(WIP) Halls of Sorcery [80k words]

I’m really glad you still found it enjoyable overall. I totally get what you’re saying about the pacing feeling a bit rushed. And yeah, about the previous archmage… I might’ve made him a tad too easy to deal with. Guess I’ll have to buff him up a bit for the next update.

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This seems good​:heart_eyes: however it would have been wise to be able to save your progress…:cry:I just lost everything and I have to start from scratch…:sob:

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Seems fun but I’m definitely with @Talyrion that the rhythm was iffy. There were times the story goes from past tense to present tense in the same sentence / page. Like with the time skips in chapter 2 and 3 at the magic school. Spacing those out would help a ton I think.

Here’s a few of my thoughts btw, it’s stupid late at night so sorry if they’re a bit all over the place :sweat_smile:

Summary

Chapter 0

  • Gender select might need pronouns added in brackets e.g. (him) (her) in case a reader doesn’t know what lass or lad are.
  • Gender neutral option shouldn’t have “a” before little
  • “casting a warm glow over the village” don’t think this bit fits? not sure how to explain it. I think it reads better without this bit.
  • Why is your name decided when you look in the mirror? You’ve just spoken to your father, might it be better if you picked a name then? and then he would say it in dialogue.
  • Character creation works but it feels like a lot of choices without much text to read between… maybe move outfit to when you wake up the next morning? could fit it in a passage about you getting dressed.

Chapter 1 & 2

  • " And now, at long last, you’ve arrived. Here you stand, in front of the college of magic. " The here you stand line, idk it doesn’t gel when I read it? maybe it’s the change in tense? or too many commas?
  • " two soldiers stepped forward and brought you to a stop" should be ‘step forwards’, and ‘bring you’
  • It’d be nice to get to know the others before you pick who to train with. All I have to go off at this point is a description and a picture.
  • Bit odd we go out to find a familiar without any warning. I don’t remember seeing anything about familiars before, Gwydion and Henry don’t have ones do they?

Chapter 3

  • Do evil characters turn the mechanism and trap themselves in with the spider too? I’d love to tell another character to crank the door open for me
  • We can already confess our love to a character? I feel like I’ve only just met them

Other

  • ⦁ Maybe show the character’s age in the stat screen?
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Thanks for all this! Got a lot to chew on with your notes, but that’s awesome. It’s super helpful.

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Are you gonna add the save system?!?

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@Saba_Tchanturia there are lots of times names mixed up but that aside.

In Healing route, MC uses barrier to save Ari from getting decapitated but the Epilogue still shows it as him being dead. I guess you didn’t write a different scenario for that.

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I did write a different scenario for that situation. It seems like there might be a bug in the code. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

As for save system, I am still learning how to do that.

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Go to your game’s dashboard in dashingdon, and click Edit Details. Check the box next to Use CJW’s smPluginMenuAddon?. There’s a link next to it which tells you the code you need to add to your startup.txt file for this to work.

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I’ve done it now. Really appreciate your help with this!

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pretty good

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Thanks!

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Just a heads up, it currently says “Error: Bad Slot - Has smPlugin been included?”

Sadly, I’m dumb and can’t help myself. But I found this:

edit: they’re fixed

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