It was really good nonetheless, and I like how the MC actually acts like a child now at least early on
4 Likes
I have two questions: What happened to this story?
And why do a rewrite?
What I loved about the Demo is how dark and intense it was. I did not care much about the protagonistâs childhood, you couldâve added that through flashbacks of key moments and it wouldâve been fine. I loved how it wasnât like many other CoG stories that tried to be dark and crule but failed.
Now the new demo feels some how hollow and is diverting from the original. I donât know why, but it feels like a dose of rainbow and sunshin were thrown onto this story just to appeal to some people.
To be frank, I liked this story becuase of how unique it was. If you only kept the original demo, fixed the grammar errors and expanded in some areas with details here and there, it would have been good.
This new demo isnât doing a lot for me honestly and i hope things will change soon. Wishing you the best of luck, author.
6 Likes
I like the new demo. Getting see the mom and how cunning and ruthless she can be, but also loving when it comes to us and even respecting our choice unlike the dad make me way more interested in the family dynamic with the dad later. Also understanding why our parents hate the king was easy after the shit he does. Getting to Hayden was cool, but Iâm more of Cecilia person and hope we get to see her more later.
12 Likes
The demo still involves a lot of dark elements, no? Weâre sent to kill prisoners before weâre a teenager, we can kill a bear and get our face torn open, we kill friend and foe alike. And this is pretty much all new content; the same beats from before can still be gone through because the new demo is almost entirely set before the old one.
The new demo has many typographical and grammatical fixes, and Iâm happy to see those go through.
17 Likes
Thanks,glad you like it 
3 Likes
Iâm not sure if you deliberately ignored what I said in previous responses or just didnât see it, because I already replied and explained about it (but I guess it was the latter), but here we go.
First: The story is being rewritten both to give better development and to provide a better translation. The old one had many errors and skipped over many things, so I decided to give a better translation while adding new content that precedes the events of chapters 1, 2, and 3, and yes, these will have expanded scenes and better translation, with the vast majority of the events remaining the same. The difference is that Iâll take things without much haste in terms of the passage of time and the events before that, as well as polishing some things.
And second: Sunshine and Rainbow is a bit exaggerated to refer to the content that precedes everything, but thatâs okay.
And thank you. I understand that not everyone will like or find the new scenes and better explanation necessary. So, itâs okay.
25 Likes
Hello, and thank you. Happy you liked the interactions between them and that it provided a better understanding of some things. I hope youâll enjoy future updates, and yes, youâll definitely see Cecilia much more, especially in the next update.
9 Likes
Well, I just got around to playing the demo and I liked it! Definitely gave me some strong feels to the point where it hurts. I kinda wished that it had a scene where we get our pet and spend some time with them.
6 Likes
I loved the new demo, it was so good, I could connect well with MCâs father and mother, with some of the ROâs and I was very sad with the situation with MCâs mother.
Iâm looking forward to read more 
<3 you did amazing!
7 Likes
[Review of first draft of the new demo with Spoilers]
Spoilers
So I read someoneâs comment saying that the new demo is too ârainbow and sunshineâ, and can i just say i resent that, bc of that comment i began reading really expecting the sunshine and rainbow, and let me tell you it was very much not that, the darker tone of the new demo set the mood in a way that the scenes of violence were somber and more meaningful than the show of blood and pain in the old demo that felt in many ways as just an artificial way of shocking the reader with no consequences to that, now every blood spilled have not only outside consequences (like a power play between the noble houses and an outside and unknown danger coming to them) but inside too (scaring mc that is a child still and many others that have to learn to live after every and each tragedy)
The old demo already made me curious abt characters and stories that happened in the past, like mcâs mother, haydenâs sister, and even mcâs relationship with other characters that against all reason seemed friendly and loyal even though mc was supposed to be seen like such an infamous person, I wanted to know how mc got such loyalty and respect, i mean he even is friends with hayden in the old demo even though they had every reason to not even be close to that.
And i got so much more than that, i love how complex every relationship is, i love how hard every decision the other characters took was and the reasoning behind them and how deeply the repercussions of those decisions cut as much as how it shaped and affected mc and the others, (heck even haydenâs sister was much more human than before wich makes her death surprising bc it does feels like a life cut short instead of the disposable unknown sister that only use was to be haydenâs sad background that she was)i canât see anyone as the big baddie bc in a way i sympathize with, if not all then most of them, wich makes them much more human in their complexity, even though mcâs choices donât matter in the bigger scheme of things yet (so making them a child here was a good choice)i can see how little decisions like being friendly or cold with hayden, killing when given the chance to or turning against it for example can have their own repercussions in the future. (Mc having some sort of trauma or even ptsd from all that makes much more sense and meaning now than before bc it feels more like a âshow donât tellâ than in the old version were the flashbacks were either crammed in or just straight up said to mc or by mc so the reader can keep up with the rushed pace of the story)
[Review of new demo without spoilers]
So to me the new demo is like a sort of prologue that now comparing the new and old versions seem like a dearly needed one, a more complex and deep introduction that sets the tone with much more mastery and nuance than the old rushed version ever did.
Thank you author for this re-write, i know that a re-write must not have been an easy decision to take but every word shows how much more confident in your story you became wich in turn made you confortable to take a more slow and measured but meaningful view in it instead of before where you seemed, as any new writer would have, excited to run to the most shocking action packed parts to draw as many readers as fast as possible, as if not confident in the story you had yet, stumbling through it.
So donât be afraid to take your time, be confident in your vision, and we, the readers, will hold our breaths when the climax finally comes at their own pace instead of getting caught in the trap, that many did before, of trying to shot cheap shots for shock value only in fear of losing readers interest instead of building a more meaningful story to give the climax a more deep meaning instead.
11 Likes
God I love the new demo, its a breathe of fresh air and expands more on the world and characters in it, especially MCâs mom and Haydenâs family!(also love me some Hayden + Mc bonding moments). Not only that but now we start with building up our MCâs (Build-A-MC) up from childhood, which i love as it fleshes the mc out more as a character in the story. I will say I thoroughly enjoyed going through the new demo and I can not wait to see where the story goes from here on out!
Side Note
Saw someone say something about people saying its now âsunshineâs and rainbowsâ, those people are only reading the story really at surface level, but if youâve read any stories that involved nobles/politics/espionage, you would know that every little thing, every word coming from an important person, every action a person does, is not without reasonâs, whether it be in plain sight or hidden behind cloaks and daggers. The first Demo had that shock factor with the violence and horror, which I very much enjoyed as a story, but I felt that it was lacking on the mystery factor, sure there was an issue, a conflict, but it did not feel like pieces were moving all around, no intrigue to it. Now, now it feels like any action the mc does/take will cause things to shift on this metaphorical board. No longer does it feel like a linear issue for the story but a intricate web, were a single action causes disturbances at it webbing, not knowing what sort of things might be attracted to those disturbances. Sorry if I rambled a bit but when I read anything dealing with politics or some espionage I hyper fixate. Author, you keep making strides with this story!
14 Likes
Love the revamp
2 Likes
I loved the new demo, I feel more depth in the story and I feel more connection with the characters. For me everyhing is better and new themes are being explored very well. Iâm very happy for you, I can see the improvement in your writing and exploration of themes. Congratulations.
The motherfucker saw a child watch their motherâs head do a 360 in the air and said âit feels like a dose of rainbow and sunshin were thrown onto this storyâ. Like???
26 Likes
my lord did this comment make me cackle like a witch. Sometimes i forget how snarky internet people are!
11 Likes
I even decided to make a meme to commemorate this comment.
Iâm inspired today, I decided to make two
18 Likes
Thank god Heyden is gender selectable. She is the best character for me so far
4 Likes
Question, if we set us to be blinded, we lose just one eye or both eyes? Because if it is one eye then I suggest changing the option to âpartially blindâ and changing the description a little to demonstrate that one of the eyes is still ok, if it is both eyes, han there is a bigger problem because in several moments it is written that we SEE or SAW, and in my head Iâm like âNo, I donât see shit because Iâm fucking BLINDâ
4 Likes
Iâm still reading through the new demo, but when the bear attacks us, there doesnât seem to be a way to not get scarred. Getting scars in games is something I really donât like, especially if there isnât a way to avoid it. I just think there should be a way to prevent scarring, if you want to have physical consequences in the game (which I donât love, but there isnât anything wrong with that choice).
So Iâve finished it. I do like most of whatâs been added. I already loved Hayden, but this has just made him so much more of a cutie. My one note is that, this is a long stretch before we get to the academy and that main part of the game. Thereâs nothing wrong with long prologue-type sections, but I would be cautious when deciding what needs to be shown at the start vs what should be told throughout the story. I was expecting the childhood to lead into academy life, but it seems to be leading into something else and that will lead into the academy life. It might end up being too long before we get to the meat and potatoes of the story
5 Likes
Attack of the eye this is how you will not get the face scars but your body wil will get attacked instead
5 Likes
Personal opinion here, but I believe there should be no option to attack the bear or be attacked and left without scars. Youâre a child attacking or being attacked by a giant bear, there are certain things that need impact. If you donât like scars, make your character not like them. Certain things happen because we want them to and we suffer the consequences for that, sometimes we are in the wrong place at the wrong time and sometimes the environment around us forces us to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. One of the themes of the story is that you are a person who, ever since you were little, has had enormous expectations on your shoulders to carry and many of these expectations force us to be cruel people. Removing the scars means removing the impact that such an environment had on our childhood and consequently altering the impact of the scene on the long run.
Imagine when you become an adult and every time you look at your body your first scar is there, whether you want it or not, there is a big message on your chest or face saying âYou need to be stronger, you are an Ellarian (or whatever family name you chose)â
9 Likes