don’t just randomly bully people without some type of trigger in their own life. I’m not agreeing with their actions because holy shit, but I’ve watched/read to much psychology stuff in college to know better. I also know that teenagers can make stupid decisions. Adults make stupid decisions, which is really evident in this because the school did nothing. Wtf are the teachers doing at this school? Wearing blinders and twiddling their thumbs? Holy shit… :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

On a side note I really want to ask about the RO’s but I’ll hold off on that.

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Wow uh… so… found this thread yesterday… played today… and… well…
This is the most awful thing I’ve read in a long time… but in a good way!
I mean, it was so sad it broke my heart. I found myself literally crying over this thing… oh man… :sob:
I don’t even know where to begin, really… I’m so sad and UGH!
But it was so great…

Also, I’m kind of freaked out, because I’ve got the weirdest feeling of déjà-vu ever, with this game…

When talking with the fortune-teller, and when he told the MC Drew is glad they kept their ring, suddenly I felt like I KNEW this story already, and that specific part made an impact on me. But what the hell, I’ve been on the forums for like two weeks, and there’s no way I’d ever read it before today…
I do get déjà-vu sometimes, but rarely that potent… so weird…

I would like to ask you something, but well, it’s spoilerish, and I don’t really require an answer, since it would be a big spoiler. More like, I’d still like to adress the point.
I love the story, deeply, and I feel so much for my MC, it’s crazy. But at the same time, I’m very scared of revenge plots of any sorts. And also, I love redemption plots of all sorts. With how the story starts, I suspect various things, but at the same time you left the situation pretty unclear, and I was wondering - will it be possible to follow a path where the MC decides to let go of their thirst for revenge, and their desire to hurt the bullies. As much as they’d deserve the harm, it would only end up with more harm to the MC and the people close to them, and I so dearly want for them to get better… poor thing…
As I said, it’s a spoilerish question so no need to answer it (but if you want to, I wouldn’t mind the spoiler - I’d really love for that to be possible!).

Aside from that, I’ve noticed you asked the readers a couple of questions, so I’ll answer them!

Which bully do you dislike the most? Why?

Mary-Ann, with no surprise. She’s the leader of it all, and I doubt the clique would hold without her. It prooobably wouldn’t have escaladed so much if not for her, too. She riles the others up.

What do you think of Bethany? General impressions/thoughts of her?

Honestly, my main feeling is pity. It’s really sad, but in a pitiable and dirty kind of way to do what she does. I have been bullied and I have been one of the “unpopular kids”, but I never sucked up to the popular girls who made my life hell. And believe me when I say she “left the opportunity” for me to become “one of them” at the beginning. Yuck, no thanks. So yeah, I think Bethany’s a coward and a very sad person. But while I’m mildly mad at her, I don’t feel real hatred.

If you made a thorough search of the Coleman’s room (...)

Eeh, didn’t go that route :woman_shrugging:

What do you think the MC will do with Peri?

Same as the previous question. Though if it’s Bethany’s family kitty, well, my MC is caring and while he has his outbursts, he’s usually on the gentle side, so I don’t see him doing anything bad to an innocent animal, in any way. But well, since I didn’t go that route, I don’t have all the context…

In Chapter 3, for those who took the Mall branch (...)

Yes! Actually, I wanted to ask if you could only meet her, or if you had the chance to meet any of the other LIs if you made different choices there, but I guess you asking that means she’s the only one you can meet so far. She was so sweet!

And what about (...)

It’s tricky, really… I’m debating with myself about if I believe there is a supernatural side to this story or not. In most stories like that, I DO believe in the supernatural, ghosts and so on. But the MC is in SUCH bad mental state - at least in my playthrough - I totally see him hallucinating about Drew. If I go with the fact he’s only hallucinating and having regular grief-enduced nightmares and so on, then I don’t think the fortune teller is the real deal. But if there IS some supernatural force in play, then I think he’s the real deal. Honestly I’m still unsure about what to think. But I like that uncertainty.

With that done, I’d like to point out some typos or errors, and ask about things I’m unsure about.
I’ll start with the typos:

During the wake, when talking to the guards:

““Are you allowed in the wake of Andrew Jonathan Moore?” he requests, , more like demands.”
Two commas instead of one (in the actual game the commas are not separated like that, but for some reasons it’s auto-corrected here).

During the dream sequence:

“You aren’t’t sure of neither.”
The double 't.

Once at school:

“A cold bead of of sweat runs down your temple”
“of” appears twice.

A little bit later, during the same segment:

“Your pain doesn’t’t matter, because it’s the least you can bear for Drew”
Again, double 't.

When chapter III starts:

It says “Chapter II” instead.

When following Bethany:

““But I… I wasn’t the one who did it!” She cries, her voice so shrill a Bethany’s of customers turn around. It’s hard to see the fortune teller’s expression under his cloak, may it be a a sting eye or a knowing look, but it makes Bethany drop her act immediately. “Can I… Can I talk to him?” She requests, shoulders sagging in defeat.”
I’m not sure what’s going on here: “She cries, her voice so shrill a Bethany’s of customers turn around.” - is this a weird typo, or some phrasing I don’t get? I’m not a native English speaker, so yeah, I may simply be missing the point…

Now, various other mistakes:

First scene wity Mary-Ann:

“Mary-Ann has walked towards Drew, and is standing a couple of feet away from Drew.”
It flows a bit weirdly, with Drew’s name being repeated like that.

Also:

“What, not so brave without your cliqué?”
Clique shouldn’t have an accent over the “e”, if I’m not wrong? Unless it was changed in English, but that would be weird.

If you select for your MC to have had romantic feelings for Drew:

Then you proceed to actually confess, and follow the path that leads to kissing them, you get this:
“You lean in, tilting your head up, giving him a few seconds to react and push you away if they don’t want it, but he tilts his head a bit and meet his lips with yours, joining you”

I think “if they don’t want it” should be “if he doesn’t want it” in this case, since Drew is male in my playthrough.

After learning of the tragic events:

Once Drew is dead and the MC is told:
“No, it’s too much of a coincidence for Drew to spring up dead after what happened yesterday: he wouldn’t have killed himself; the only way Drew would have jumped from the school roof was if he had been pushed into his death.”

But by the time this is happening, the incident MC is referring to wasn’t “yesterday” but some days ago.

Not exactly a mistake per se, but...

After the wake, there’s a journalist whose name is Ethan Davis. But I recall Ethan being one of the default choices for the MC’s name. Maybe it would be better to remove that, or change the journalist’s name? Always better to reduce the risks of an NPC having the same name as the MC.

Almost there! I have two things I think are a bit confusing and unclear, and that’ll be it!

If you go with the romantic path:

After confessing to Drew, if you accept the ring, you can make the indirect choice about the MC’s stature or body type (in addition of telling how the MC will wear the ring), since Drew can say it should fit them or lament it doesn’t. But the choice is very vague since it doesn’t have a follow up. Does that imply the MC is chubby and it won’t fit on his finger, or that they are so skinny it’ll slip…? Or is the only purpose of this to know if the MC will wear it on their finger or neck?

I'm slighly confused about how the "emotional/stoic" stat works, and to a lesser extent, the "impulsive/deliberate" one...

A couple of times I’ve chosen an answer that to me felt emotional, but it added to the stoic stat. Agreeing on sharing a bed with Drew did that, for example. But well, I don’t see why you’d have to be too shy in order for the MC to be emotional here - they might very well follow their desires by agreeing, despite being a bit shy. I had a couple of occurences like that. And same goes for the impulsive stat; like I don’t always know why some of my decisions are considered “deliberate”. And since most answers make the stat balance move by quite a bit, it’s easy for it to tip to the other side even if you didn’t mean to.

Ah, also, would it be okay to ask you to add save slots for the demo? I always say that, but it makes trying various branche so much easier when testing things.

Oh dear, sorry for the extensive post…
But like… I had so many things to say! I loved the WIP so much…

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Answer
  • My Mc is undoubtedly someone who has an equal hatred for all those who maliciously touched Drew… And of course, how can we not equally hate someone who dared to touch this angel? Hurt, humiliate, make such deplorable attitudes, they all deserve to be judged, killed, beheaded, burned, tortured there is not enough death to make up for Drew, there is no suffering at the height, Drew was an incredible friend, in a short time a fantastic lover — and if a destiny came true, a partner in marriage even better. There is no way to forgive or qualify the hatred that my Mc feels, they have ended their perfect destiny, there is no way to return eternal love, nor to replace it, they all deserve to pay.
  • Particularly, I thought she was a coward, who after performing all the atrocious acts feels guilty, of course she does! (ironic), she did not object to Drew’s aggression, nor did she turn away from her “new friendships” when that happened, she just “resents” because of her superstition. If I had the chance, my MC would see nothing but trash, in which, along with the others, she must disappear, disappear forever. And even more the betrayal, she was close to Drew, did not even protect them.
  • I did research, yes! Huhum! How not to notice all the details, after invading the house? What kind of invader would my Mc be?! Hmm!
  • Go away with the cat, if we cannot have an attitude worthy of a sociopath, disappear, kidnap, take to a place where the cat is not used is the same thing as letting it die, right? Well, there would be no direct damage… Hum… Okay, it sounded better in my head. It was less cruel.
  • Yes! But all that matters and what is sacred is Drew!
  • I hope it’s true, but I know it can also be easy, the news must have circulated very quickly, attaching those who were close to Drew, she probably must have noticed in a photo that the ring Mc was wearing was identical to Drew’s. However, an event almost of a supernatural origin is repeated from the house of B, maybe we should consider … Or maybe just create false hopes; my Mc would probably create false hopes, after all, to live without Drew is to live without love!
    The more yanderes options the game of, the worse my character will be! Upi!
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I’m speechless, and tearing up, the update is just…
I will answer the questions later, why is this so good, and Drew, my goodness.

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The feels won’t stop… It’s has that serious ‘i dont care’ vibe when talking to the police.
It just added a more personal twist , more devastating feels and we have the chance to do want we can about it!
Thank you very much! @Lycoris!
Seriously the amount of work you did made me cry manlytears… (I had a hard time stopping.)

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How do i use the new game+?

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