@ZacharySergi oi there Sergiversian Historian
it’s good except for few coding kinks here and there and few small spell errors.
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Supposed to indicate either a very tight working relationship or a purposefully distanced working relationship, either work with different outcomes–rewarding building a consistent relationship either high or low. UPDATE: I edited the language on testing choices to indicate and/or more clearly!
Also that choice you refer to is a future IAP, so giving the opt-out options some weight.
I found a few errors and pieces of code
Amazing game so far. I’ve played verses so it’s interesting to see a story in the same universe.
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@K_T Thank you SO MUCH for the typo report, helps so much 
And you’re the first to say you’re enjoying it, so means the world!! Haha I’ve been working on this steadily since Versus 3, and feverishly between my hardcover novel releases, so it’s my little personal baby, but I never know if anyone else will have some fun…to hear you’re enjoying it. Whew. Okay gonna stop rambling now…
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Wow glad to see you working on something new the hero rise series has been one of my favorite choice of games releases to date, so if this is anything like your previous work it will definitely be setting a new standard for IF games.
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Love the premise so far. I will make sure to check it out later! Have a nice day!
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The Disrep names have a lot of Taylor Swift into it xP
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So I’ve just started playing and I’m wondering why we don’t get to choose our own name? because dude I can’t read something where the MC is called babe as it’s the nickname that everyone uses for my little sister. 
Which is so sad because this story is so well done like it had me crying at the bit where the MC is talking about how they feel about their powers. 
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A very recent add as I listen on repeat 
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You do get to choose a chosen call-sign name, which you are mostly referred to the rest of the novel!
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UPDATE: 11/1/22
Have uploaded a new version with tons of edits and added content
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Gonna preface this by saying that I’ve never read Heroes Rise or Versus, I’m not really into the superhero genre. But as a new reader, I didn’t find this too difficult to get into.
This got super long, so apologies in advance for my rambling
(Nothing below is blurred for spoilers, reader beware)
Typos
(Note: this was before the game was updated, so some of the typos may already have been fixed.)
This Disrep-only policy has been enforced on a temporary preliminary basis, so your people can properly heal, build, and begin establish your own culture.
The trespassers move to defend themselves, but it turns out they don’t need to. Disregaurdian’s weapons sail into one of Tellie’s portals with a shorn slicing…then out of another portal that faces the ground.
That said, it’s hard to argue the he is—objectively speaking—stone cold gorgeous.
Should you deem necessary, my ever so Fortunate one, you will join the Chalice of Malice and thineself on the ever-annoying Blende. There, we will do all it takes to win an empowering tournament of champions.
Just checking, this ^ might be a typo.
And I don’ think I need to tell you, millions of lives could be on the line if you ever lose control of your own power.
While you might not need to worry about life meters and power costs like the rest of us, using the correct skills and strengthening those skills over short amount of time will be crucial.
But really, there’s nothing you can say or do to make Brit and Boris truly see you as they friend they’ve come to know. Because you have a feeling you’re about to become someone—something—very different.
You cast a quick spell to bend one of the metal buttons on your uniform into a new shape. The button twists and sucks, popping of to the ground.
Then you catch your fist glimpse of this new world you’ve stepped into.
At least you need to convince yourself that’s what will to happen, for now.
“And when does that happen?” you ask, trying to hide the sarcasm in your vice.
Shifting your focus P.Savage, the good-cop bad-cop routine starts to clarify.
Inspired by the agency of Empiria Bloom, follows her missions to clean up and loose ends too frayed for her to finish.
And most of all, the new high aspect believes your ability to twist and defy the shades is pure sacrileige.
The SeaSoveregin already swims higher up into the sky to escape the fray, now that they have been freed.
Then, in the next moment, the SeaSovereign swims back through the air towards thee ocean.
That’s when you notice one of The Night Orchid’s midnight stems attach to this SeaSoveregin like an umbilical cord, clouding the beast’s enormous eyes in a milky swirl.
“Usually any enemy of Sou Vox’s would be a friend of mine,” Sum Bom jumps in, turner redder by the second.
The being shudders, causing light to reflect off their layers of golden jewelry. It’s almost like they glow form within, projecting an inner light outward.
“If the Accursiques from my world were ever find their way here, I’d fear for the fate of the entire Verses Galaxy.”
In fact, particularly cruel children would claim you as the bastard child of an Accursique, given your purple eyes and penchant for spellower.
You can already tell the Spells that are going to be required of you in the endgame will require much more power than yo currently possess, especially without a power source or Binaria.
You don’t expect a compliment like this form Chalice, so you’re not sure how to respond in your currently-disoriented state.
This Case Log will be experienced linearly, in chronolgical order.
How did they manage to get here in the two day since your finals back on Distopia?
You sound annoyed, but mostly because it bothers you to note recall anything about Gothika from your extensive studies.
should be “not”?
As ChantuSe starts moving, your eyes shift to Votal. But all you recieve in the way of an answer is another deeply unsettling grin forming across his silvery lips.
“But I already know who you are,” One-Fourteen replies. “Or at least I can guess, since you’ve shown up here witha Destructive Versian escort.”
But for one of them, this exotic energy signature will will surely signal they are Binaria in hiding.
“And this house is probably full of stranger-danger brand booby traps, so lets get ourselves set somewhere relatively safe?”
You must be more tired than you think, because you. find yourself exceedingly annoyed to be bothered again, no matter the reason.
If ChantuSe was aiming to protect your peace, she has only succeeding in disturbing it so far.
This truth would incite public outcry large enough to drive the Galactic Council to find find some way to intervene in The Nagoll Rim.
"First there’s Boomkat, a scientist who once specialized in antiquity-tech fusion, until they key-coded the world’s largest canon to respond only to their genetic triggers.
Meanwhile, both ChantuSe and Vortal look pained, like their respective tracking senese are currently overwhelmed.
Thatbee, I wold have told you if I could."
You can tell his mind is racing, looking for way s to do what he does best: survive .
Feedback on story
From the way a few things are described, like shades magic involving colours that you “vibe with”, I get the sense that I’m not the target audience, so this might have coloured (ha ha) my opinion about the story. Still, the worldbuilding itself is intriguing and imaginative, and I’m interested in seeing how the story ends. It seems that we’ll be seeing more of Brit and Boris in the next book, and I’m glad for that because it would’ve been a shame not to spend more time with them. I also enjoyed other characters like Leigh and ChantuSe.
I also like the addition of artworks for the characters, and how they’re introduced in a non-intrusive way by placing them on the Stats screen.
I would like a brief description/summary of the characters that are listed in the Spellodex. Right now it looks like there are only portraits of them. Also, will you add entries about places and other concepts or terms the player should know in the Spellodex?
The latter half of Part One introduces a lot of characters and exposition. I think they could be more spaced out so the reader isn’t overwhelmed. Spending some more time in Distopia could help with introducing characters at a more moderate pace.
And that brings me to my next point: we don’t get a lot of worldbuilding about the closest thing the MC can call their home, so I would have liked to have more moments of the MC’s day-to-day-life before the main quest. There was the part where the narration mentions that MC likes Autumnaland, or at least the atmosphere of it. It would be nice if we can have more time to explore it, as well as more options about which parts of the planet we like. I think it would help flesh out the MC and make them a more grounded part of the world they inhabit, if that makes sense.
She trusts their mission so inherently, she even allowed The Native to depart with that soldier-witch unaccompanied.
I’m confused, is this referring to Trig? She has never been mentioned before so it feels a little strange to see the text refer to her as “that soldier-witch”.
More than anything, however, your eye is drawn to the ornate trident The Wicked Wone grasps, which beats like an exposed organ and sports two razor-sharp teeth-prongs.
The Wicked Wone is a super cool name. Gives me Souls-like boss energy, lol.
The artwork shows a trident, but the description above gives the impression of a bident because of the way it’s worded by mentioning two prongs.
Realised about halfway through reading that Tellie’s name is a pun on teleport. Good one!
Wone creashionism is brought up a few times, but I don’t recall seeing an explanation of the concept? It would be nice to have a summary for new readers.
Not gonna lie, I laughed when Leigh hurled the two enemy agents out into space Team Rocket moment.
Not a serious comment on the writing, but I find it funny that there’s a euphemism for the F word, but someone is also straight-up described as a dominatrix.
Feedback on choices
I like that there aren’t too many stats to keep track of, so the gameplay never feels overwhelming. And it’s great to have the skill tests and changes communicated in a clear, understandable manner. I wish more IF had a hint system like this. I’m guessing we will get the option to turn it off for some players’ preference?
We also get a good amount of choices to decide where the story goes and whether to be close or distant from MC’s companions, which is great. As other people have brought up, I think character customisation is the part that could use some improvement. I’m fine with MC’s appearance being kept vague for the most part (I’m guessing the purple eyes will be plot-relevant), but they will definitely benefit from having more reactions and dialogue options to choose from.
I understand having Fortune as a fixed surname (a title, even). But I’m not sure how I feel about the MC also being named Babe; I understand it’s an alien-ish culture and so the word would probably have different connotations, but it still feels a little condescending at least, like a mean nickname made up by the MC’s bullies. They call the MC a ticking timebabe so that’s what my mind jumps to.
My guess is that the name will be relevant to the story (maybe a hint about MC’s true origins?). Still, it would be interesting if we get the choice to keep it/reclaim it, or to stop using it and just use the MC’s Disrep name. Or as a compromise, maybe we could be called B. [chosen name] Fortune.
Speaking of reclaiming, at first I chose the name Fundament because it suits the MC’s power, but later I picked Witchlock for my next playthrough because, well, it does sound awesome. It would be nice to have the game acknowledge the MC’s choice to adopt that name.
As I’ve said before, I would really appreciate having more dialogue options for the MC. It felt like there were long passages without any choices to break them up. They don’t even have to modify stats or anything like that–they’re more to establish the MC’s voice, thoughts, and inner world. Without those, in my view, they don’t feel like our own character. This might work for some readers, but it is something I personally dislike in IF.
You should know better. You should expect this. You should be over this.
So then why do you run from the finals field, tears stinging the corners of your eyes?
I feel like this (re)action should be left up to the player because it will suit some MCs and not others. A Powerful, Reckless MC could be brash and taunt them. They could also leave quietly but stewing with quiet rage instead of running in tears. A stoic MC might try to ignore everyone–it’s nothing they haven’t been through. (Is it possible to cast a spell to block sight, if they really can’t stomach the sight of other people’s reactions?)
Plus, Tellie happens to be your personal hero.
Is it possible to turn this into a choice about the MC’s opinion towards Tellie? I know she is important in Distopia, but I feel like the MC should still be able to have different views about her, whether they’re envious, indifferent, idolising, or friendly but distant. Maybe Tellie is one of the few people who appreciates MC’s potential and stands up for them. I get the sense that this is her implied relationship to MC. Then again, a cynical MC could still see that as an attempt to manipulate them for their powers.
“It doesn’t bother you that The Native is a known Repo terrorist?” you ask, knowing what a leading question this is.
The Native, viewed one way, is a villainous and opportunistic revolutionary. Viewed another, he is a freedom-fighter striving for the equality of another oppressed population—the indigenous Repo people of planet Blende.
Similar to the previous suggestion, I think this would also be interesting if made into a question that the player can ask. The MC could have a variety of opinions about their mixed origins and the fraught history between the Replete and Repos.
So let’s not fail?"
“I don’t fail,” you say, but you lack some of your usual bite. You don’t love the sound of all that.
This feels like it should be a dialogue option for the MC.
“In case this wasn’t already clear,” he begins, “I will do everything I can to make sure this investigation goes smoothly, and to lessen the potential impact your work here will have on Gothika.”
You aren’t usually one to accept such direct kindness and support—you actually don’t really know what to do with it. So you simply nod your thanks, because it would be nice to leave this planet with what you came for, without catching any galactic criminal charges.
More choices here would be nice. I think some MCs could express their gratitude more overtly instead of just nodding. A pessimistic or loner MC might act dismissive about any attempts to help them.
All in all, it reads like a self-contained story, and I enjoyed it. It explores an interesting theme about what it means to be a saviour or a tyrant, and how the line blurs. Evocative, sprawling setting, with characters that are unique and well-crafted. It’s a good YA read for me.
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@Kshatriya I cannot tell you how helpful this feedback is!! Not just the typos (most of which were still in there), but the story and character feedback. Also, hearing you enjoyed it really means a ton to help me keep trudging through all the testing/edits!! Also loved that you picked up on some of the easter eggs and fun writing bits.
But more than anything, the specific feedback on what made sense and what needed more explanation story-wise was huge–especially as someone who hasn’t read Versus (so helpful for my brain). Even bigger, all the suggestions on how/where to deepen the MC are invaluable. I totally agree, a pass through adding more character-color choices will go a long way. It’s often really hard for me to know where to draw the line between a formed MC and open-ended, what readers need in that balance.
As you might imagine, there are about 1,000 things to balance telling a story like this, between world-building and interactivity, so noting this MC weak spot is so helpful–especially making it so clear how to fix it!! I know “feedback” shouldn’t be graded, but if it is, you get an A+++ from me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
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And thank you for writing this story! Very happy to hear that my feedback has been helpful. And yes, I can only imagine how hard it must be to pay attention to both customisation and having a well-defined MC, but I’m sure you will do an excellent job in balancing both aspects.
I’m excited to see more, and I hope the rest of the editing/beta process goes smoothly for you 
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Thank you!! Already added a large handful of MC-building choices Update should be coming this weekend.
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Another update just pushed through! Tons of story edits, a whole suite of character choices, and about 1.5K more words of writing…okay, I’m going to go lie down for a while (after reading/testing it one more time lolol).
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Dearest Readers, checking in to report another UPDATE is now live. It includes all work from the past week beefing up/editing the GOTHIKA Part and Epilogue, adding another 3K words and tons more MC-building choices. Okay, I’m exhausted just typing that…off to have me a margarita.
Also as a sidenote, this beta will close so this novel can start locking for publication on 11/18. So we have another week to whip it into shape, if you have any lingering feedback!!
Eternally Grateful (and tired),
Z
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You instalty spot the looks of recognition—and trepidation—that pass over the faces of both One-Fourteen and ChantuSe. Meanwhile, beside them Vortal snarls even meaner than usual. Typo there. Instantly I assume.
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The beta has officially closed! Thank you to so much to all those who read and gave feedback, it truly helped so much. This novel will publish January 19, you can head here to make sure you don’t miss it and for all project updates: Interactive Novels — Zachary Sergi
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