Creation: Book 1 [Chapter 6 in the works. release date: Within 1 Month.]

yeah it’s fixed, thanks m8.

Can I ask if “Samurai” is Japanese/ from Japan? Because Japanese don’t have middle names so I find it a bit odd.

Right, it’s family name, personal name in Japanese. Obviously I’m trying to implement differing nationalities in this story, makes it feel a bit more full. I’m not entirely familiar to the naming system and its conventions yet.

EDIT: I see what you mean now after looking at the script. Ryota. That’s been removed.


Do you plan to add saves

Thanks for the reminder! Yep, I do plan on adding them eventually, likely within the next few days. Life has been busy so I haven’t had enough of my day to go 100% on writing it out. Expect Saves to be implemented by….this upcoming Monday at the latest.

1 Like

I’m enjoying the story so far and wish you well with the rest of it. Just a couple of constructive pointers… You should probably find a proof reader who’s a native English speaker. Please don’t take this personally but your grammar is all over the place atm. You also need to nail down your setting. The UK doesn’t have a Federal Reserve, it has the Bank of England. If you meant the US Federal Reserve, you should probably highlight that. Also, the UK has the NHS, so doctors coming in an immediately starting to talk about bills and insurance is somewhat jarring. All medical treatment in the UK is free at the point of use. It’s covered by general taxation.

1 Like

Awesome, thank you. Not generally familiar with the UK setting as I am with the US where I reside. I’ll go ahead and change things around when I eventually have the time to start work back up on this

(@Clear ) There’s a well known saying in the writing world: “write what you know.”
Obviously that doesn’t mean you can’t write about things you’ve not yet or never will experience, it just means that your writing will always come across as more authentic when you write about topics you’ve learned a lot about, or have experienced first-hand.

It’s the reason why great authors will spend years researching for their books, and will sometimes even go and live in the country their book is set in, to be immersed in the culture. JR Tolkien was a professor of Medieval European History and of Languages (EDIT: and had also fought in World War I - the lessons of which were reflected in his books), hence why ‘Lord of The Rings’ hit so well to almost all who read/viewed it: it felt authentic; Tolkien knew a lot about the subjects contained in his books, and why the original languages in the books held up to professional scrutiny.

There will always be someone who knows the subject better than you, the trick is to mitigate the chance that a significant portion of your readers will be part of that statistic. Write what you know.

What I meant to say by all this, following on from @Douglas_Mckeever 's comment, is that seeing as you live in America, it may be better to set your story in America, since you know the system/lifestyle better and are much less likely to make big mistakes. If not, you’re going to need to do a hell of a lot of research on the UK and society there, because anyone who lives there or has lived there, or knows about it, and reads your story will instantly find the massive holes in your story.

I hope that’s not discouraging - I found it a really big help early on in my own writing journey. Good luck with your story going forward! :slightly_smiling_face: :four_leaf_clover:


This topic was automatically closed 60 days after the last reply. If you want to reopen your WiP, contact the moderators.

Opened at author’s request

I was trying to take a screenshot but for some reason this forum isn’t letting me but during this part…

Chapter 1 - Introduction

You begin to regain conciousness. Time doesn’t seem to exist and you’re unaware of how long you’ve been unconscious.

The first things you hear behind the hooded vision in front of you are voices. Muffled, but they sound mostly male. You can’t be sure. They seem to be speaking about you. You stop thinking about it when your head starts to ache in response.

“Shall we wake our prisoner up?” you hear a muffled voice say.

The darkness is roughly pulled away. It looks to have been a bag of some sort.

A splash of ice cold water hits your face, sending you awake fully in an instant, a heavy shock to your body making your breathing start fast, slowing down as you try to catch your bearings.

It won’t let me pass this part and instead says this-

Chapter1 line 29: increasing indent not allowed, expected 4 was 5

Same as above, will try a different browser to see if I get the same error again, using Firefox on my mobile. Same error on chrome.

Noted. Will be taken care of in a moment!

thank you for letting me know in the meantime

Okay, looks like its working now.

The novel is finally getting it’s first generally big update in a while.

  • The beginning of chapter 4 is to be released early. I’ve been working on the outlines for a while now, and have gotten about 50% of what I want to do with it, done.

  • Roughly 3,000 new words

  • Grammar, Location, and Sentence Structure Have been almost entirely fixed from Chapter 1 to 4

  • You will expect something really new within the next few chapters. Trust me, once it’s down, it’ll be worth the wait.

  • Since Chapter 4 isn’t 100%, I have a full, story to date feedback form listed in the Original Post, head there to give me your harshest criticism :slight_smile:

  • The “soul feature” I added is something I’ve been concerned about, so I’m still working on implementing it into the storyline. Give me some time on that one.


@Clear When we get to the scene of the semi truck, no matter if you follow the tracks or not; it takes us back to the beginning of chapter 2. Also, should the stats be working yet? because they aren’t doing anything.


Stats are something I’ve been putting on the back burner for a little bit while life does it’s thing to my writing schedule. Unsure on when I’ll get that portion started, but I’m currently thinking of removing it from this version and moving it to my test server to apply everything to it.

And then it takes you to the beginning of Chapter 2? I’ll go ahead and take a look at it.

EDIT: Oh…well that’s weird. I must have accidentally copied Chapter 2 into the file. I had recently reinstalled windows and such, so I was quickly moving everything back over. Give me a moment to reapply the content.

EDIT 2: Ok well…the data is gone. That sucks.

So what I’ll do is quickly create a new section off the top for that part, and remove the tracks entirely from that section, then reapply it to the new one.

EDIT 3: I’ve deleted the stats from the live server for the time being. You won’t see that in the game until I make sure it’ll work.


There are certainly a lot of pages of exposition where you only get to hit next

That I realize. I’ve known about the issue for a long period of time, and I’m still working on improving it in my test version. Exposition is probably the weakest part of my writing overall but I’m trying to improve the best I can :slight_smile:

1 Like

Oh :ok_hand: