is a link to my football game this is only the demo part 1. Please tell me if you find any errors and tell me what you think about it so far. Thankyou
There are some pages with format problems, like there are no capital letters for the start of each sentence. Not sure if it’s just typos. Also paragraphing isn’t showing up, if you’d put them in.
Also effects of choices are shown at the first few pages. (+10 shot power etc.)
You can be more descriptive at the first pages when choosing initial stats.
I think you can split initial character formation stage into one chapter, then the schooling in another chapter if you can expand upon it (as in the schooling stage, there were matches that tested the value of your skill stats)
Anyway, just some suggestions, keep up the good work!
the typos i’m going to fix later and the paragraphing just wanted to give evreybody a preview and i’m going to constantly update it. The effects of the choices are shown during the start in order to show the player how there character will turn out. The whole progress thing is to constantly improve your player over the years as players in the world they do improve and here at a young age obviously in real life people do improve a lot at this age. This is to improve the realism of the game but anyway thankyou for checking out my game
Hm, well telling us which choice increases which stat is a bit too blatant for my tastes, and the prologue seems rather drawn out. The game also seems somewhat restricted to those familiar with football, there’s no explanations for people like me, or even for people who like football but are unfamiliar with the inner workings of it. The relationships also seem rather forced and add pretty much nothing to the game.
ventrum i promise before my second release i will definitely incorporate people’s ideas its definitely great that i’m getting constructive critism but please tell me how you found the experience so far.
could you guys also tell me your scores what you got for the 1st and second game because i want to improve my game engine as i need to know where its at is it to hard or to easy.
First game, I won 3-0, same thing for the second. I think it’s way too easy as there are too many opportunities to increase skills and figuring out which choice corresponds to which skill is quite easy.
My overall experience? It was kind of tedious, granted I’m at a disadvantage as I’m not one for sports, but the to-the-point writing style doesn’t help either. The games have no weight or tension due to how easy they are, the setting is far too vague, and the characters are practically nonexistent. I apologize for being this harsh.
Being a huge football fan, I love the idea of a football choice game. However, I have to ask, what country are you from? My guess is that you are either American, and drawing on American sports for inspiration, or you are trying to appeal to a general audience. In short, it doesn’t feel realistic.
First, the names of the schools feel wrong. I chose England in the game. Football schools in England have more prestigious names than Titans or Hashbrown. An example was the old football school of excellence, Lilleshall.
Second, the names of your dorm-mates are so unnatural. This is supposed to be a school in England for the best football talent in England. Hence, the names should be English, which none of them were.
Finally, cheerleaders? In football? In Korea, maybe, but not in England.
I’ll play it again from a Mexican perspective - perhaps it would seem more fitting that way. However, to appeal to the larger English speaking community who also like football (ie, Brits like me) I’d suggest changing names for each country at least.
As for the foreign names for coaches, that’s not as bad as there are a lot of foreigners working in Britain. Also, while this review is very negative, I’m taking the time to write it as I did enjoy playing the game. I’m looking forward to seeing where you take it from here.
My problem with this is the exclusion of being a female player. Just because women’s leagues aren’t popular in reality (because misogyny) doesn’t mean you have to reflect that. One of the great things about fiction is being able to create fantasy and since games by their nature are fantasy, I don’t see the exclusion should happen.
My other problem is with the heteronormativity, which I assume is the case because you have a girlfriend stat. Alright, maybe you’re trying to go for “realism” but you don’t really have an excuse either. Think about it: If the player has a same-sex romance, it could open an interesting subplot where say, there is a campaign to smear the player and the player has to fight to stay on the team or something like that. I’m not a sports person. I don’t know the politics.
@ScarletGeisha raises some interesting points. Football is a very homophobic sport and I can only think of one gay player, Justin Fashanu, who committed suicide in his 30’s. I’m sure there are other gay players, but they just don’t admit it for fear of what would happen to them.
Personally, I would have avoided the whole relationship aspect completely with this game. However, (not but), if you are going to include a romance, please give more options than a cheerleader, a model, and a female footballer!
@OMFGDIE the game is about football.
The writing needs some definite polish, but I do like the idea. When choosing contracts though, I chose the mix contract which took me to an empty screen from which I couldn’t progress.
I wanted to play your game but when I went to your link nothing showed up.