Dusk and Dawn (WIP)

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You have failed, you have failed yourself, your mom/dad and your friends. It was your last chance to graduate, and you blew it. If only you had studied harder had done better. No one said college would be easy.

It was supposed to be an ordinary walk, one where you could ruminate in peace as you wallow in your own self-pity. Going off path was the first mistake, the second was failing to turn back when you had the chance.

What now? What direction will your life take? Is there even a chance to get back to college and if there was would you take it. Would you take the ordinary over this?

Dusk and Dawn is rated 18+ for explicit language, explicit sexual themes, drug and alcohol use, violence, morally questionable behaviour, and so much more. Dusk and Dawn is an urban fantasy type IF inspired by CYOA’S like slayer v4, gifted and supernatural detective. If you haven’t heard of this, I recommend that you do. They’re amazing.

FEATURES

  • Customize your MC (they whose life you will live) appearance, personality, and coping mechanisms. Will you be broken? How will you cope by being accepting in denial or dissociating
  • This is an urban fantasy type IF as the story progresses you will work on your character’s abilities as well as skills. Will you go down the path of a Knight, or bishop. Currently a work in progress.
  • Engage in fiery romances with an array of characters or not. The choice is yours.

Ros

Alexandrea/Alexander Ariti

Holier than thou attitude. Believes they are better than everyone else thus making them the best. The mental gymnastics it took to reach this conclusion is somewhat worrying. Has an ego so inflated it’s a surprise their head hast exploded yet. Sadly, is severely competent that bragging is just plain honesty to them. Considered a genius by many. Likes to pull up quotes from philosophies and other things. Actually, gives good advice if you can get over the condescending attitude.

Description: Tall with an athletic build, dark mahogany skin, with eyes the colour of honey. Their dark kinky hair is long currently worn in tribal braids inset with golden ornament and as an afro at the back. Forming a sort of lion’s mane. They prefer wearing simple long flowing clothes and they took the ROOK class route.

Blaise/Blanca Everest

An absolute motorcycle riding, shades-wearing, vodka drinking badass. Knows what they want, and lord help you if you stand between them and that. Collected to the point of coming of as standoffish and whilst also being a complete and utter jerk. Rumours about them sometimes spread. B could care less. Knows obscure rituals and can get difficult to find incidents through less savoury means. Don’t ask where b gets them, seriously don’t. A close friend to St. Dew.

Description: They are of average height and have a lean, solid build. Their skin is pale and covered in beauty marks, and their eyes are hazel-coloured. Their dark hair is ear-length and trimmed into a messy but stylish wolfcut. They prefer wearing dark colours with soft, loose tops.

Isra/Isran Dawnstar

Your local “plant mom” and geek will mansplain anything they love and are interested in. Is somewhat endearing since they usually talk about interesting topics. Also, can help you research very obscure myths and legends. Can talk for hours about gardening and alchemy. Grows their own alchemic ingredients. Wink An alchemical genius will brew amazing potions and philtres. Usually tests some of their more eccentric potions on themselves.

Description: Almost as tall as you, with an average build, I has a sharp jaw, high cheekbones and a hooked nose. Their eyes are sharp and narrowed, with black eyeliner used to highlight the green in them. Has a chemical burn atop their left hand from one of their first experiments. Straight dark hair that’s shoulder length.

Narrak/Narrah St.dew

An absolute darling, a literal gem. You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone that doesn’t like them. A fun-loving person who most definitely was a golden retriever in their past life. Can be a bit of an airhead. It’s not that N is dumb it’s just that they could care less unless something interests them. Though don’t worry they have a lot of interests. Loves anything and everything that involves outdoors, hiking camping, though more partial to rock climbing and surfing. Knows how to give piercings, usually re-pierces their own for…reasons. One of the only people to Everest their best friend.

Description: Average height, with an athletic build though leaning towards that of a runner, their skin is the colour of caramel, with a dusting of freckles across their nose and shoulders. Long curl dirty blonde hair sometimes though rarely worn in a bun.

Rowan/Rowana Barlow

If kindness could kill then they would be wanted in four different states. Though they may have killed a few with their ‘Bear hugs’. Even then the police would let them go with a slap to the wrist. Kind to a fault. Though R knows their limits. Won’t let anyone walk over you. Prefers to talk than to fight. Has vitiligo across their body.

Description : Taller than average with a bigger build, patches of their hazelnut skin is a light pink tone. Vitiligo is most prominent on their head and face with a large section of the eye, forehead and hair affected by it. A patch of their ebon hair has lost its pigmentation as well as their left eyelash. Their eyes are dark blue.

Torek/Toren Metheka

Everyone knows about them. But is there anybody who actually knows them? Versed in both magic and fighting. They are the main reason why half of the recruits joined the Great Hunt. Tales of their prowess and skill border on legends. Is mysterious. Origins are unknown…to the general public.

Description: Tall solid thick build with broad shoulders and shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair. Their hands are large and calloused. Their storm-grey eyes stern.

Special romance route: There is a poly route but let’s save that for later.

Your choices will have consequences remember that.

89 Likes

What is the Knight and Bishop path?

3 Likes

Congrats on starting your WiP. I gave it a playthrough, got some bug reports and feedback for you.

Bugs

1.) Trying to go into relationship status in the stats screen gives you

choicescript_stats line 145: Non-existent variable 'flirtatious'

2.) When you choose whether it’s your mom or dad on the phone, choosing Mom still sets all the variables to Dad. Which is strange, because it looks fine in your code to me. I honestly couldn’t tell you how to fix it, but then I’m not a ChoiceScript expert.

For general feedback, I think you ought to open up the story in your preferred text editor and give it another once-over. There’s a lot of small errors: punctuation, pronouns, etc. If you’re like me and your eyes tend to glaze over your own mistakes, maybe get a friend to read over it for you and edit as they point things out.

As for characters and romance, thank you for putting in an option to not be interested—some IFs still don’t do that. That said, the “(no romance)” part of the option makes me wonder if that choice will be the one chance to onboard to someone’s romance route. Plenty of folks aren’t going to be willing to lock in a romance or even flirt this early into the story; I hope there are multiple chances to start characters’ routes. I’m interested to see more of the trio we’ve met so far (in particular, I’m curious to see how B and N can stand each other) as well as the ones we haven’t met yet.

The plot so far intrigues me: I want to see what’s up with PCs magic/blood. I do also like how you get some hints/foreshadowing if you go for the “bad-end”.

Overall, this is a work I’m keeping my eye on. I’d like to see you keep going.

2 Likes

-Still your strength and stubbornness in the face of great odds is admirable. May it serve you well if you love past this night.-

That should be live.

Before the words leave your mouth, a stranger walks into the room. hers long brown hair is tied back in a messy bun. They’re tall, their collar bones visible through the light shirt she wears. Storm-grey eyes sweep the room, stopping on you before seeing the pacing woman. The woman stops the moment, those storm grey eyes land on them.

Should be a capitalized and singular Her there.

**White scars covered much of her exposed skin. Some are large, some small others confuse you. You think you see teeth marks across one of her biceps. In their large her hands is a tray laden with snacks. Your stomach grumbles. They smile and you notice a their left incisor is chipped. Setting the tray on the nightstand to your right. She signals for you to sit. Which you do, though you’re not sure why. Their presence reminds you of a pillar. Stable and reliable.

One word, one question. Thats all she said. Yet it conveyed so much. Strong, husky and rich. Their voice is not authoritative, that would be too demanding…too rigid. No she’s used to giving commands you think. Their voice is one you know to be reliable.

They point to the tray, your mouth waters at the idea of eating food. There is a hunger in you a deep one that you didn’t notice up until now. There’s a little bit of everything. Slices of toasted sourdough, fresh mangoes with passion fruit pulp poured over them, waffles with syrup a comically melted piece of butter in its centre and crepes filled with fruity jam and cream.

Should be a capitalized and singular Her there.

Gender mismatches, and some of them are extra words to boot.

The question catches you off-guard. Before you can answer another stranger walks into the room. She’s body is lean, skin pale with a hefty sprinkling of beauty spots along their arms. That disappears into her white short-sleeved shirt. Their dark hair is unkempt and reaches just below her ears. A single black earring sits on her left lobe. Nonchalantly the scan she scans the room, her green eyes stopping in your direction.

Her body, her dark haur, Nonchalantly she scans…

**Her cool gaze focuses on you, a smile creeps along her pink lips. A smile so vicious and dripping with desire that you know many have fallen victim. Hells you might be falling victim to it. Slow predatory steps bring them ever closer. You’re entrapped as they reach out. her crimson-painted nails reach towards you. Before veering away at the last moment, swiping a mango from your plate. They turn away and crash against the comfortable looking sofa the talkative one from before sat on. She throws her legs over the talkative one. Leaning back she enjoying the stolen mango. She throws you a knowing smirk before going back to completely ignoring you.

You catch their eye on the rare occasion she looks away from your plate. Nudging the plate towards them. They practically jump at it. Of course not before throwing you a grateful nod. They try everything finishing what you didn’t. Every time she tries something he hums with pleasure. It seems you aren’t the only one who enjoyed the meal. In seconds you’re down to one last slice of mango. she reaches for it before looking to you and shaking her and returning to the sofa.

Should be “her head and” there.

“Before you start asking questions, why not around of introductions”

A round of introductions rather.

Those names, you know those names. Blanca puts a hand under their shirt. Absently scratching at an itch. Freckles dust their toned gut, intricate tattoos dot their ivory skin. You weren’t paying attention to it. On their wrist is a silver bracelet. The polished metal gleams in the light.

“Before you jump to conclusions. At least hear them out.” Toren says

It takes Narrah a moment to collect themselves.

Herself.

“Wait aren’t you never asked for my name**?**”

You either want this to be a question “You never asked my name?” or a statement “You never asked my name.”

She flicks his wrist, something is sent flying in your direction. Toren catches it without turning her back. Though he throws an irritated glance at the hooligan.

And then I got a game ending bug when I tried to check relationship status.

3 Likes

Godd beginning, I really like the characters :smiley:
A small error: when I choose mom’s call it says dad called MC.

3 Likes

Aside than few typo this is a strong start already not many choice game start with being chased and tumbling down the cliff like ragdoll. :grin:

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Thank you soo much for taking your time and highlighting the issue. You’ve made my life easier I’ll work on them ASAP!:pray:t6:

3 Likes

Thanks for the review and highlighting the bugs. What was the error message and I’ll get to fixing that!

I was generally thinking of keep the romance open. You could always opt out, or even skip the romance and keep things platonic. Both routes would be rewarding in my opinion.

1 Like

I have no idea what your talking about…wink

1 Like

This is a rather small thing but I’d appreciate it if you add an option to not peek when Blanca was Undressing, atleast not until the MC hears the howl

3 Likes

As a man of the poeple your wish is my command. I’ll add it in the next update :saluting_face:

Same one Shokatsu had already reported, in hindsight I should have done a better job expressing that, my apologies.

1 Like

I’ve made the corrections you’ve suggested! Still working on the grammar though.

2 Likes

Done you should be able to view it…I think.

I’ve updated it now you can avoid looking all together!

All done have a look and tell me if it works!

Well good news and bad news.

You fixed the error, it’s now a new error.

choicescript_stats line 154: invalid ${} variable substitution at letter 19

3 Likes

Bless. Where would I be without you <3

1 Like

Just started but I can’t check stats :frowning:
choicescript_stats line 6: Non-existent variable ‘pc_surname’

1 Like