Accident Hero (WIP)

Good idea, will definitely take this into consideration, thanks

7 Likes

If you want @coal8 you could use my code for an example for customization…
If anyone else needs it just DM me for permission- :grin:

(forgot to mention, def put it in stats)

*Choice
        #You have Blue eyes..You got them from your Mother, she told you that she could swim in them.
          *set eyecolor "Blue"
          *goto skin
        #You have Hazel eyes..your Mother, told you she plant a flower with them
          *set eyecolor "Hazel "        
          *goto skin
        #You have Green eyes..your Mother, told you she could take an emerald for your eye.
          *set eyecolor "Green"
          *goto skin
        #You have Grey eyes, your mother told you the storms reflected in your eyes.
          *set eyecolor "Grey"
          *goto skin
        #You have Brown eyes, your mother told you she would make a chocolate cake for you anytime.
          *set eyecolor "Brown"
          *goto skin

*page_break Skin

*label skin
Look in the mirror and your skin... 
*choice
        #You have pale skin..You got it from your Mother.
          *set skin "Pale"
          *goto hair
        #You have tan/olive skin..You got it from your Mother.
          *set skin "Olive"
          *goto  hair
        #You have light brown skin..You got it from your Mother.
          *set skin "Light brown"
          *goto hair
        #You have dark brown skin, You got it from your Mother.
          *set skin "Dark brown"
          *goto hair
        #You have fair skin, You got it from your Mother.
          *set skin "Fair"
          *goto hair

*page_break Hair

*label hair
Your hair color you got from your mom was...

*choice
    #Your hair color is Blonde. (All Shades)
      *goto hairtexture
    #Your hair color is Brown. (All shades) 
      *goto hairtexture
    #Your hair color is Auburn. (All shades) 
      *goto hairtexture
    #Your hair color is Black. (All shades) 
      *goto hairtexture

*label hairtexture

Your hair texture is...

*fake_choice
   #Curly, Your curly hair was given by your father.
     *goto clothes
   #Wavy, Your wavy hair was given by your father.
     *goto clothes
   #Straight, Your straight hair was given by your father.
     *goto clothes
   #DreadLocks, Your Dreadlocks were given by your hairstylist.
      *goto clothes
   #Box Braids, Your Box Braids were given by your Hairstylist.
      *goto clothes
   #Twist, Your twist was given by your Hairsylist.
      *goto clothes

*page_break clothes style

*label clothes
What is your style in clothes?
*choice
        #Casual, anything goes on as long as it's clean.
           *set style "Casual"
          *goto gender
        #Goth, you like grunge what can you say?
           *set style "Goth"
          *goto gender
        #Fashion, you always had an eye for clothes
           *set style "Fashionista"
          *goto gender
        #Bold, revealing clothes are your kind...
           *set style "Bold"
          *goto gender
        #Unique, you've always had a mysterious kind of style
           *set style "Unique"
          *goto gender
        #Streetwear, you had something for graphic t-shirts and cargo pants..
           *set style "Streetwear"
          *goto gender
6 Likes

ended up doing a slight mistake but the link should be fixed and working now

5 Likes

Wow! That person is not lying when they said you won’t have to read twice to understand what’s going on. You really have a way with words which makes it easy to understand without sounding too simple or complex. Very well done!

2 Likes

I must figure out how to control the alter ego

Must become hero

1 Like

Is the “AlterEgo Control” stat you’re control over the AlterEgo or is it it’s control over you?

your control over it

1 Like

w idea

I wanna be king from one punch man but I also wanna be a harem king🗿.

3 Likes

Love the short demo btw Tiger was a guy here


H

1 Like

glad you liked it and that was actually my bad as you see after “She looks pale and weak” You decide to visit psyche next, works both ways as in if you decide to visit psyche first, my fault for not making the transition seamless working on that for the next update as well as rewriting a few other things(where the demo currently ends off is going to be rewritten)

3 Likes

This gives both King from one punch with temp-v from the boys in a very interesting and unique way

1 Like

Wowwwww, update took awhile, much longer than I expected to be honest

Thanks @kizzygm, for the idea of having a slight appearance change when your alterego takes control, very nice, and thanks @love4tae, for the idea of having more details with the character customization, though I like it I don’t think I will implement, thank you for sharing though and who knows maybe in a future wip???

Also thanks @lurking for helping with code, if I could I would give you kisses rn

And finally thank you all for the feedback.

Also kizzy hope you don’t mind me adding you to the game even if I didn’t mention you directly just got the idea along with my other budget jokes :sunglasses:

With what is in the game so far how do you feel about the pacing of the story?
  • It’s too fast; I wish you would slow down.
  • It’s well-paced; the flow feels right.
  • It’s slow-paced; I wish things would move quicker.
0 voters
More comedy, and slice of lifeness in chapter 2? Maybe? Not “too” much but you know
  • Yay
  • Nah
0 voters
Important

I’m not able to see all errors/bugs before updating since I can’t run quickest and randomtest(I’m using the web version of choice script as I don’t have a pc), if anyone has a workaround or a alternative please let me know.

Although I play the story over and over for bugs might slowly become impossible and inefficient as the story gets bigger.(Doesn’t help that I’ve been getting frustrated at the simplest things and missing the most noticeable errors aswel, if lurking didn’t help me I might have lost it :skull_and_crossbones: )

But I’m satisfied with the end result of what I’ve written.

Random Yapping

I’ve had this in my drafts WAYYYYYY to long :skull:

Also don’t know if I should mention this or not but romance… …right yeah I’m I’ll try my best.

Basically gave you guys a Christmas gift though, so your welcome :santa: (this was supposed to come out the 25th)

Might add more choices in the future to make everything more diverse but for now I think it’s fine, right? I would hope so (⁠・⁠–⁠・⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ

While you’re waiting you should definitely check out these Unsupervised - You were a sidekick. Now, you kick ass & Ordinary People

Also send or tell me what your personality/realationship stats looked(the one on the main stats screen) when you reach the end of the current demo, either through dm or here, thanks.

8 Likes

You resist the pain in your head and the voices. You release Razor’s body from your grip and watch him fall to the ground.

Moving towards your communication piece, you say, “Adam here, I’ve subdued Razor. He’s alive, and he cannot fight. Mission Complete.”

Her voice comes through the communication device, sounding impressed. “Wow, you guys actually managed to keep him alive… good job…uh uh… I’ll call in a team from the agency to extract him, stay put.”

You nod, and you feel relieved. You hear the voice say, “Weak… weak… weak…” as it falls silent.

You barely have time to process what just happened when a voice cuts through the silence, coming from your communication device now on the floor. It’s the female agent.

“What’s going on inside? I’m hearing alot of noise.”

You release Razor’s body from your grip and watch him fall to the ground.

You go to the communication piece, and you say, “Adam here, I’ve got Razor. He’s dead. Unfortunately, he put up a harder fight than we expected.”

So a bug where I release Razor alive, and then I release him dead.

Heya!! Not sure if you’re aware but, I think Only the Polite and Blunt stat is working, the other ones aren’t seeming to move at all.

thanks, I will look into it

Edit: fixed

that’s weird, I will look into that aswel

Edit: fixed

1 Like
Critiques!

How about “No!” MC gets knocked out, and Faker McLoserface takes over anyway as planned? MC’s consent in the matter doesn’t actually matter to that thing at this point, so my MC definitely feels -100 Respect for it.


On the topic of consent, there is also a lot of unwanted grabbiness on the part of other characters toward the MC. From being abruptly grabbed then dragged toward dinner by Veronica, to Tiger just assuming pulling MC to the sparring ring was okay, to even Dr. Lee (more in a professional capacity, I do acknowledge) laying hands on him while he’s already wound up, and doesn’t want to be pestered anymore by people messing with him. Unfortunately for Dr. Lee, my MC was finally able to sharply tell someone to back off of touching him.

Specifically in her case, I do feel a little bad, but the quick pacing of the story caused that resentment to pile up very fast. :sweat_smile:

Veronica did not need to grab the MC to just gesture for MC to follow. Tiger being Tiger is fine-ish…because MC’s not exactly being listened to about being a non-powered ordinary person. It makes a bit of sense to have to really tell her off for not even giving them a chance to refuse before barreling on.


Back to the point in the story where the screenshot takes place. The only point of ‘urgency’ with Veronica’s position is that she’s being dragged into the conflict to spur MC into action, which feels a tad artificial this soon into the story given we (the readers) have all of one interaction scene that establishes her supposed friendship to MC that enabled her to be a valid option for a roommate, but the connection doesn’t really have weight this soon into the story.

It’s why I voted that the pacing is too quick, even though some aspects of your presentation aren’t necessarily overly fast paced, there’s plenty of gaps that just have nothing to support a state of urgency you want your readers to keep up with less than 2 chapters in. :confused:


As for why I called the rude being Fake, well, full disclosure; I strongly considered a “name” with some variation of the word ‘poo’ in it, but as we see with it approving of the word Fake, it doesn’t actually have the ability to refuse being named rude/curse words, and it would take too much effort to document a ‘word recognition’ list for rejected options. For this reason, I recommend not giving the option to name them a custom name, and just choosing from the list randomly when the input field option is used. Keep the text entry field option, but have it automatically rejected after it is filled out since the chance of it being filled out with something rude is rather high under the circumstances. :sweat_smile:

They don’t respect MC, so MC will offer no respect in return. :angry:

Just feeling a little spicy. You could say that this is a good thing, because it means your story is leaving an impression, but it is also important to decide for yourself if my, or other critiques, have something worth considering to them. Either way, this isn’t a bad WIP, and nothing I have to say should ever imply it. :slightly_smiling_face:

2 Likes

Thanks for giving your feedback, much needed

I understand your frustration with the MC’s lack of consent and agency in some situations.

Going forward, I will try to balance the interactions better and give the MC more choices and opportunities to express themselves.

I also semi-agree that the pacing is too quick and the urgency is not well established. Guess it was my fault for trying to hook the readers with a tad bit too much action, and sarcficing character development and world building and considering you just met Veronica once maybe during the dinner scene, if you have dinner with her I could add, like you all have a conservation on something to further your connection to her. Although another reason your mc would spring into action is because Veronica is the only person who knows your mc secret of not being a hero, and just became one by accident, but like I said I’ll add something during the dinner so you could further your connection with her, whether that being friendly, romantic or not at all..

As for the naming, I wanted to give you all some freedom and creativity, but I see what you mean :rofl: I like your suggestion of having the name from the text entry field be rejected. I will implement that in the next update.

3 Likes

I love our Alter Ego, I named him Ennui; because when he takes over and kills people my MC feels nothing.

I noticed that He’s set as being Sarcastic- due to all of his dialogue and options being snarky/playful in nature which at first turned me off a little. But then I realized that it’s the exact opposite of what my MC is, so it actually fits quite well for an Alter Ego.

5 Likes

I dont mind at all :sunglasses::grin:

1 Like