I just finished it. It is an extremely well-done surreal piece, especially the doll part and the ending conversation where the only dialogues spoken are from the ex-wife in the house. I’ll play again for the good ending.
There were good bits that had me smiling (stats page and the fire-blasting pump).
The typos present have already been mentioned by the above comment so I think all’s fine on that front. Good luck.
This was such a wonderful read… I love your writing style! You had me hooked right from the get go- that intro was intense and had me on the edge of my seat.
Thanks so much for the feedback! Glad you enjoyed! I’m a little worried I might have to take the fire pump bit out of the final product, but we’ll see.
@RedTuna Thanks a ton! The intro originated from a short story I wrote a while back. I found it in a disused drawer in a corner of the house, and the ideas practically flowed from it directly to me.
Also, to everybody that has read it I’m considering adding a gender choice at the beginning for your spouse and possibly the main character. Is there any reason not to?
Ahhh what the fuck I hated it! Well, no, that’s not even remotely true. But my heart jumped into my throat and my eyes are stinging and I…just…feel…so…bad!
I’m bookmarking this story to come back and read when I’m not already hormonal and emotional. I do wish you’d include a gender customisable spouse. I didn’t mind having a wife but a husband would be preferable.
Also I think the tense changes quite a bit so that, on top of the wall of text, can be a little intimidating to read through? Something tells me this is intentional, like you are making us live in the moment but also bringing back unpleasant memories from the past and mixing them all up. But if you don’t feel very strongly about it as an artist, could you just stick to one tense, please? Thank you for sharing this very horrifying work! :DD
Thanks for the feedback! I’m glad you liked what was there, though I would agree that you should refrain if it is affecting you in that fashion. The story certainly doesn’t get any happier, and even the “good” ending is only good from certain character’s perspective.
I’m currently working on offering a gender customizable spouse option! I’m not entirely sure how to do it, but I think it would be worth the effort.
The tense change was to create a sense of confusion and vague inconsistency just as the wall of text was to mirror the MC intimidated by returning to these thoughts, but if the audience finds it difficult or dreadfully dull I’d happily alter it.
Interesting!!! By the way How to get “good ending”?
Don’t die at all throughout the game, and listen to Death when He speaks to you. It’s not exactly happy, though.
Oh no, it’s not dull at all! On second thought, since it’s intentional, it makes lots of sense. I don’t think I’ll be reading the book - the words “All is hell. All is deceitful” keep playing over and over like subtitles whenever I have nightmares which is…odd. I don’t think I’ve been this affected by something like this since I watched Midsommar. But anyway, congratulations on creating such a fucked up but very well written book! :DD
Thanks for the well wishes!
UPDATE
General bug fixes. Removed unnecessary text. Added unnecessary text. Will make spouse gender selectable soon. No reason not to.
UPDATE
The spouse is now of a gender of your choosing! Please play through and make sure no accidental pronouns made it!
startup line 79: It is illegal to fall in to an *else statement; you must *goto or *finish before the end of the indented block.
Thanks for the catch! Fixed now!
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry! All errors should be fixed now!
No need to be sorry 人´∀｀)
I just noticing a bug and thank you for fixing it.
Huh. Would’ve bet a couple thousand dollars on everything being fixed. Good thing I didn’t.
The first issue is fixed now. Can’t find any examples of the wrong pronouns being displayed. Could I ask you where they are?
Once again, I’m terribly sorry.
This topic was automatically closed 60 days after the last reply. If you want to reopen your WiP, contact the moderators.
Well, I reopened this thread because I had a big update for this story that I was excited to share with everybody. Emphasis on had, unfortunately. It’s all gone. Maybe one day I’ll come back to it, try to fix it again. I was proud of this story when I first wrote it, but I feel as though I’ve grown as a writer since then and it could benefit from a rewrite. Oh well.
