I haven’t even finished playing the demo yet but I’m really amazed by the attention to detail. And I am quite intrigued by the plot. High hopes for this one!
3 Likes
Whoa , so good. We’ll watch your career with great interest!
2 Likes
I was very intrigued by the information post itself! And the game is also that good!
Thoughts and errors
Like @Konoi said, the gender choice option feels a little off. I know we can’t have our own personality, but it’s like implying the society in the game believes girls like frills and boys don’t like them. I’m not bothered by it, since I know it’s just for giving options to choose gender along with the narration, but just that other players might find it difficult.
And as for the choices labelled “not available in the demo”, are they currently not available or does it mean only the final game will contain those routes?
Few errors I spotted:
Should be peeking
In this play-through I had chosen that MC is closer to the father, but I think even the sibling dialogue is appearing too.
I think the punctuation is wrong here, I couldn’t understand which part was dialogue and which part was narration. Or at last it took me a while to separate the two.
On the overall, eagerly looking forward for the rest of the game!
2 Likes
Will it be possible to become a nonster hunter and get really proficient in fighting the horrible things that now plague the world
1 Like
I’m glad you’re liking it this far!
About the gender choice option, I’ve been thinking how I could edit it since it sounds this much off. I hope to be able to update it soon 
The other two routes are currently not available and will not be available for a while, since I’m writing it one route at a time. I put there the “not available” label (as in some other places, like the online newspaper) just to let the reader know that they did nothing “wrong” to have the option greyed out, and that it’s just the way it is for now 
The errors:
- I didn’t spotted the misspelling, good catch!
- I’m aware of that error and honestly that scene has been troubling me for a while. I’m working on it!
- The punctuation is definitely wrong and I’ve no idea about what mess happened there.
Thank you for your help!
6 Likes
One of the routes is, in fact, about fighting the infection, but MC will not become a monster hunter.
3 Likes
Pretty interesting so far! My advice is to put spaces between your paragraphs and dialogue. It’s easier to read that way. Otherwise it makes everything look like one huge paragraph.
3 Likes
You’re totally right, and I’m working on it.
I have to say it’s a huge problem of mine. I’m an author of traditional novels in my native language, and even there the editor has to constantly break paragraphs in… shorter paragraphs. I’m sorry, it looks like I’m incapable of doing that in any language 
So in the future feel free to point out paragraphs that are far too long to be read comfortably!
11 Likes
Heey, like others said I really liked “before reading” choices. Glasses or hearing aids choice was also really cool.
When we are choosing a nickname, I think it would be nice to have some prewritten (?), generic choices. Also, it may be horribly nitpicky but maybe less exclamation marks? There were some sentences that ended with three of them. 
Overall I’m really excited to see what’s gonna come out of this, especially with other characters being autonomous and having a cellphone that can die really inconveniently 
Looking forward to updates!
3 Likes
Hey, thank you for your feedback —and welcome to the forum!
I didn’t think about writing some preset nicknames, that’s a good idea. Obviously, it can only work for generic nicknames or other names, and not for actual shorten versions of the chosen name (like Mick or Mike for Michael).
About the three exclamation marks, I think they’re seen only when MC has to leave his mother behind, and it’s always only in spoken dialogues/MC’s thoughts. Anyway, I’ll keep it in mind for the future
5 Likes
It’s totally fine, your writing is good! Should be a space between paragraphs and dialogue. Dialogue shouldn’t be part of paragraphs, they get their own lines. One person says something, space, next person talks. My advice would be to look at one of the games here when formatting.
2 Likes
Heh, the funny thing is that I’m an avid reader, but it’s way more difficult when I’m the one who has to format the text. I’ll try my best, though, and I’ve already edited a few paragraphs in the first chapter.
Thanks again for the tip!
2 Likes
that was very interesting! I liked the suspense in the story ^^
Also for the flirt options; can there be "bolder’ flirts? As of now, if I am interested in males, and Michael flirts with me, all the MC does is stammer and blush. I’d like to be able to flirt back.
1 Like
Hey, thank you!
As for now, no real flirting happened. Michael was really just interested in MC’s well-being. You will have a lot of time to flirt with your RO of choice… If they’ll stay alive, obviously 
5 Likes
I’m intrigued, can’t wait for more
1 Like
WIP updates this far:
- added the save system.
- added a list of preset names and surnames to choose from.
- added a list of preset short names and nicknames to choose from.
- now the gender selection should be less of a problem for non-cis people.
- added some changes to the settings —now you can turn on/off the portraits display.
- various sentences have been rephrased.
- various bug fixes.
Thanks everyone for your feedback!
12 Likes
Really interesting so far!
Did have one error while playing though, trying to select non-binary lead to this error:
prologue line 292: invalid indent, expected at least one ‘choice’
1 Like
Oops, my fault! Now it’s correctly working. Thank you.
1 Like
I really like the plot so far sounds pretty interesting, I haven’t tried out the game yet but I will afterwork. Good luck on your finally paper.
2 Likes
Looks like a fun start. Look forward to seeing what you’ll do with the setting. Some thoughts:
-
When is mental health dropped? It feels weird that, at the start of the game, seeing a man on fire (apparently) drops your mental health, but seeing your father, mother and older sibling die doesn’t. It’d be cool to see this traumatizing experience also reflected in the stats.
-
Question regarding lore: why don’t the zombies attack the shop you and Michael are in when they can attack your house perfectly fine? Did Michael set up certain protection at night? More explanation can be helpful.
Typos
Should be “Why’re you here?”
Extra space before comma. Also, I’d delete “then” because it’s redundant
Use single quotation (‘mad cow disease’) here because it’s a quote within a quote.
EDIT: Remove the space before the dash. Also, I’m not super familiar with this, but I think you should be using the em dash (—) instead of the en dash (-) here
Possibly style dependent, but I’ll capitalize the word “So” because it beings a new grammatical sentence.
3 Likes