For the taking of 75% of revenue to publish with Hosted Games, for purposes that include marketing and the such, I expect this to be an issue that should be taken seriously and not attributed to “the chaos of the holiday season” when this also happened to Sword of Rhivenia. Being that the only marketing it received was an email to the email subscribers…
I have to agree with this review. One thing I absolutely can’t stand in a book ( and this might be a personal pet peeve) is a snarky narrator. The narrator who just wants to have a one-sided conversation with you, the reader, and rub their superiority in your face.
I couldn’t get past it long enough to finish this book. However, I read enough to realize that it’s the kind of comedy where the wit is supposed to make up for the lack of story-telling and worldbuilding. The story exists as a setup for the author’s jokes and that’s why there is Kung-Fu in Camelot.
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Oh dear. Now I am a bit afraid - my own book definitely has a snarky narrator, but I definitely don’t rub things in your face - at least I try not to! I only really rub if you’ve managed to fail a stat check so badly you deserve it (by obviously picking wrong things)
Will have to relook at my open demo…
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Start a tumblr, discord if it gains traction, and be active on all of those so you can get beta feedback. Put yourself out there!!!
I hope the author of Arthur: A Retelling sees this and does the same for their next work! Dont be discouraged mate, you can make another game and learn from this as you further polish your skills!
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There are some readers that really enjoy a snarky narrator.
If you still have concerns read back over the feedback you have gotten so far on your open demo to see how readers are liking the narrator.
If the majority of the readers are enjoying the snarky narrator then just leave it as is
Or you can create a poll and ask them how the feel about the narrator
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If I’m not mistaken, the turning into animals thing was originally in TH White’s The Once and Future King, which the Disney animation is based on. It (Arthur: A Retelling) does start with a more humorous/whimsical style instead of a straightforward take, though it gets more serious and fantastical in later chapters fwiw.
(Also I thought the kung fu thing was a reference to King Arthur Legend of the Sword. Anyone remember Kung Fu George? 
)
A note about the gender options: if you play as female or enby Arthur, your name will still be Arthur. You will at times be called son of Uther and “Arthur himself” at one point by Rience.
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Note - I’ve tidied some off-topic posts about announcement threads into their own thread. Please discuss announcement threads there as you wish.
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While I believe the work is in public domain, the art in this CoG is by Aubrey Beardsley, drawn for Le Morte d’Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory, not by this author.
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I honestly hope someday there will be story where we can play as sir kay or other not so well known knight but yeah i think this good
I wasn’t going to reply but mans has been called out twice so okay. When I said 30,000 words was impressive, I was referring more to the effort and commitment than the actual word count. I have started and left countless projects that far exceed ones that I have seen to fruition. Now sure, not everyone is as blasé as me but the success of an author who has seen and completed a project to completion should be commended, it’s hard to convince myself to get up in the morning sometimes, let alone publish a piece of work.
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i… just read the whole book and thread discussion. playthrough took me a little over an hour. honestly the thread is pretty hectic but the book itself was fine.it has flaws like the much mentioned pacing but i still liked it.
it’s not for everyone so i can see why some people don’t like the humour but tbh you shouldn’t take it too seriously.i liked the angle the book was aiming for and i don’t think it was meant to be a guinevere or whatever merit people put on arthurian games, rather something jokey and short like @Havenstone mentioned.
i would say give it a try if you’re up for a fun and light read. it has a very nice price too.
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There is a new thread for word count discussion. Please respect the author and stop derailing her announcement thread.
Next post in this thread that talks about word count will trigger moderation.
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Just finished a play through. There is definitely some grammatical errors, misspellings etc
Pacing needs to be polished up more.
Would recommend that the author consider doing a closed beta for their next work to help iron out the rough spots.
I did enjoy the snarky-ness of the author.
This story isn’t meant to be taken seriously so if you approach it with the mindset that it’s meant to be a jokey/tongue in cheek light read then you may enjoy it.
This is their first work and as with anything the more you continue to do something the better you will get at it.
So I do hope the author decides to continue to write Interactive Fiction as they have really good potential.
I look forward to seeing them get better and better at this.
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The post with my review got split into another thread, so I’m moving it here.
I’ve played the game up to the first paywall and I’m not enjoying it so far. I’ll try to give some constructive feedback on why that is. The humor in the game hinges on sarcastic comments and gags that work well only in visual mediums. I feel it would have been better to rely on more profound, sharper jokes about the Merlin universe rather than snarky comments. The scenes transition sharply and there are few descriptive passages. The quest we are embarking on isn’t explained, but I suppose that’s part of the joke.
The unlikeable protagonist is extremely difficult to pull off, especially in a branching narrative medium. If the MC does not have any redeeming qualities, it’s really difficult for the player to form an emotional bond with them. Maybe it would have been better to also show a more human side of the MC in the first chapter.
For me, the length of the game is not an issue, as I’ve enjoyed other sub-100k word games posted here. I wasn’t pulled in enough to get past the first paywall. I understand that the game is made with humor in mind and it’s intended to be lighthearted, but humor alone does not make a good story. Characters, setting, and pacing are just as important in comedy games as much as they are in more ‘serious’ ones.
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I’m gonna start this post with what I liked. Most people are saying that this is comedic and lighthearted. Yes, it does start that way, but I think it’s a bit of a disservice to reduce the story to that because it actually has more up its sleeve if you play until the end. If you choose to be turned into a fish, you will see a vision of Galahad and the Holy Grail. Or if you try to storm out to get away from Merlin, it pretty much reveals that something shady is going on with him.
I thought that part was cool and added something new to the story. Too many adaptations make Merlin an entirely benevolent force whom we’re not supposed to question, so it’s good to see something different. You can even refuse to take the sword from Nimue, which is an interesting addition and a good use of interactivity.
I also enjoyed the scenes where we got to know Guinevere and Bedwyr. They’re both sweet, and Guinevere reminds me of her counterpart in the Merlin show.
As for what I disliked, this feels like I’m joining a dogpile and I feel bad… 
Hope this doesn't come across as harsh, and if it does I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes the narrator’s snark was funny, but when they asked for my MC’s name and then proceeded to ignore it, that crossed the line into downright mean-spirited. No wonder this Arthur has an attitude problem. That, combined with the MC being called Uther’s son several times, makes it misgendering. It would be one thing if the MC is meant to be a reincarnation of a male version of Arthur (Nimue’s scene seems to imply this), so everyone expected MC to be a boy, but I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be the case here.
This leads me to say that the gender option could have been handled better. It’s not fair to people who play as self-inserts because a male Arthur will never be misgendered and raised as a different gender. The only point where the story uses your inputted name is in the ending, but only if you are in a romance with someone. If you end up with no one, you get a scene with Merlin and he still calls you Arthur.
I’ve said before that I don’t like when my MC’s gender forces them to present or behave a certain way. This applies in reverse, where no matter what, the MC will be brought up as a boy and wear boy’s clothes, and it’s not up to you whether you want that. If you want to let a female or nb Arthur present as a boy (maybe they are gnc or trans and closeted), it should have been an option for the player. Also, the bit about medieval gender roles doesn’t feel true in the rest of the story, since neither Bedwyr or Guinevere seem surprised to learn that the MC is a female squire. They treat you the same way, and there are even some endings where you end up married to Guinevere.
I would’ve liked to have more scenes where Arthur spends time with one of the three ROs before making up their mind about them. The romances moved too quickly imo, but to be fair, they were a nice depiction of teenage love. The plot in general felt too fast-paced, even in a slow read. It’s a shame because there were clearly a lot of references to the myth, and they could’ve been expanded upon if it hadn’t been over-ambitious.
I think it would’ve reached more of its potential if it were a self-contained, slice-of-life-ish short story about Arthur’s youth before taking the crown. Without the high-stakes parts of Arthur’s destiny like Excalibur and rebel kings, it would have allowed for more focus on the characters, interactivity, plot lines being resolved satisfyingly etc. without needing to write hundreds of thousands of words.
Also found a bug in Chapter4:
“Welcome back, ,” you hear her whisper into your ear. You shiver yourself a little bit.
I think this is supposed to be ${sibling}, but the variable is never filled in and remains blank for the entire game.
I did enjoy the story for what it has to offer, and fwiw, it tries to bring something new into Arthurian adaptations. I hope to see more works from this author.
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Gongratulations on the release and good luck with your next projects!
Sadly, I can’t get past the narrator.
That book is just not for me, but I will check out your next books 
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Congratulations on the release. While I’m seeing a lot of people saying “30K isn’t a lot” etc, It really is. From someone who has written 75K so far in my book, 30,000 is a lot of words! Great job and I really hope that you don’t get discouraged by these comments! (Not to mention the coding it took and endless hours of trying to find an error only for someone to give me a feed back really makes you feel like you want to bang your head on the wall lmao)
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They said to report the misgendering as it’s a bug
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