If you could find the instances in which they are crossing their arms (whether the whelp or npcs in dragon form) that’d be very helpful. I usually try to make it clear when someone’s in their mortal guise and when not.
Alerhon should have a bit where he changes to his mortal guise in the green path, but I’ll double check if that might not display correctly for some reasons. As for the emotion thing, screenshots/quotes would be great here, I’ll see what I can do.
The whole thing about maturity and all will be discussed here and there. There will be a few smaller and bigger timeskips, but I can’t yet guarantee how big or small, given the type of writer I am Dx.
As for the initial questions, I am toying with the idea of putting more of the landscape in-between before another choice pops up. Although I’ll have to come up with something for the Reds and Greens then as to why it takes Alerhon so long, as their lairs are quite close to the cliff. People, let me know what you think.
And finally for the first question, I’ll see if i can put something into the stats to display before hatching, even if it’d be a little fourth wall break to send the player there. We’ll see. Again, people’s input is needed.
Oh no, don’t encourage me to give you more detailed feedback, I’ll never stop.
Screenshot1: “Though you do wonder whyi the laundry” typo on why.
Screenshot2: “there’s a few crystal lantern” I think “Lantern” is technically correct, but mostly dialects plural lantern with an -s
Screenshot3: “remember what I told you” about Ashenmaw and why eggs have to be sacrificed? NO you didn’t Alerhon it has been a single day and there was no text line about an off screen lore drop don’t gaslight me. You just explained the very basics of what Ashenmaw is.
Screenshot4: “Alerhorn bristles… he doesn’t seem angry though” and “again he bit back a whimper… not stemming from”…". I’m guessing the PC is too young to recognize that Alerhorn is down bad for Madalumi?
Screenshot5: “quite thorough Tea. But you have all right to be proud of it” awkward phrasing in english. Try “you should be proud” “you deserve to be proud” or “you have the right to be proud of yourself”
I’ll keep you updated as I find things and continue playtesting~. Thabk you so much for this fun.
Thank you And thorough feedback is always welcome I’d never catch everything on my own.
Let’s see:
1 & 2: fixed, will be in the next update.
3: I’d need to go through the paths again. the ‘remember what I told you’ should only pop up when you are not a red whelp, so there should be a mention about the energies connecting in the other paths. But I’ll doublecheck if that isn’t hidden behind another question
4: 100% XD
5: will be fixed next update. thanks
EDIT: doublechecked number three.
I think what happened was that I originally planned to have Alerhon explain it beforehand unless you’re a red whelp, but only wrote it for black whelps. Changed it so the ‘remember’ line will only pop up when you’re a black whelp, come next update
To be fair naturally the parents of the winter whelp had to remove any attachment to them thanks to the yearly sacrifice so it doesn’t hurt them a lot. Probably after some time has passed they will step up to be one besides MC is still only a day or two old so of course not much real chance thanks to Kassius screwing around for a pointless meeting to humiliate our caretaker. Rip the red MC unless our mother actually decides to step up to it regardless of how it happened. Can’t see kass wanting much to do with them unless he somehow gets over resentment.
Without giving much away black is very sad without giving much away. We could either make things better or worse over there. Green is alright and actually get to know a bit about our connection with forest. Mum started bonding with us until that meeting was called. Green was very affectionate
I’m working on a small scene I’m not sure if I should have it be available for all or if it should be restricted:
If you decided to sneak around while Alerhon was doing his morning workout, and you heard singing I am now having a scene in which you can sneak out and investigate it and meet another decently important npc.
because the npc is decently important (although there will be other means to get the hooks for their plot later) I’m not certain if the scene should be restricted to the prerequisite or free for all.
I think prerequisites are fine as long as they are rewarding. Like if I meet the npc now. I hope my future Convo with them should be easy (if I have any stat checks). Or I get something out of Convo whether it be relationship stat or hidden lore which can be used later.
But I wouldn’t mind either way. As long as the subsequent meeting isn’t too heavily relied on the previous one. Like if I am meeting them only on scene 2, but Convo isn’t cohesive as it should be. Because the whole Convo is written with intent of having met them in scene 1.
I agree with the comment above. Let things play out differently depending on meeting them early or not without causing major issues with something like wait i remember u from before for meeting them early for the second encounter so it doesn’t cause problems. Maybe let the MC get called out for sneaking off before with others present for it.
I’d like to imagine instead of it being an error, dragons just pause whatever they’re doing, sit on their hind legs and cross their arms as a display of dominance.
On that note, what will at some point definitely happen is any of the dragons sitting down, tail around their legs and wings closed over/around their head, pouting.
So I played through a couple more times as both a green dragon and the other colors.
Firstly, I couldn’t find dragons crossing their arms so either it was hidden behind a different set of choices or I just read incorrectly my first time through? (I probably read it wrong, my apologies.)
I am sure that the first time Alerhorn changes to human on the Green path is when he enters the Inner Sanctum following Vaelias. I want to say this is also true for the Black path, but I would need to double check.
Also, have I mentioned I love how you have set up your stat changes? The fact that statement changes are an optional display, and that certain colors get certain bonuses for stat changes is so fun! Additionally I haven’t ever felt like I “failed” a stat check. That might be because this is still the beginning phase, but it feels like there a re no “wrong’” choices, just different story paths and characterizations (for example; insulting Tea or calling Kassius a bad father to his son’s face.)
Additionally;
Typo / Formatting
I noticed some paragraph breaks and I’m not sure if they are a misplaced code or due to my phone screen;
thank you :3
I’ll see about the paragraph breaks, likely just have a line too much in the varieties there.
Should be fixed next update.
From the top of my head, I do now remember having Alerhon change in the blue path when going into the garden, and in the gray path when… going into the garden… sensing a theme here hmmm XD (not really, i just didn’t fully realise that before)
Black, red and green I believe he stays in his shape the whole time till the meeting with the Queen, my mistake there
No idea about the arm crossing either though.
EDIT: nevermind, found the arms crossing. 'twas in the green path, will change it to wrinkling one’s snout :3
