(12/5 UPDATE/REWRITTEN) Agents of Lucifer: Book 1 (WIP)

FH is pretty damn good, I agree. Haven’t gotten the full sequel yet- and I hold Mind Blind in high praise, too, just to name a couple.

May I ask how I could emphasize the damage? I really don’t want MC to seem like a damsel. :thinking: I could make the fight last a little longer after than inital rescue… It wouldn’t throw too much off, even if MC still passes out.

The end chapters have, probably by comparison, more action than everything before it. :thinking::thinking::thinking::thinking: Hm.

@Queen_Zelda Thank you! I know its impossible to satisfy everyone and I certainly won’t try to for that reason. I have the time to make adjustments and addtions, I just wanna take advantage of that while I can!

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Are you/your hands okay? I’ve not been on the thread in a couple of days, is everything alright?

I’m fine, thank you! They’ve just been cramping a lot this past week or so. I’ve had to work slower than I already do because of it :unamused_face:

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You probably should give your hands a break for a while. You’ve been putting out new chapters like they’re hot pancakes

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Don’t worry! The most I tried today was draw, which didn’t bother my hands so much, actually. I decided today would be for minimal/low-effort writing. So I’ve been using it see about changing some things, like the fight in 17.

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Yeah I hope you have plenty of rest, I got some light RSI on my right hand a few years ago and now use two mouses so I can take the load off my right hand, take care of yourself.

Also for the fight scenes overall make it longer, let the MC fight a bunch of gargoyles, takes 1, 2 or 3 down, lots of hits and pain and then loses, that makes more sense. Fighting just one and losing in a page in a small paragraph is super weak, even with a broken arm. The fight paragraph was way too short. For a minor edit that should work.

For a more major edit let the MC get ambushed alone and desperately fight off multiple gargoyles, beating a few like an actual deadly ex hunter with the title God Hunter but getting overwhelmed due to fatigue, a concussion and a broken arm. Then they get rescued perhaps, this will show a more intense fight scene and despite losing will still show the other characters how deadly and dangerous the MC is when a wounded human can take out 2 or 3 gargoyles in an unfair ambushed fight.

Whiskey Four and FH does fight scenes very well, the MCs are able to dish out damage and takes down lots of people but also gets hit and gets severely damaged in the process.

No, I totally get it. This is sparking some ideas actually. :smiling_face_with_horns: Operation: Make MC More Badass, Go!

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CH17 is on the way! Also…a little… PSA, so to speak. (Please read the warning first!)

(As Posted on Tumblr)

WARNING: Difficult topic mentioned below. Ending one’s own life mentioned, but NOT described in ANY vivid detail.

This chapter, toward the end, comes with a choice that very briefly talks about ending one’s life. I do mention this in the content warnings, but for those who don’t look at that, I’m making this post. I will mention it again when I make another post upon uploading.

I’m almost done, however, with this chapter. I hope this doesn’t make me look sloppy, to have done such a significant rewrite. But if it does, I don’t blame ya’ll. I’d probably think the same from your perspective.

I already planned to rewrite the ending some, because I wasn’t totally happy with the “final fight” but now… I think it’s gonna work. Mhm.

And here’s a little amusing bonus. A friend of mine was reading and just made me chuckle. They also find a lot of mistakes that have been missed orz

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CH17 is out!

(As Posted on Tumblr)

I think I got everything? Idek why I bother saying this when, 9/10, I’ve put in the wrong bracket or missed a pronoun or something :')

ANYHOW! This chapter is a touch lengthy, at least I think so. It has more choices, more fighting, more context to future events. So weee. However, as a warning as mentioned before, it does have a BRIEF and passing mention of MC possibly having had thoughts of ending their own life. While it’s of course optional, I’m warning ya’ll anyway. So, if you wanna give it a whirl, point out mistakes and errors I missed, click here! I did fix a couple in CH3 that my friend pointed out.

Yall better flood my inbox- I’m kidding.

But, as before, this remains THE FINAL SOLO CHAPTER to be uploaded. Everything else will be uploaded all at once. Meaning it’ll be some time before the final update. In the meantime, I’ll be reviving my Patreon, working on other projects in preparation however possible, finishing the last chapters, and maybe dabble in Book 2 here and there.

Edit: Link updated since I just found out CoGDemo changed their links.

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I skipped to ch17.

I’ll try.

The branches jutting out from the trunks. The swirls and jagged lines of tree bark. Thick chilled fog dampening my skin and clothes.. A twig digs into the underside of my thigh. From somewhere, I heard a bird flap its wings.

This is past tense. Consider changing it for consistency with the rest of the paragraph.

“Circumstances aside, I guess I appreciate you helping,” I said to his back, a dark speckled grey made black in the poor light. “What was your name?”

“Rosamund,” he answers plainly. “Just Rosamund.”

Probably use say and answers to keep both in present tense?

All eyes watch me kneel. Putting the bloodknife between my teeth, I pick up the branch and snap it over my knee. They watch me hold it under my forearm after taking off my belt. With a nice hard tug, gritting my teeth into the knife, I secure the branch to my broken arm.

Were you able to make a splint from a single belt?

We can’t fight forever. I don’t want to fight forever! If I can tire them out, keep distance… Do Gargoyle get tired?

Plural?

Min-Jun almost tugs on my arm he keeps around his neck, as though he stopped $[m_him}self from holding me closer.

Typo.

Good luck.

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You know, it still bothers me how the question about the television when searching the house is treated so flippantly. If there’s not television, that could indicate that entertainment is streamed, which indicates that there’s a phone or a computer. Which may have information on it relating to the case. It would or could be very important to locate those devices. It’s not a frivolous question.

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Understandable. I can see about adding this where possible so it’s at least mentioned. It honestly didn’t occur to me. Either because it simply didn’t or my mind was thinking at the time that he didn’t watch any sort of TV. :thinking::woman_shrugging:

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:see_no_evil_monkey: I’m sorry for the lack of any updates here-

(Also posting so the thread isn’t locked before I forget)

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Read this, please!

(As Posted on Tumblr)

So, due to my silence and lack of updates of any kind, be it for the WIP, Patreon, or even other projects, I’ll be releasing Chapter 18, instead of waiting to have all chapters finished and out there.

Consider it a thank you, for your patience, as any of you could’ve easily invaded my inbox and been like, “Bro, wth, get over yourself, just write”. It’s also a thank you to those who gave me words of support :sob:

I’m so sorry for how slow and inconsistent I am.

I don’t know when I’ll upload this, just because I’m also working on several projects simultaneously (trying to anyway)! But in the near future, for sure! :heart:

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So excited! and don’t you worry about a thing, writing is difficult and takes a lot of time and work, so I hope you are takin care of yourself first, I love your story and will wait patiently for any updates!

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You do you…while I love your story your personnel health is waaaaayyy more important than me…trust me Im sure we all have plenty of stuff to keep us busy…Keep up the great work and take care of your self :slight_smile:

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OMG, its so good, just take my money when its finally published, rooting for the day I finally read the whole story, repayable value high. Keep up the good work.

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Chapter 18 is now up!

(As Posted on Tumblr)

Mhm. I finished it. Weeee. No, but seriously, as usual, PLEASE tell me of any and all errors. Be it coding errors, grammar, spelling, etc. I ALMOST split this one in half. I had to talk myself out of it because it isn’t THAT long. It just feels like it is when seeing everything like that.

As always, here’s the link! I hope it was worth the wait. Especially as this will be the final upload until I’ve finished what’s left!

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vibrates excitedly

As Posted on Tumblr

Chapter 19 is drafted! And so is 20, as well as the epilogue! 20 is super short, just think of it as a pre-prologue lmao. :sparkles:

It was really nice writing on paper, ya’ll. Now, I can’t type this up yet, because my laptop is currently being fixed. I mean, I can, but I’d have to download everything and I transfer files and I just don’t feel like doing that, if Imma be honest.

So I’m using this as an opportunity to try writing other things in hopes of having a different WIP to work on before going to Book 2. Which might even have its own rewrites, depending how I wanna do things. Which is fine! I expect it, since the first draft is to get everything out there and help figure out the mood and all that.
:face_with_hand_over_mouth:
Although now I legit have to put things on Patreon again. Ya’ll. I’m scared. It intimidates me. Buuut at least I have a lot I can post. I mean, just the scrapped stuff alone is 10+ years of content it feels like :joy:.

I’ll definitely need to make sure to update the content warnings before I upload because of what happens within the epilogue. I might even put one at the start of it. I know it can take people out but due to it’s nature, I think it might be best to take that risk just so it’s clear what’s to come and for those who need it, have time to prepare themselves. It isn’t insanely graphic, I promise. But it’s heavy material on its own. I don’t think it would warrant an adult rating. :thinking: I hope.

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At the end of chapter 15 Anya has somehow transformed into Eugenia:

Summary

Anya’s hands freeze in the air. Her eyes flash wide before she breathes a laugh so soft it’d be easy to miss. “This is a first.”

“No one’s done this for you?” I keep my eyes trained on my hands as I work, feeling her stare.

“No. Not for some time, at least. Not since I first learned.” Her hands fall to her sides.

I pat down my handiwork and smooth it against her. The motion makes her go still. I had done it so automatically that I didn’t realize what I was doing until after the fact. I retract my hands like I’d been caught, and before either of us could say anything, several rapid-fire knocks bang on my front door. Instinct slams my defenses into place. There’s about fifteen different things I can readily use as weapons around me if my knife isn’t an option.

“Richard! I know you’re home! I met your cartoon-princess-come-to-life of a girlfriend yesterday and she made me promise to wait until the morning to see you!”

Until Jace’s muffled voice breaks through, that is.

Eugenia slumps into the couch, groaning.

Jace continues knocking. And crying my name. At this rate, he might bust my door off the hinges. I stride for it, having it unlocked in seconds. “Okay, stop— oof!”

He throws his arms around my neck. His arm strength is stronger than I’d expected! “Ugh! She had me spooked!” Jace squeezes until I’m practically in a modified chokehold

Summary

The taps to his back are practically slaps. “Whoops!” Thankfully, he doesn’t try to hug any longer, and he draws back his arms. “Blame her for my death hug!” He points a sharp accusatory finger at Eugenia slumped on my couch. “It’s her fault!”

“How?” I wheeze, still catching my breath.

“I told you. Your girlfriend made me promise to wait until the morning to see you. All she said was ‘he doesn’t feel well’.” He does a terrible impression of her voice, his hands on him hips.

He’s getting far too worked up over this… “Jace,” I sigh his name, “she isn’t anything like that to me. She’s just a coworker who I’ve barely known for a week, at most.”

“Oh.” Jace bites his bottom lip, the irritated furrow in his brow turning into confusion. “Sure. Okay, then, why is she here? If she’s ‘just a coworker’?”

From the couch, Eugenia says, sounding utterly bored, “Your bagel is burning.”

I shrug when he glances at me. He spins toward his door. Then Jace gasps out an “oh shit!”, rushes inside, and slams the door. He certainly seems better since we spoke last.

Summary

Eugenia waits until I’ve closed the door before saying, “Is he always like that?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re neighbors.”

“He just happens to be a… very friendly one.”

She tosses up her eyebrows as if to say, “Yeah, no shit,” while leaning to one side, digging into a back pocket for her phone.

As it comes into the open, I hear its strong sequential vibrations. Eugenia unlocks her screen. Her eyes read something over that causes her to frown.

I come to the edge of my coffee table, closer to her. “What?”

“It’s from Min-Ji.” Eugenia looks up at me. The light of her phone below creates sharp shadows, warping the structure of her face. “Ulysses is agency custody. He said Clyde tried to kill him.”

In ch16 it’s Anya again.

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