That’s why I’m really not fond of immortal child-type characters. It’s skeevy for adult characters to get involved with them, and equally skeevy (more so, really) for the immortal child to get involved with characters who match their visible age.
3 Likes
I am a big fan of the “half your age plus 7” rule of thumb. There will always be exceptions, but the bare minimum for me is that everyone practicing informed consent. So for that to be true, you have to take power dynamics and maturity into account and not just age.
I think the older the youngest person in the relationship is, the less the age gap matters.
Personally, I’m super turned off by barely legal MCs being in a relationship with anyone over like, 25. And that’s pushing it for me. And that’s because it’s hard for me to divorce real world context from the story.
3 Likes
As I’m thinking about it in fantasy some people will accept 18yr old being with beings 20,0000 years old it really depends on whether or not it’s fantasy or realistic
1 Like
Hey, I’m sure you’ve lived it, when you’re in highschool, most girls will be attracted to guys older than them.
I’m saying in general, I from personal experience, and from just in general, look at most marriages and see men marry women younger than them.
I’m not talking about the exceptions I’m talking about most.
But for exemple I have dated a woman older than me, as long as you act mature I think women will be attracted to that.
There is probably a culture thing aswell, but I think maturity will always be attractive to women, and probably men aswell, though most men choose younger women, don’t ask me why, I’m just saying in general.
someone who is 25 being with a 20 year old is not immoral to me, I’m starting to worry when It’s like 15 years old/ 20 years old, because there is a HUGE development that happens around those ages, and a 15 year old is not mature, once you pass 20 years old, age is kinda just a number to me.
It’s a matter of what people prefer from here on out.
I am french by the way, and I live in France, so I’m not talking from a US point of view.
And I agree with the last paragraph, as long as the two people are mature it’s ok.
Afterwards It’s just a matter of logistics, what are your objectives in your relationship, do you wanna have children ? If yes then maybe a 25 year old man being with a 50 year old woman is not the ideal.
It all depends on your objectives in life.
This article is really interesting, if you like sociology :
I’ve been led to believe that it’s because girls mature faster (puberty and all that biological stuff), so the older guys are technically on the same maturity level (mentally). But that’s what I was taught at school, could be outdated knowledge for all I know.
4 Likes
Girls go to puberty earlier than boys, but when I remember girls back in highschool, I don’t believe they were mature, It’s not because you had puberty that you are necessarily more mature.
I think the only thing it would prove is that girls at 13 year old have more chance to feel sexual attraction than 13 years old boys.
1 Like
It is so funny, when I look back at mysel at 19-20 I thought I was so mature, but as I remember it now. I was still so teeny unsure about everything. Still caring too much, what others might think about me, or how other people see my actions. Getting older brought me a lot of peace. I do not care about being ashamed because I did something dumb or stupid, I know after a while it will become a great story. I do not care so much, about the opinion of others, because I realize, that I can and do like people with their errors and sometimes just because of them. But now that I am above forty I just can not imagine to be with a guy twenty years younger than me. It is some kind of opuppy protection I think. Nothing about them is sexy, only sweet and adorable^^ Like the little puppies they are for me
4 Likes
I dunno, I’m not 40 years old yet but I still care what people think of me… To some extent, I just very much enjoy the respect and affection people may have for me.
If someone don’t like me, I try to understand why but I’ve got a pretty big self-esteem so I eventually just snob them.
2 Likes
Families used to be larger, and most girls were given the responsibility of helping to raise their younger brothers and sisters, or their younger cousins if there were no younger brothers and sisters. That developed a maturity that most tween and teen girls today no longer have the opportunity to obtain. Girls today seem much more like their male peers in terms of maturity and emotional development. On the plus side they also have the same freedoms. Those additional responsibilities that were often pushed onto the girls of the past could often turn into chains.
10 Likes
Obviously age-gaps, when they get too wide, or when the younger person is a minor, get extremely problematic. But I think that often age-gaps aren’t inherently the problem.
Here’s a (very cisnormative, heteronormative) example:
When a twenty year old woman marries a fifty year old man, this seems odd. My first assumption would be that she’s just looking for financial security or something, and this is super scary because it puts her in an extremely vulnerable position in that relationship, and gives him all of the power. Obviously from this point things can go badly very easily.
But if you imagine the same age gap in a relationship with a woman and a man who earn roughly the same amount of money annually, have the same level of education, and hold about the same amount of societal power and access to outside resources, everything is basically ok once you get past the initial “ew weird” factor.
With age brings power, influence, knowledge, and access to resources. The difference in age itself isn’t the problem, but the imbalance in these other things are. Some of it is inherent and you can’t do anything about it —no matter how mature or powerful or precocious a 16 year old is, they lack development and life experience, so don’t shove them in a relationship with a 30 year old and expect people to think of it as healthy. But with careful writing, if you’re very deliberate about balancing power dynamics, I think that you can probably get away with wider age gaps than some people might initially accept, if your story calls for it.
9 Likes
My biological father was 48 and my mother 20 when she had me. I know someone who is 37 ish dating a 56 ish year old woman.
Had a friend who dated a woman 5 to 6 years older and he was like 14 and they only broke up cuz she had to move for uni
Me i always like older women
So i dont see any problem, if both want …
There are issues yes
Parents from both sides are going to look at you funny, even your friends might look at you funny.
And others i dont really know how to elaborate well
But in a book
Being well writen i dont give a shit
I mean, the ro in Double/cross (the only one i remeber right now because read recently) was pretty great despite the age gap.
I like to make relationships like this, but from a more fantasy point of view. Like you have a 20 year old MC then I like to make a 500 year old ro.
With fantasy of course you can write it so that it doesn’t seem like there’s much of an age difference, but when you consider it from a point of view like that, a few decades doesn’t seem like a big deal.
1 Like
Well as long as it is legal and not creepy 
I Like older women like 3-5 y/o gap diff from legal aged MC.
If its only 5-10 years gap I don’t mind it. But, 20 with 40 is kinda … well, that thing is common in some area of my country so I’m not surprise if it’s happened.
But, I’m personally doesn’t like it becuase it’s just awkward for me to think. It’s almost like child and their parent, because 40ish sort of more senior when compared to 20ish.
And as long as the MC or the RO was in legal age within that age gap, I’m okay with it. Funny thing when it comes to 500 years gap I’m weirdly don’t mind it, anime has affected my brain too strong.
Yeah, I think as long as both ROs and MC are 18+ for like serious romantic/explicit scenes I personally don’t think the age gap matters. I mean especially if its a fantasy or supernatural setting like Wayhaven Chronicles where the ROs are hundreds of years older than the MC, I mean it still works, ya know?
2 Likes
This is fiction, not reality. Of course every agegap, no matter how small or big, how old MC is or if they’re of legal age or not is okay to me.
Games does not have relevance, need to reflect or justify what is done of terrible thing in real life. Fact and fiction is two completely seperated thing
1 Like
It can be interesting to be the older one. How you’re mc live with being, let’s say 20 years older than the ro. Is it ok for them? Are they akward about it?
I prefer romance with a close age gape, but it can be interesting too. Age gape is not a creepy factor for me, but it clearly means more thought for both of the character. It will not be an easy relation. But I think it can be really interesting.
1 Like
I think for the most part, unless a character’s age is plot important, relevant, or specifically mentioned in the story, I tend to just headcanon the MC’s/ RO’s ages being whatever ages I’m comfortable with. Sometimes that might mean headcanoning the MC’s age a little bit younger/older than the author might have originally imagined, but unless it would change the setting or story significantly, I don’t worry about it too much.
Unless an MC is supposed to be a certain age (high school student, etc), I tend to imagine them older anyways (since most tend to be on the younger side 18~20ish). I’m over 25, so it just makes the MC a little more relatable.
For fantasy characters that are 500+ years old (vampires, elves, demons, aliens, etc)…that depends. I generally don’t like romances that have a huge power/maturity imbalance like that…and a huge difference in lifespan would definitely qualify. But there can be exceptions. Like if the MC is also hundreds of years old. Or in the case of vampires, many times they are sort of emotionally frozen, stuck in their old ways/mindset, or haven’t changed much in decades, so the maturity gap may not be as significant.
Human/immortal romances I find especially hard to wrap my mind around. The two characters would have such a different concept of time, history, etc. I’m not saying it can’t be good, but I feel it’s a difference the author would definitely need to address in the story for me to really enjoy it, and not something that could be glossed over. What is it exactly the immortal character sees in a human/mortal? How do they view time or memories differently? How will the RO deal with the aging MC and how will they move on when the MC is passed on? If it’s a supernatural story, does the MC gain immortality eventually, or does the immortal character become mortal and live as a human? Etc.