I adore this concept and how it unfolds The prologue is immersive and oppressive. The isolation is well done and keenly felt when interacting with the world outside of the Divine Flock.
YES for getting to play a devout youngster in a cult who gets to discover how others see them little by little. Who defends his beliefs at first, and who’s slow to be shaken from it despite being marred by the bigotry of the cult, and his own emotions and orientation being seen as sinful. To make his perspective and experience relatable and believable. You don’t ‘just’ leave a cult. It’s a a highly complex situation to navigate and for the most part, I feel that reflected in the wip.
I was pleasantly surprised that it takes place in modern day, technology wise. Adds a whole new layer to how they are perceived in the world (and that this is not immediately apparent as well) and an alternative Germany/Bavaria with a history in France since there are few IFs set in Europe, alternative or no.
The German is not a problem for me, I understand about 80% of it, but I’m curious how it is for those that do not know any German at all (if there is a version with English translations underneath, I may have missed that) It may add to the feeling of mystery, but may also alienate if not understood but I’m sure other people have commented on this (as well as potentially everything else)
Fuchsia and Chase feel rather young (understandable but they’re working for prestigious organizations?) and for their roles, they do not feel that competent/careful/informed. Their long talks at night don’t feel dangerous as if they’re about to be discovered. They speak like they have all the time in the world (a bit too much exposition maybe, and a bit too much certainty in staying hidden)
Though I love the idea of Chase being a temptation of ‘sin’ for my mc, I don’t like him that much as a person yet. He comes on incredibly strong all the time (which feels a bit fake) which my mc does not appreciate (but I also want to keep the romance option open as something that smolders under the skin) I feel like I’m made to care for him too early while he has too little introspection about mc, though I appreciate my character can remain composed while not being unaffected and can be standoffish while keeping the romance path open.
After Chris and Klara’s death Chase is rightfully angered at mc’s inability to see it for what it is rather than the result of rules imposed by a cult, but I also hope that I can play a route where this shatters mc’s trust in Chase thus far (mc is dealing with his own conflicting emotions and well, brainwashing) and I’d like for Chase also to have to earn it back, rather than just the other way around (which is an expectation but not something I encountered yet)
As a sidenote, I kind of missed Chase’s shock at MC’s scars. Given it’s dark in the scene, but I thought there would be a more meaningful moment for it. The gilded scars are a cool touch though! (as well as the story behind it itself)
This may seem rather critical, but it’s one of my most anticipated WIP’s! I’m really looking forward to its development! Good luck!
Just realized what “[NO]” on the screen before means. Apologies for the previous pointless bug report
