I started with the concept of a game a few days ago and to get myself an interesting and motivating start I wrote some lines of an early scene.
As the title says, English is not my mother tongue - and I often have the feeling that somewhere in the process of translation my German thoughts into English text atmospheric words magically turn into something that sounds like the babbling of a drunken 4-years-old… but to be honest: I do not know if my English is good enough to critisize my own texts ;).
So, could you maybe have a look at my text and give me some feedback whether it can create a good atmosphere?
"I hope they are not yet dead.
It is hard to find someone in this town who cares about other people - and even harder to find someone who does not hide any dark secrets behind his social mask.
I would not go as far as to say that I could trust her - but maybe we have common interests.
My eyes are constantly wandering back and forth between my clock and the rear view mirror. I pull my hat a little deeper into my face.
Finally, the noise of an engine. A black limousine is approaching.
She has actually come.
The car stops on the other side of the street. Someone gets out on the passenger’s side, opens an umbrella and the rear door. She gets out and takes him that umbrella out of his hand. I have to smile about that bemused expression while he is gazing after her for a moment, until he regains his well-trained countenance.
She will come alone - so, she seems to have no idea who she’s dealing with here.
She circles the rear of the limousine.
Isabelle de Chaves.
I breathe in.
At each step in my direction, waves move circularly from the high heels of her shoes above the water on the asphalt.
Solid, proud steps of a girl who grew up among the upper class of the city and is used to watch places like this just from the safe perspective of her penthouse.
The blue cloak goes to her knees.
She wears thin gloves, hardly suitable to keep out the cold.
Her attitude is that of a true lady.
The umbrella casts a shadow over her face.
She steps around my car.
That click of the door…
I breathe out."