Got this when picking ice skating, I’d this the end of the demo?
Also
It should be “where life will lead you”
Good morning, read the rewrite enjoying it so far but notice a bug when choosing raven as my Volery as a female it acted as if I had chosen swan on some pages, also happens with the sparrows (gardeners).
This has changed by now, I forgot to update it here.
I am trying to keep their numbers down lol! Glad you like her though!
Nope it goes further, I fixed this bug!
Thanks!
That shouldnt happen, could you show some examples? I found one instance and fixed that.
1 Like
Can’t go back to that part now, hit save instead of load, but I noticed it when comparing my uniform to the 2 sisters in your wing, as it asks if I was the nightingale or the morning one
Will check it out, thank you!
About the Swan issue, I noticed that no matter which volery you pick whether it’s Doves, Owls or Peacocks once you select to lock it in it immediately treats it as if you selected Swans which is certainly one way to recruit people 
Also I get the following error when I tried the Eagles. bugs aside, I’m interested to see all the new things that have been added
Restarted again and theres still the same bug when picking ice skating and can’t go further, also when picking the volery it went straight into it like you originally picked swan and then had the option to change it after choosing dusk or dawn wing (sorry didn’t take a picture of it)
Swans shanghaiing, we cant have that here
But I really hope the problem is fixed now (the other problem should be solved as well since its tied to the volery as well), I changed the code a bit!
2 Likes
No.
It should go further.
Will check it out, thanks for spotting that, I thought I finally resolved this damn bug.
Edit: This bug (another one than I thought it was) shouldnt happen. Like at all. Idk why it does, maybe it has sth do with your browser? Sometimes the game has a hiccup on certain browsers because of the cache and cookies.
Okay trying to recreate this bug didnt work and since no one else reported something, I am assuming it got resolved!
This is the Patreon content (a snippet, the demo will be public end of the month), in case any of you arent on my tumblr!
The short snippets like these will also be written in the game at points where they fit!
What winter in the Divine Flock looks like!
Summary
The snow dusts the temple, covering the roofs and the people of Kronschwinge hurry from their homes to the well known familiarity of the giant temple. Brushing the falling snow from their coats.
They are silent, slowly walking up the stairs and a few kids look up at the tall columns that hold the eaves and give the whole front the reminiscence of an ancient temple. Clashing with the spiralling towers resembling old gothic churches. A well known clash of historical eras in the whole city of Kronschwinge.
The Divine Flock isn’t old, everyone knows that. Theirs is a new faith, young and strong. Barely two hundred years old has the modern history thrown every hardship at them humanity can come up with.
Showing that the Divine Flock can endure, that they can suffer for their Angel when the being is finally allowed to slumber.
Unser ist die Bürde nun,
sie zu schultern durch Schnee und Eis,
durch dunkle Nächte und kalte Tage,
bis die Flügel wieder gespreizt werden
um uns aufs Neue zu behüten.
Their voices are clear and their minds are at peace. Their Angel gave them a holy order while its feathers moult. The families stand in the cold marmoreal space, over them the glass dome that is covered in snow, bathing everything only in the glow of the indoor lamps. Make it feel like they are cut of from everything. Like they are the only ones in this world, like only their breath will become mist once they step outside on the plastered streets.
Dangerous thinking. Dangerous enough to feel safe. They are never safe. They must always be vigilant, alert of the many Vultures that threaten their holy way of life. Worse than Strays, Vultures are wolfs in sheep clothing.
And they won’t be sleeping like their Angel, those wretched beings will work tireless to weaken the Divine Flock from within, they will poison the young minds of the future.
So the fathers hold their sons hands and the mothers the delicate hands of their daughters, to raise them to be steadfast in their faith at all times. Their calloused fingers hold their smooth ones, this so easily manipulated future, those little hands that will one day do the same for their kids.
The warm glow of the lamps and the power of their united song fills the cold hall, echoes thrown around by the high ceilings, caught underneath the stone arches. More things to make the Divine Flock seem older than it actually is. But to them it doesn’t matter. The Divine Flock will reign Kronschwinge until the temple falls. Until the last Divine Bird has lost its wings and their song will grow silent.
Wir werden unter den Flügeln des Engels
auch im Tod weiter über euch wachen.
Bis die Welt und die Zeit zerbricht und Gottes Herz wieder schlägt.
10 Likes
I will find you in tumblr.
1 Like
Its not hard, I posted my link on the intro post! Looking forward to see you there!
1 Like
So, this is interesting! The atmosphere is really nicely set, the environment feels old and lived-in, with mystery and danger lurking just around the corner 
Really appreciate the kind of customisation that’s possible, too, regarding how the MC feels about the flock, their world, and their own identity
This is a great demo, I’m curious to see the direction you’ll take for the rest of the story!
Some more detailed feedback:
-
I did get a little confused (or intimidated?) at first, but in a good way. Let me explain: there are a lot of options. There seems to be real freedom to pick a distinct path, and at first it felt a little daunting to pick an option and stick to it. The whole thing just makes me want to do fifteen playthroughs to explore it all
…Also I see other people’s comments and I’m like “I can go ice skating?? Where? When??” 
-
I like the lore and how you don’t try to over-explain it. I as the reader don’t understand everything yet, and it’s great - it would be boring otherwise. I feel like you manage to give just enough information about the world to capture interest, and you leave things to be intrigued about and discover later down the road, and you do it in a way that doesn’t feel like (bad) exposition at all. The characters know things, talk about them, and it’s enough to get the gist of everything. No unnecessary text that makes the MC look clueless or as new to their world as the reader is. It helps ground things, too. Everything feels solid and well-established.
-
There are quite a few characters to keep track of. This goes back to my previous point a little. It gives the impression of a vast world with a lot to explore, but remembering who’s who (especially with the Nestlings) is a little bit of a challenge during a first read. The characters I saw in my playthrough did feel very distinct, it was more a matter of remembering everyone’s name. Also it doesn’t help that I’m terrible at remembering names irl, I guess ^^
-
I played through the demo once only, with the MC questioning at least some things the Flock says and does, so I can’t speak for other routes, but the story is removed enough from our regular everyday lives that although some themes are real and serious, it was still easy to remember that this is a fictional setting. This creates distance, and I think this helps keep a more critical mindset when reading. As in, it helps not taking everything at face-value. So far what I’ve seen of the more sensitive themes was nuanced and neutral enough that I didn’t feel like the story was glorifying anything harmful, for what’s it’s worth. (…I hope this makes sense)
-
To build on the previous point: How dark will the final story be? Some of the paths won’t end well, I’m guessing? Also I saw trigger warnings mentioned in your initial post, but I can’t seem to find them? Am I missing something?
-
This made me practice my German again. Thanks, it had been years
-
I was a surprised at one moment, when asked to pick what kind of the name the MC has (bird-related or not). I expected to pick a name right after this choice but it happened later. I did find that later when I did pick a name, this choice kinda broke the pace of the story a little? Again, I hope this makes sense.
-
One transition left me a little confused. I picked the Raven path and after my MC picked a dog to name, there was this scene with the Nestlings. I wasn’t sure who was present for it? And then the next page happened in the morning. The setting there was not super clear to me.
-
I’m not going to give feedback on the end of the demo because I did hit a “tba” section, so I’m attributing anything odd I found with pacing or transitions to the later sections not being finished. This might actually be the case for the Raven thing above.
-
And finally, this has nothing to do with anything but I am genuinely confused on how people can think we play as a bird. Just… no?
Typos / odd breaks I found when reading:
- “…your rank as Angels Consort putting you on a pedastel…” should be pedestal
- “…the Sparrows existance alone shows that this isn’t a usual occurance” should be existence and occurrence
- “Some joke where your sister is and if she got eaten by her princly bear” should be princely I think
- in a choice: “Your Tarsus as well, you too belong to the medical trained Doves.” should be medically trained
- “climbig up the wide stone staircase” should be climbing
- There was an odd line break in the middle of a sentence: “The Ceres looks at you” then a line break, and in a new paragraph the sentence continued with: “worried. He tries to make polite smalltalk, but it falls on deaf ears.”
- “You remember what you choose of course. It seems like a lifetime ago” should be chose
- There was one sentence I didn’t understand, when meeting the Nestlings for the first time. The paragraph was this, with the sentence I didn’t get in bold: “he seems to be looking down at you with his pale green eyes and light blond hair. Despite you being taller. Finally you are. His chin is held high and…” I’m not sure what this sentence refers to - finally I’m what?
- Here a phrase I found confusing: “Letting the Oisillons, their nestlings the truly young Nest children” - I feel like it should be either “their nestlings” or “their truly young Nest children” but not both at the same time?
- There’s an extra “.” in a dialogue with Droznik: ““It’s because of Chris.”, you glance to the Stranskys” - I would have expected to see it written as ““It’s because of Chris,” you glance-”
- There’s a second instance of “existance” (“friends with someone whose existance alone is a sin”)
- “Especially behind the iron courtain” should be curtain
- There are a few instances of ridiculous spelled “ridicolous” (I saw at least two I think?)
- Another sentence with an odd break to a new paragraph in the middle: “The Nestlings look up as you stride closer, huddled together in the pouring rain, a quick count reveals” then a break, then “one missing: Narik Otter.”
Sorry for the huge blocks of text… I hope this helps, even just a little bit! Best of luck with your writing! 
3 Likes
Thank you 
comments like this really help my self esteem regarding my writing!
It is important to me that MCs identity is shown and reacted on, and in some cases also rejected, by their surrounding world.
So am I! I had plans and than the story happened.
Not to spoil you… but there are distinct side stories for every volery (you can become a trained magician, you can belong to another inner group that kills people, you can time travel etc).
Thats what I wanted to get, I am glad I managed that! I hope that I keep managing that too.
I am currently writing more about them and the time they spend with mc (four years after all) so I hope their names will stick! Thats also the reason why I cut them down to five instead of the 10 a normal WIng would need to take care of.
Now to me it is important to note that: in this story many harmful and abusive things will happen (there is a secret route that cranks it up to 100 right at the start in the training school). But in depicting this horrible things there will be no glorifying. It will be shown and talked about as what it is: horrible.
Writing this in spoilers (plus not all of these have to happen, its all a choice or a consequence):
MC can choose a vice on the secret route (smoking, drinking, self harm) and later in game as well, sexual abuse/rape (can be really easily avoided though!), public punishment (this is sort of only forced in a combination and I am currently adding a route so its not forced at all), toxic relationships (the “i can fix him/her” can only work on a few ROs), toxic parents (but a really sweet step parent later on!), toxic masculinity and feminity (the Divine flock are extreme like that, its in their teachings), many bad endings: suicide, becoming a murderer or a murder victim, car crash. In one route MC can become actually a pretty bad person but will get their fair punishment for it.
Yeah I removed them, I will add them later when I found a better wording for “this trigger warning is in a route no one has played yet and no one will ever find”
Ich helfe gern.
Yeah it makes sense, but to me it was important that the Nestlings are the ones that call MC by his/her first name in the game. I am still thinking about how to make that flow better, but thats really sth I want to keep.
I will go over the code again, it is still a bit wonky there and I will add to most of the early paths, as some are more finished than others ( and yeah magician route being one of them)!
Currently I am still writing more with the Nestlings for example, I hope to get a new update on the end of the month!
I truly dont know… now frankly that was with the old demo but it made me so annoyed at some point.
I removed every plan of MC ever turning into a bird because of those people that kept asking those kind of questions (and there were a lot).
Thanks, those have been either fixed (thx especially for the typos!) or reworded! They will be updated with the next update.
Dont apologise! Comments like yours are what keeps me motivated to write!
4 Likes
Time travel! 
Yeah, you will get a choice when and where to, everything will have a more chill and a more action route! So far planned are: french revolution, wild west, wilheminian germany (aka 1890s).
This story is so weird. (It’s a compliment.)
When I said the voleries each have a unique side story I truly meant it.