In general, I agree with what Jason’s said above about negative conjecture (even if I don’t think Avery’s case was the right one to highlight) and its impact on a forum. I couldn’t agree more that empathy is crucial to healthy online discourse, often lacking, and that it doesn’t require clinical expertise.
But yes, “Micro-aggressive Opinions are trickier,” and I particularly disagree with some of the language Jason uses on unsolicited opinions. I don’t think forums, whether online or real-world, thrive when their citizens are encouraged to only share opinions that are explicitly solicited. So in keeping with that perspective…
Even as a parent who’s had to (and still has to) push back opinions I disagree with, I can’t agree that unsolicited opinion-giving constitutes violence against me, or even that someone is necessarily trying to “exert their will” on me by offering an unsolicited opinion. Influence is not coercion, as I argued on another recent thread. There are a range of more and less aggressive ways to offer opinions about childrearing – as Jason notes later in his post.
Even for people who offer strongly-worded opinions… well, I understand the vehemence of people’s judgments on the topic. Parenting is one of the highest-stakes things many of us will do, and if someone thinks I’m doing it wrong, I’d rather they told me. After all, some of my parenting approaches are grounded in firm principle, but others are probably things I could do better if I got the right advice. And where I’ve got a strong opinion of my own, I’m ready to offer it back.
Empathy is I think the right thing to emphasize here, rather than solicitation. I’m not at all inclined to tell people that any unsolicited advice to parents is a form of violence/will to power… but I am inclined to encourage empathy toward exhausted young parents, who are probably stressed by a toxic culture of success maximization and fearmongering around every aspect of childrearing, and who (if they need your advice at all) probably need it in as gentle a form as you can offer.
I’m happy to run with the general advice about finding a tone for offering opinions that doesn’t merit the “demanding one’s asshole be kissed” metaphor. That said, I also argued on that gender thread that authors should be ready listen to opinions offered in a variety of forms, rather than insisting that everything be offered as a tentative personal opinion…and I imagine CoG recognizes that some of the assholes thrust in your direction are worth, er, listening to. (This metaphor is going nowhere good.)
PS: I can well imagine the Gilded Rails fracas was intensely frustrating. But part of me also wonders: isn’t
the right point for people to be satisfied? It’s well and good to be told by a (white American?) staff member that a senstivity reader was used… but perhaps part of the cost of being a socially conscious business is recognizing that a segment of your customer base won’t be satisfied until they hear it from people in the directly affected/referenced group.