I’ve begun working on my new game, Mania(working title). It is a game set in a medieval fantasy world with magic where you play as somebody trying to either get revenge on the emperor and his country who ruined yours, and everybody else’s lives or as someone who is only trying to restore the beautiful kingdom from before.

The beginning as of right now is sort of a test, so criticism would be greatly appreciated!

Currently it’s got 4k words with the first chapter still not completed. I’ll probably update every few days until I hit 10k, then I’ll switch over to every week or every two weeks on tuesdays.


Full synopsis: In the ancient kingdom of Lóngguó, a land steeped in tradition and guarded by mighty dragons, peace reigned for centuries. But when Emperor Alejandro, known as “Astuto,” rose to power in the neighboring kingdom of Teocalli, ambition and greed clouded his judgment. With cunning and deceit, Astuto plotted to conquer Lóngguó and claim its riches for himself.

As the armies of Teocalli descended upon Lóngguó, the once-mighty kingdom stood on the brink of collapse. Despite valiant efforts to defend their homeland, the forces of Lóngguó were no match for Astuto’s ruthless tactics and overwhelming numbers. With each passing day, the kingdom’s defenses weakened, and its people grew desperate.

In a final, desperate bid for survival, the rulers of Lóngguó sought to forge alliances with neighboring kingdoms, but it was too late. Astuto’s grip on power was unyielding, his thirst for conquest insatiable. And so, with a heavy heart, Lóngguó fell at the hands of Emperor Alejandro, plunging the once-proud kingdom into darkness and despair.

But as the dust settled and the cries of battle faded, whispers of rebellion began to stir among the people of Lóngguó. For even in the face of defeat, the spirit of the dragon-riders lived on, ready to rise once more and reclaim their homeland from the clutches of tyranny.


Couldn’t finish the game unfortunately: got an error during the fists/arcane choice when I selected the both are great option that said there were an error with the “Intellect” variable.

My thoughts on what I was able to play.
  • The setting is an interesting concept that I would love to see more of. Obviously a country named “Dragon Country” (and what a timely demo date!) is has a dragon-themed rebellion and I hope we get to see interesting dragon stuff going forward. Teocalli (tay-oh-ca-yee?) as an antagonistic nation seems interesting too, especially because we are immediately introduced to a Teocalliano as our domineering rebellion leader. I just wish we actually saw more of Longguo and got to see exactly how it’s falling apart instead of just being told that it is, but TBH as much as I like rebellion stories, I have a hard time buying the justifications for it existing.
  • Kind of loling at our immediate first plot beat being an act of terrorism, but I have to ask: are we supposed to…root for Juan here? Again, I haven’t been sold on the justifications.
  • There’s a lot of characters thrown at us at once without much in the way of introduction, and I found myself very confused as to what was going on and if I was supposed to remember all these people.
  • Lots of grammatical errors and confusing elements. People would change names between pages (Ruolan became Ryuloan, Tianyi became Tianyin so I was really surprised when apparently he’s male), the text would shift between past and present tense, and one of our dialogue options when we meet Mengzhu is “fuck up!” which was really jarring and unnatural to me.
  • Edit: As a Chinese speaker, a lot of the Chinese translations are pretty off. As a reader, I really don’t think the translations are necessary and they hinder the experience of reading.

Overall I think there’s a lot of interesting elements at play here but I found it surprisingly difficult to read. If we get more time to digest the setting and lay the groundwork through showing, not telling, I think it will really hook me.

Yeah, this is more of a test really. Like, I’m going to refurbish the entire first chapter once I get the hang of all the coding. As for grammatical errors, I actually did notice them when I posted but if I’m going to be completely honest with you, it took me like three days to figure out how to post and I was too frustrated to go back and fix them as well as the names. Lazy I know, but that’s why. I’m going to fix everything in the next update.

Regarding the justifications, that’s actually an important theme topic of this novel. Although a better word would probably be: Morality.

When I first started this I literally got frustrated so many times I just put my laptop down and focused on my other novels because damn, I wish I paid attention to my coding classes in HS😂

Anyway, I appreciate the criticism and I hope you can stick through everything with me🙏


That’s actually my bad, I used the wrong txt file for that scene, which had the wrong translations. Check now, they should be correct- as much as they can be - if they’re wrong let me know, because I have been thinking of getting rid of the translations as I do kinda agree that it takes away from the…I can’t think of the word but you get what I mean. The problem is that I actually chose those specific names for symbolic reasons. The name you choose slightly alters the story.

Also, I fixed the grammatical mistakes(I think, all this code confusing me). And I also fixed the error you encountered.

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Dude add a save slot option so that we don’t have to play from start each time whenever you update ,I mean we just started playing from our last point where we have already plays by loading our pre loaded save game in save slot hence do add an option to save our play whenever we want during gameplay like we do in all other game(wip).
Nice game & keep up the good work.

I will definitely have a save slot option by the next update!


Not all dashingdon CS have save slots.

Though I really enjoyed the game!

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