Just had the time to really play it thoroughly so latest feedback :
“You’re growing closer to Ozera, now.”
The MC might actually be growing closer to Ozera, but I think in this case you mean “getting closer” 
“Savarel goes to stand in the sunlight with her notebook while the peacocks peck at the ground and starts to read”
At first I was wondering when peacocks learned to read then I realized you meant
“Savarel goes to stand in the sunlight with her notebook and starts to read, while peacocks peck at the ground.”
Or maybe
“Savarel stands in the sunlight with her notebook and starts to read, while peacocks peck at the ground.”
“Can I help, Lieutenant?”
I feel like saying “no” lol.
Most people in this position would say “How can I help?” or maybe “How can I help you?”
“her eyes look almost black in the dusk light. But by the irritated expression on her face”
This probably should be
“her eyes look almost black in the dusk light, but by the irritated expression on her face”
“That’s reminded me that I wanted to talk to you”
seems that it would be better phrased like this
“That reminds me… I wanted to talk to you”
“Servants herd you into the opening hall” might be better as
“Servants usher you into the reception hall” - it’s unlikely that servants would herd elites like sheep
“You’d place in his fifties;” - there’s a “him” missing here
“Fiore shakes her head, pours your cup, and hands it over.”
should probably be
“Fiore shakes her head, pours you your cup, and hands it over.” Cups are kind of hard to pour
“Matia Matia’s brown eyes are bright in the afternoon light.”
