Bloods Melody (WIP)

Hey everyone. This story, this Blood, this Melody, is my first IF which I’m working on. The main reason I made this thread is to get feedback about what you think of it. It’s still heavily in work in progress, as you will sometimes come across choices with “WIP” on them. And if you’re wondering how much there is in chapter terms, it’s the prologue and the start of chapter one.

Story

“You lead a casual and calm life in a small village at the foot of forest grounds, in a world where magical creatures are lurking from road to road, as well as much further and deeper in the earth than your eyes can see.”

“But your life of such tidiness is soon to take a dark and unforgettable turn once your father takes one step too far, and disappears from every soul with a still-beating heart after walking into the depths of the woods. Without the thought that he might never be able to see sunshine for one last time.”

“But the unease villagers are soon to be greeted with the news that your father has been found in the woods, just laying there calmly in the maple leaves, on the ground, with an arrow straight between his eyes.”

In this nail-biting tale that follows, you’ll be battling with lives edge, at the tip of the blade, in the aim of the arrow, get kidnaped by a demon, get a death wish from a ghost.

On your journey, you’ll be able to fall in love with a shy vampire, a witty elf, a kind werewolf, or charm open the heart of a gorgeous creature in a mask. As well as tame and fight alongside various magical, or non-magical, pets.

Will you find out who murdered your father? Will you get revenge on who did it? Will you save your own Blood and escape being murdered yourself? And most importantly, will you create a bond strong enough and hear the Melody of love?

Features
  • Play as a male, female, or non-binary. trans or cis. aromantic, bisexual, gay, lesbian, and straight.
  • Play as a vampire, werewolf, elf, phoenix, angel, demon, or simply human.
  • Romance up to five different characters.
  • Ride a ghost horse risen from the shadows, battle beside a phoenix birthed from the ashes, deafen the forest with a howling wolf, or charm your enemies to their doom with a snake on your wrist.
  • Watch an army fall in front of your own eyes. Will you help them, kill the king who send them, or both?
  • Get revenge on your assassinated father in a world with epic fantasy and different challenges every corner.
  • Escape being murdered or put in your death wish.
  • Or make it thru everything and hear the eternal Melody of love.
ROs

Linda–Vampire

Gender–Female

Personality–Shy & Charming

Linda has long blonde hair which flows down most of her back, along with her crystal blue eyes that could lighten up at least half the world.


Oakley–Elf

Gender–Non-Binary

Personality–Confident & Witty

Oakley has dazzling white shoulder-length hair which is tucked on one side behind their long pointy ears, along with their gleaming green eyes that look like a meadow in the morning.


Alan–Werewolf

Gender–Male

Personality–Kind & Protective

Alan has warm chocolate brown hair which is a couple of inches long, along with his rich yellow eyes that look like a colorful blossom in spring.


Emily/Emery/Emil–???

Gender–F/N/M

Personality–???

Female – She wears a smooth white ceramic mask with golden edges which cover her entire front face, as the only holes are two openings for her fire amber eyes. She has waist long ash brown hair, which is tied in a half crown braid on the back of her head. She also has a tight neckless with one single ross red gem dangling around her olive skin neck.

Male – He wears a smooth white ceramic mask with golden edges which cover his entire front face, as the only holes are two openings for his fire amber eyes. He has shoulder-length ash brown hair, which is tied in a half braid on the back of his head.

Non-Binary – They wear a smooth white ceramic mask with golden edges which cover their entire front face, as the only holes are two openings for their fire amber eyes. They have shoulder-length ash brown hair, which is tied to their right in a triple mini braid on the side.


The fifth still hasn’t much known yet.


Genre: High Fantasy / Romantic / Murder Mystery

Play it here DEMO

About Feedback

You didn’t see the choice you wanted? Let me know! I want to make it that you can come with any approach you desire.

The choice you wanted was there but it didn’t affect the MC/stats/characters to your expectations? Also important, as I want to make sure you get what you were expected.

I’m not only new to writing IFs, as I’m also just new to writing in general, so I’d be more than happy with any advice around that. As it would really help if you tell me what parts you like and dislike, then I know what to avoid as well as aim for while writing.

And as for grammar/text style/commas, that’s not very important. As I will most likely find that later after editing. Unless it’s really vivid or distracting.



Total word count: 30.000
Word count (excl. coms): 25.000
Average play thru: 7.000

I write slow but determined so it won’t come fast, but oh my…it will come.

Update log

Do you think I’ll be updating it right after posting it?


Warnings

Fantasy violence, horror, mild sexual content (nothing more explicit than kissing), mild alcohol use, gore, and blood.

This tale is much about your assassinated father, which some might find very dark.

(I might update the warnings a bit in the future.)


“We will battle, and we will battle for as long as our blood will stand.”

172 Likes

Before I play the demo. Here is a save plugin I use, How to implement saving/loading - #2 by peaches

I’m going to play, now.

7 Likes

Fascinating start so far!

1 Like

Interesting so far…

some typo
image
should be forest.

image
should be capitalized.


Although?

through?

For this one, just in case the player forget to capitalize the name you can fix that by adding “!” in front of your variable.

Examble $!{variable} the “!” will capialize the name for you regardless if the player capitalize it or not. :slight_smile:

Also the story keep looping for me at that spot maybe it’s because I purposely not capitalize the name haha :slight_smile:

Keep writing, I can’t wait to meet the RO’s :slight_smile:

6 Likes

This was very interesting to read. I can’t wait to see where you go from here :blush:

2 Likes

Yeah, that was working all nice and slick until my “index.html” looks totally different from everyone else.


@CC_Hill Thanks for finding the typos :slightly_smiling_face:

And the capital thing I actually coded myself for…not really any reason, so I can get rid of it if it’s annoying or not working.


Thanks!

4 Likes

You don’t have to get rid of it :slight_smile: I guess its looping because I didn’t add a capital letter so you’re fine.

2 Likes

Man, I thought the father was still alive and we can somehow rescue him. But he’s bound to dead. I was hoping that the people found his hand instead, so we still have hope that he’s alive somewhere.

But so far it’s fantastic, can’t wait for further stories. Love the work!

1 Like

image
For some reason capital D’s don’t work, as far as I can tell other letters work but any name starting with a d doesn’t.

2 Likes

Oh, you just wait and see.

Thanks for pointing that out, apparently I had the D labeled wrong. But I disabled it for now to avoid further issues.

well this is a bookmark for me :grinning: :grinning:

1 Like

I notice you seem to be misspelling “through” as “thru”. I thought I should point it out as seems consistent. Also noticed in the warnings “mild sexism (nothing more explicit than kissing)” maybe this should be “mild sexual content”, sexism is something else.

Anyway, excited to see a new work. I look forward to seeing where this goes.

4 Likes

Looks interesting so far, but I did notice you using scroll where walk or stroll would be. Vampires can walk in daylight?

2 Likes

Can the werewolves in this world transform whenever or just during the full moon?

3 Likes

great story cant wait for more

1 Like

What a promising and interesting WIP. You earned my claps! :clap: :clap: :clap:

1 Like

Typos and other mistakes:
• Do you want to read thru the prologue or just quickly skim thru it? → thru should be through
• In a magical world filled with creatures of, → of and the comma are unnecessary
• in the prologue, “yough” one should probably be young one
• You always enjoyed → You have always enjoyed
• Would you want to use the pronouns […] → Do you want to use the pronouns […], or, better yet, Do you want to use […] pronouns
• Your father has always been there for you, and always a trustworthy one → and was a trustworthy man
• Once finally morning → when morning finally came
• you can get the chance → you get the chance
• yes that’s right → yes, that’s right

Overall, I think some of your sentences are too long and wordy, with expressions like “or something”, “and yes”, “quite” or “just” that serve no purpose. I’d recommend editing them to make them shorter and more engaging.

2 Likes

I changed that, thanks.

Thanks for reminding me about that, there was a lot to think about and I forgot to make the Vampire MC, as well as the Phoenix MC half-blood making them a bit different from everyone else. And if you’re wondering about Linda, the fact that it was raining just minutes ago makes it cloudy, making her able to walk outside.

Anytime your heart desires.

Thru and tho is actually short for through and though. But I can understand if it’s not wise to use in writing.


And thanks for the feedback @fool as well as thanks to everyone else :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


I just want to say that saves have been added.

5 Likes

Being kidnapped so easily felt weird especially since the mc father was a highly skilled swordsman and I chose to continue. It would be understandable if the mc was hit with a tranquilizer dart or spell. Idk it just seems weird because I chose to continue my training and work out but was still caught off guard and was choked out so easily.

7 Likes

This is an interesting start. But I’m kinda disappointed that we didn’t get the chance to fight back more when we were kidnapped or refuse to comply with the kidnapper. Like I think more choice to be defiant and rude to them would be good. Like when they ask you about your specy all I wanted to say was
“None of your problems”
“Eff of” or “A unicorn” with a sarcastic smile.

Also I like revenge story and hope we will be able to also get revenge on the kidnapper.

7 Likes