Another round of minor typos and corrections, this time focused on the new content. I really like the writing on display in the dark path. Very flavorful.
If I had one request for the Dark Path, Iâd love to see a final resolution with Krog himself. Maybe instead of the Krog we see in the Cyclops War path we can see a drained and weakened Krog, to reflect the damage you have done to the world of Krog Pile? I know we get a glimpse of him at Krogâs Rock, but it would be satisfying to actually get to execute him. (Of course, I know the perils of feature creep, feel free to ignore)
Thatâs flattering, but Iâm definitely not a professional editor, so feel free to take or leave my notes as you see fit. There are probably places where I see an error in what is actually a conscious style decision on your part, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
Dark Path
A corpse in front of you brings his hammer down, full force, against a second bell. It too explodes in sound,
*Full stop at the end, not a comma
Freelance witch-finders have started visiting the Roral Road and surrounding areas, following up on reports of unholy occurrences.
*Royal
The presence of witch-finders has increased. With them, they now bring scholars of demonology. Missive are exchanged.
*Missives
You worry that, perhaps, you have done too much malignant tinkering and raised suspicions too son, without rising in power enough to divert attention elsewhere.
*soon
Travel to the villages on the periphery of the province of Granradgard.
*Grandardgard
As the large orc barks order, his voice catches.
*âbarks an orderâ or âbarks ordersâ
At sun sets, you arrive at a hamlet, keeping to the shadows of nearby trees while you observe events.
*Either âAt sunsetâ or âAs the sun setsâ
Once you your followers, infect the imperial provinces to weaken our staunchest resistance.
*Missing word. Perhaps âhaveâ?
Whisper in the minds of influence goblins and gift them size and strength.
*influential
Goblins are easily influenced creatures, resentful, jealous and eager to take advantage of an adversariesâ flaws.
*Either âan adversaryâsâ or perhaps " their adversariesâ "
Tohe shamans are eager to share in what they can only see as Krogâs blessing on the once diminutive Toothpick.
*The
You flail against mind, yet are unable to penetrate the thoughts withinââŹÂŚ
*Either âmindsâ or âa mindâ
The new resident of The Plains is soon noticed by a local tribe Huge with improbable musculature all bulging and vein crossed, the ten-foot orc, with an equally large axe, is admired from afar.
*Missing full stop before âHugeâ
Here. You hope to continue spreading corruption without being disturbed.
*Full stop not needed after âHereâ
They hope, by pricking the thoughts of those with demon-induced madness, that can can pinpoint the locus of recent corruption.
*âthat they canâ
The most northerly province, Yonderfolds, is seen as a superstitious backwater.
*Yonderfolde
Some even delve into sinister knowledge to restore the healthy stink and greeness of their fellows.
*greenness
With your powers growing in magnitude, you decide to divert your toying with the other provinces and focus on the imperial heartlands and the ecclesiastical authorities.
*outer
No longer is age gripping your joints, for the perversions of evil have nibbled away at your soul and connection with the very nature of time and space.
*Missing word âyourâ before âconnectionâ
That absent left breast exposes a whole, an emptiness where you would expect to see a heart.
*hole
Still cowled in his black robe, The WIll sits motionless, his voice a familiar scrape in your ears.
*Will
Due to the residentsâ powers, it will be difficult to affects these fools with anything but the your most potent dar arts.
*dark
if you play your cards right, you can acquire a nice mob of the insane to warp and mould into something more useful later on.
*If
Other the thieves the dark gift of camouflaged skin, using your Mutate powers.
*Offer
âImage the snoring guards by the vaults. Theyâll never see you coming.â
*Imagine
From know on they will crave unholy trinkets.
*now
Faint, you collapse
*Missing words âin your caveâ
From small chapels in hamlets to city temples. a plague of possessions corrupts the minds of a large number of bishops.
*Comma not full stop
Whether in the middles giving services in small chapels, city cathedrals or cloistered away in monasteries or convents, your undead swarm their targets.
*middle of
Yet, these pet magicians lack enough power to make a large enough dent in the larger. stone-made places of worship, usually found in dense towns and cities.
*Comma not full stop
Your priesst are cut down, judged blasphemous and meeting swift justice in the form of blessed greatswords.
*priests
With the nobles eager to maintain an air of moral superiority over the 'little people, it is their worst nightmare when cloaked figures whisper their crimes to them.
*Missing quotation mark
Though they, even now, scheme to track you down, you relish the fracturing the imperial hierarchy.
*Either âyou relish fracturing the imperialâ or âyou relish the fracturing of the imperialâ
Able to blur into the night, your hellspawn will fine assassins, able to avoid the sleepy guards.
*Missing word before fine, either âmakeâ or âbeâ
The Willâs approaches you, its movement flow like a smooth gust of breeze.
*Will
Agony comes next, as muscle and bone crack and thicken/ Within a weak, the afflicted are left frozen like statues.
*Full stop not /
*week
Yet, they persist, tittering on the edge of destruction.
*To titter is to giggle, I think you mean âteeteringâ which means to balance precariously.
The ground trembles. beneath their feet, shifts and heaves with violence.
*Full stop not needed after trembles
Yet the unease caused by the violent earth will forever stain the naive hopes of the small folk/ The mental scars run deep and a mistrust of the fields sows itself through the halfling communities.
*Full stop, not /
The plague spread quickly, consuming the young and old, rich and poor, in the same devastating fashion.
*spreads
What are supposed to think of them? You are different, better, beyond them now.
*Missing word âyouâ before âsupposedâ
For several hours you cause the ground the heave and split.
*to
They are quick the flee from areas of danger.
*to
yet these unfortunates are met by ever-suspicious elf arrows and human crossbows.
*Yet
The motley bands of withcfinders stream from the flanks, behind the knights.
*witchfinders
With The Ladyâs Sword, you carve carnage through the imperials. An unstoppable force of destruction, your hacks and slashes cleave men and women into two with unwavering, savage focus. Even the merest touch of the red vapour wreathing your weapon is enough to snuff the hearts of imperials. Roaring with relish, your axe passes through armour, flesh and bones.
*Sword turns into an axe from one sentence to the next
Despite the fact that they have blunted your slaughter, you your frustrations out on them.
*Missing word âtakeâ
Call on them to wrought utter ruin across the imperial lines.
*âWroughtâ is past tense. Present tense would be âworkâ or perhaps âwreakâ is a better word here.
The WiIlâs hooded face nods towards your throne.
*Willâs (the one quoted has a capital I instead of one of the lâs)
Relent, or challenge us. We will act as three," hisses The WIll.
*Will
In a split second, The Lord appears before The WIll, his axe cleaving through its billowing, black cloak.
*Will
Just like The WIll, a black puff of air drifts away from her body into the stars.
*Will
At the end of the Dark Path there are a lot of instances of incorrect capitalisation in The Willâs name, more than I have mentioned here.
How did you break through those magic wards!?!
Itâs pretty easy to see the code for any project on Dashingdon. All the files are accessible through webpages, you just need to find the correct filenames.