Asexuality in COG/HG Romances

I’m creating this thread because, as an asexual person, I can’t help but be bothered by something I encounter in almost all HG or CoG games that have romance options. When I first started playing them I would see things like “play as straight, gay, bi or ace” and I got very excited about it because I thought, "I can play as asexual!”, and in my mind that meant being able to romance people as ace, since the romance and love interests are often promoted quite a bit. But sadly, when I would go to play the game, I would find out that the asexual option locks you out from any romance, and I wonder, why add it at all if it’s so redundant? Do the majority of people think that asexuality means we don’t have any romantic interest? Romance is not inherently sexual, and seeing that I have the option just to be denied the romance (and thus, discussions about said characters and romance) if I choose to play as myself is pretty frustrating. I often find myself restarting games to play as bisexual instead, with a fair bit of loss of interest that sometimes ends up with me just… not playing it at all, since the original excitement was tarnished by my feeling sort of… forced to play in a way I don’t like. Especially when the option is there, but I can’t use it without losing out on a part of the game I enjoy.

I understand, of course, that writing an asexual romance might be complicated and difficult if the writer is not asexual, but the community is here to help authors with these sorts of topics — and I think that, were they to ask, they would find that in a lot of cases it’s really not too different. Since often I’m able to pretend it was as though I’d chosen the ace option, especially in games where the sexual nature of the relationship is never even brought up. Which is quite a lot of them really!

Pretty often on social media outside of the forums for some games, such as tumblr, I’ll see questions asked to the author like “how would x li react if mc told them they were ace” and things like that. So I‘ve been wondering, do others in the community feel the same way?


I very much agree with this. My relationship with sexuality is a complicated one at best, and in a lot of cases I would love to be able to play as asexual and simply enjoy romance without the sexual part of it.

I have gone through disconnect from the games in many occasions in which I thought I would be able to play as ace, just for the choice to be as good as nothing. As you say in your post, I do understand that it might be a daunting idea to write an ace romance, but it’s something I would very much love to see in future games on CoG and HG.

As you say, I end up playing as bisexual in most games just so I can have the romance I want to, and just like you say too, in a lot of cases is rather annoying when said romance doesn’t have any sexual feeling to it unless you decide to engage in sex. So why not let asexuality be a real option when there is already romances that could work as such?


I have to agree with you there, it feels horribly disheartening when you are told you can be an ace, only to have to play as a bisexual to not be locked out in the end. I know it’s hard and intimidating to write things you have no real experience in, but sometimes it honestly feels like that option is added as an afterthought and left just to be there and look pretty.
I’m glad that someone raised this topic and I thank you for it. Romance doesn’t have to be sexual to be engaging and fulfiling.


As a writer who hates romance at all. I think that it is really unrealistic expectations that in 100k each and every one of the possibilities in the humanity spectrum will be included in games where romance is not even the main focus

It is not possible, simply and bluntly putting. Nine asexual versions, five polyamory… then initiative or not. … Then monogamous then switching differences
That for several romances that have to be different from each other.

Writers should be writing about what they passionate about not 1k versions of romances.

Edit: I understand all of your frustration, but authors do the best way they know in the limited time and resources they have. Participation in testing is KEY to improving content


I think the point is that games which advertise ace as play style don’t tend to include a compelling asexual route. Not that every game should necessarily include every possible variation of romantic, sexual, or platonic relationships.


While it’s of course every author decision to include whatever they want, I fail to miss what your post has to do with this subject?

What emiiyaa is talking about is games that do give the option to play as asexual, just to then have a very poor interpretation of it. They are not asking for every game to include romance, they are asking that games that do include it and games that give the choice to be asexual have it implemented in a way that makes asexual players feel comfortable with.

I just think your post misses the point of this entire thing? :confused:


Why put that option in the first place if you won’t work on it at all, then? Isn’t it better to just leave it out completely? The author of this raised very good points. You put it in and it doesn’t have any impact, and in some cases just locks you out of romance completely.


I haven’t met a single asexual person that doesn’t think of romance unless they are also aromantic. And I don’t see how expecting to have a better representation of some sexualities that are clearly common in this community would be naive at best.

It seems like a very defeatist view to have. If people is not vocal and asks for what they want, it will never happen. Just a few years ago playing as transgender or non binary was extremely rare, and I am very happy to see that this is changing as years go by and people is more vocal about it.

I think instead of just accepting things won’t happen, is much better to try and change it if you are not happy about something, be it asexuality, demiromantics, aromantics or anything people feels like it’s important :slight_smile:


My bad of course absolutely all versions of everything should be part of games, the author has to invest 3x of wording and tiple of time asking each reader.


Would the onus then not be on the player, in the case that they are aromantic and don’t wish to do the romances, to simply not pick the flirting choices vs the author locking all asexuals—a large faction of whom experience romantic attraction and enjoy romance—out of the romance paths all-together? It feels somewhat othering to be banned from romance altogether unless I pick a sexuality that is not my own, particularly in cases where a lock out doesn’t even make much sense.


I have to choose not my own too. As a writer, I do an option of friendship and or romance platonic or not. I don’t think I can’t do better than that except making romance and relationship shallow.

Exactly, no one is forcing anyone to write romance in their games, or players to pick romantic options. If an author doesn’t want to write romance, that is perfectly fine! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, at all! But if the author does give the option to be asexual, then it should be an option that actually gives an accurate representation of it.

If someone picked to be gay and all the romantic options you had are straight, it would be absolutely infuriating, but if you pick asexuality you are forced to have no romance at all and it’s honestly hurtful.

I didn’t want to get overly personal with this, but I am afraid I am doing it now. The idea that asexuality is incompatible with romance is a very damaging idea that hurts many many asexuals across the globe. It feeds into the thoughts of being damaged, of having something wrong with you, of having sex being a must for a romantic relationship. I have gone through many years of thinking there was something seriously wrong with me because I didn’t want to have sex, many years of severe depression and thinking my only chance to find love will be to give in sex even when I don’t want to. And when games let you be asexual just to be locked out of any romance, it only serves to further extend the wrong idea that the only difference between a romantic relationship and friendship is sex, and I can not stress enough how much I disagree with this.


My advice is Present the case to Cog and Participate in Beta testing processing. As an author, It is really sad when you ask for a collective for helping in a romance or advice and nobody asks and offers help.

Many times the authors don’t know how to include the community


And that is fine! It says as much in the original post

I don’t think anyone expects allosexual authors to be able to write asexual romance without any kind of help, and that is absolutely fine! A lot of people in this community would be happy to help if authors need it, and I am seriously hoping that this thread helps to make authors realise this! :slight_smile:


I asked several times in the last years and NOBODY replied to me. Nor wanted to test for me. So I ended up bitter and decided never put another wip here in the forum. I will only put the finish beta that hosted demands.

Or you are popular, or nobody will help you.


I haven’t been in the forum for a long time, and I must admit I am mostly a lurker :sweat_smile:, but every time I see authors posting their WIPs or asking for help, I usually see them get help. I am sorry that wasn’t the case with you.

With that said, I think it’s clear that at least some of the asexual members of this community are more than happy to help, as we are, well, literally saying so :rofl:


Well, I expect to have my game done in December or January. So, I will see the opinions in the only romance option. Romance is separated from sex in my game. So you will have all content except sex if you want. For me is easier.

Friendship -With sex or not

Romance- Platonical, Relationship (sex or not.

Edit: Probably is because I am demisexual. So separate sex from Romance is logical to me.

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I’m new here so I can’t really say at this point, but I saw some threads asking for beta testers and they seem to be popular. If authors asked then we would be more than happy to help them, though. Being asexual doesn’t mean that we don’t want romance.
That’s our whole point there and it feels like you are unfortunately missing it.


So… We agree then? I’m glad to see that! :smiley:


I understand both sides of the coin. As demisexual.
I present romance and friendship separate from sex. Because there are many friends with benefits. There also platonic romances when people never say the other and romances with sex or not.
However, as writer sometimes you are really bad writing about something and prefer not to include it to no represent badly a group. Or simply you think a group is in away. That and with deadlines sometimes there is simply not the time for all choices being included.