Invoker (WIP) - Updated on 01/31/21

Random spelling and other errors I caught


middle

served

1.He (still) has the manners of a noble.
I added the still because he isn’t really a noble now- so the still would be to signify that he has kept those manners.
2. Though his voice isn’t that loud, the way he harshly stood up and knocked off his chair and (how) he slammed his hands on the table is eye-catching enough.
(Also- you used “the way” twice in the original- so i changed it into how. )

Lucian

And my opinion of the ROs- just my thoughts on the matter, but in the end, it’s the author’s choice.

I’m not opposed to gender-locked romances, but whenever I like an RO, but their sexuality is of the another gender (or they’re of another gender), I get slightly put off. I may like this character, but it’s female (just an example), and/or likes (Ex.males) only, I would be discouraged and have to look for another character- or in some VERY rare cases, go look for another game.

I’ve never done coding, but I think that without gender lock, it’d be easier- you won’t have to put in variables and whatnot to make sure only the right gender/orientation gets those scenes. (it prbs not this easy, but I think???lol) you can just change the pronouns (and body parts, if necessary)

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All native speakers continue to develop their understanding of their respective languages throughout their lives, no matter how adept they may be!

This is especially true of English, which I personally have found to be simpler than most other languages to learn but rather more difficult than most other languages to master.

You should never apologize or feel embarrassed about not being familiar with all the grammatical, syntactical, and other linguistic rules that exist, particularly with respect to a nonnative language. :stuck_out_tongue:

Practice makes perfect! Your work is assuredly written very well in general, besides some minor mistakes like those others have mentioned and the occasional typo that everyone makes.


I am not able to open the demo for screenshots right now, for which I apologize, but there were a couple of things that cropped up more than once which I noticed and wish to address, while the word count is still at a manageable level. :laughing:

Tense and Tense Agreement

  • I noticed a small number of irregularities in the use of verb tenses, both passive and active.
    • If you are interested, you should peruse this refresher.
      • The entire website is phenomenal – I wholeheartedly recommend the Purdue OWL for writing resources!
  • That was less noticeable than the occasional – but still rare – tense disagreement.

Subject-Verb (Number) Agreement

  • I noticed a couple of instances in which the subject did not match the verb in number. You can take a look here for a helpful refresher!
    • One was “Elfrid and Lucian looks at you”, I believe.
      This is easy to miss because and is a unique conjunction, in that using it for two or more singular (pro)nouns changes the subject to plural. This is in contrast to, for example, the or and nor conjunctions for singular (pro)nouns.
      • Elfrid and Lucian look at you…” is correct.
      • Neither Elfrid nor Lucian looks at you…” is correct.
  • Compound subjects can make things unnecessarily confusing, but the correct way to agree in number becomes natural with time and practice.

I think that, in both of these cases, it is probably a matter of editing. One should always reread what they write, aloud when possible, in order to get a better understanding of the syntax and whether or not the grammar is sound.

Even when rereading, one often misses errors in one’s own writing. I know I come across this problem a lot, sometimes even missing blatant typos! :face_with_hand_over_mouth:


I hope that helps in some small way, and am glad I could help to at least some extent! :smiley:

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Sounds good will there be more romances or just two

Continuing the discussion from Invoker (WIP) - Updated on 01/31/21:

I’ll try to experiment with it a lot more, to see if I get the hang of it!

Thank you for letting me know, I appreciate the assistance that you’re giving! It has been on my mind ever since before publishing the demo. I still need time before deciding how this will go. Hopefully, I’ll be decided before I update again.

Another thank you for letting me know about this. It’s my first in the forum, so I didn’t know much about it. Thank you again. :relaxed:

I’d try this on my end. I’ll do my best to learn much more about coding and writing different variations. Thank you for all the advice you’re giving me!

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Thank you for this!

Also, thank you for letting me know your opinion. It will help me in deciding how I should continue the story.

You’re a huge help @ScrollScribe! I need to do a lot of studying now so I can at least make the story a lot less faulty at its grammar.

As of now, everything is tentative, @Harley_Robin_Evans. But there’s no doubt that there will be more romances as the story progresses.

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I absolutely loved demo and i can’t wait for another update! There weren’t any grammatical mistakes that I caught (which others haven’t already pointed out).
When it comes to ‘romance’ issue I think you should do whatever you want but you need keep in mind that certain audience will probably skip this story.

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Yes, I am well aware of that fact. But then again, since this is still a demo, a lot of things might still change. :blush:

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This is an interesting game I just can’t wait for more chapters

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thinking of a idea/suggestion for him for his game…oh yea got one ok here it gouse what exactly type of powers are you gonna give the invoker for when she/he actually decides to use her /his invoker?,

How the MC’s aether (or power) manifests will be up to the player’s choice. There will be different specializations to choose from later in the game. :blush:

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Glad to help out! BTW as others have said, it’s your game. You write it how you want to.

I myself wrote a lengthy gender-locked CS romance once :anguished: Sometimes, thinking outside the box is good. But at the end of the day, remember it’s about fun for the player, not coding 500 custom bits for a tiny scene :wink:

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well i supouse i start you of with the basic power most of all superheroes have flight.

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I’ll be sure to take that into consideration. Thank you for the idea!

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no problem glad you actually listened to my idea/suggestion most people on here just ignore me whenever i try to help them out with there games your the first people who actually said thanks.

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Not sure if anyone pointed it out, but I think you meant “How inconsiderate of me”, not “How illiterate of me”.

And “linger on”, not “linger at”.

If you just met her before all that killing happened, maybe you’ll be able to at least save your family.

You would have been able to

On our way to go inside here

just “on our way here”

doesn’t particularly accepts jobs

accept

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Thank you for pointing these out! :blush:

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@phyllistate noticed a error when selecting dominate hand when choosing the left hand option forcing you to restart the demo.

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Finally got around to this story and and I’m in love loved the characters so far enjoyed the story line and choices corresponding nicely with our personality traits. But I did find chapter one’s pacing a bit quick on the get go, but chapter 2 seems to have come to a nice rhythm in pace which mellowed out the fast pace from the beginning. Otherwise I did enjoy the story so far.

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Hello! I love the story and the characters, and am really looking forward to seeing how the story progresses! <3 I also really love Perry and want to protect and cherish him :pleading_face:

Just a quick comment - it might be nice to edit the intro post here to state that all ROs can only be romanced by MCs of the opposite sex; I only found that out through your Tumblr and had to restart the game so I could go for Luci and Al :’)

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