Nakama: You'll never be alone-Wip-

Hosted Games Works In Progress
81

Okay, so I have some advice/criticism that I really hope you don’t hate me for.

It’s just, It’s a bit of a general rule to not use the same word twice in one sentence. It kind of goes as well for using it multiple times, especially in a sort amount of time. Now, maybe it’s just me since I get aggravated easily, but you have Jasmine say “stupid” WAY too much. I can see the type of character you’re trying to pull off with her, but to me she just seems so incredibly shallow, a very flat character. I don’t even want to try to get to know her.

Now, if you don’t completely hate me… Again, I’d say pull back a bit, cut out down the times she says ‘stupid.’ There are many ways a person can act all ‘higher-than-thou’ without making the person seem redundant and without an original thought. Snarky responses, or even exchanging the word ‘stupid’ for something else, like ‘idiot’ ‘simple’ or ‘pea-brained’ even, would make a difference. I would personally avoid ‘retard’ because I know it has a tendency to set people off.

The only reason I even bring this up was due to the fact that not too long ago I was reading a story, and they constantly used the word flail. Like, literally at least twice every paragraph and it’s gotten to the point that I can’t stand it when someone uses the word. I know that’s my own problem to deal with, but I have put the word on my list of ‘words-I-hate’ right next to certain words that are euphemisms for female genitalia. It’s just that bad.

Also, just wanted to mention that some of your paragraphs don’t have the right spacing. The story starts out with it right, but about near the middle you’re missing spaces, then it goes back (about by the time you get to the grandpa part). Didn’t know if you missed it or hadn’t gotten to it yet, but figured I’d mention.

Also, I kinda broke your game. When you get to the part where you can start training your intelligence and agility and whatnot, if you go ‘back,’ you have the option to go back in and continue training it. I ended up training them up to 100% only to find that there wasn’t much left to the game and it was over.

Don’t be discouraged by rant though, about Jasmine. I really do like your game, I think it’s considerably fresh, unusual but in a good way.

82

@Sandstorm

Thnx, man. It’s good to know.

83

Hey, I’m so sorry to tell you this, but I have been rendered unable to work on Nakama. Last Wednesday, some guys entered our house and took my laptop and the CPU of our desktop computer. We’re not rich, so it’ll take some time before I could buy a new one.

I literally cried when I learned about it the next day, not because of the laptop, but because of the codes, the Photoshop files I had. Especially Nakama’s and the Avatar codes. I already finished Chapter Three and I’m just testing it first for the errors.

I’m really sorry if I couldn’t finish this game. I’ve already started saving money so that by December, I’ll have a new one.

I’ll be temporarily leaving the forum, although I think I’ll stop by to see if there are changes with Choicescript.

More power to COG and thank you for putting up with me!!

EDIT: I just learned that I could actually download Nakama’s file on my Dropbox. So, you’ll probably see this thread again next year!!

84

@Sandstorm I’m so sorry to hear this, what you were working on was amazing! It’s a shame these things happen. Best of luck with the saving up, hope life gets better! (%)

85

@Sandstorm,
Good luck! I’ll also assume there’s no chance of the police getting your stuff back? (or insurance? Don’t know if that’s mandatory there. It is here)

86

Hey, to let everyone know, I’ve updated the errors on the game. No, I don’t have a new latop, I’m just renting a computer (Which is a very popular business here in the philippines), and it doesn’t really mean that the game is off-hiatus. I just felt bad leaving it with errors.

87

@Sandstorm I’m so sorry to hear about the break-in and that you lost your laptop. I did notice you hadn’t been posting but stupid me didn’t read this thread. Don’t feel bad about the game being on hiatus. I’m sure when you finally do come back you’ll make an even better game.

88

@Sandstorm Don’t worry Sandy! We’ll be here waiting for your return.

89

Sorry to hear all that happened with this! Glad that you’re managing to work on it a bit when you can, really that’s all that can be expected.

Whenever you do start working on it more, though, here are a few things I’d appreciate you looking at:

I wish there were less one and two line screens. I felt like there was a lot more clicking than there needed to be, and while I get that most of that was for effect and to make the lines more dramatic, it actually made some of them feel a bit annoying instead.

As did the rather heavy emphasis on the “poor poor girl” in the beginning. I get it was an attempt at making her sympathetic to the player, but it came off as “Oh what a poor girl with such a heavy burden oh god won’t you cry for this unfortunate soul!?” and it felt a tad annoying too. Especially the line about how god would cry for her sake.

And yeah, Jasmine does really overuse the word stupid. I’d try switching it up with other words, or maybe having her use sarcasm or condescending tones to convey the way she completely looks down on you as well. Like having her shrug her shoulders and sigh with exasperation at things you say.

Having more gestures in general would help emphasize the dialogue and help it flow better.

I have to say, though, that I really like the avatar system and choosing your expression.

The whole scenario in general is a good idea.

Looking forward to when you have more time and can add more onto this. :slight_smile:

90

Hey, uhm… I’m completely clueless about how I should do a fight scene (Which is the last act of chapter 3). Since the ability you get isn’t for offense, can I ask for some opinions from the forum?
And once I’ve finished chapter 3, all of your advice should’ve been added (Like Jasmine’s overuse of stupid etc).

Thanks!!

91

@Sandstorm Use alliances (Who helps you), resources, and the players capability.

92

I feel like you still need a close curates ability option like super reflexes or a spider sense like thing