WIP: Fallen Hero 2: Retribution - updated 27 april 2019 (pre-adult version)

I don’t think the Ortega arc is poorly written, I actually think it’s the most believable relationship arc ever written in a CoG/HG game. Things are slow, confused, sometimes feelings run ahead of us, sometimes they fall back in line and some other times they break and need time to recover. My character would never willingly unmask in front of anyone, expecially not in front of the snake Argent(fuck her and her own problems), but I agree with you on that: if there is anyone I could remotly even think about trusting it would be only Ortega(and possibly their mom lol).


I think Ortega is anamazingly written character. That shows in a deep way the consequences of guilt and sexual obsession and lust.

Mara never had any attraction whatsoever for Ortega nor in the past nor now. marà believes ortega is the ugliest man in town. Pick all choices as z mere friend that goes to rangers to control them and flirt with Herald. My character is lusting to become a ranger be popular in her unconscious.

Ortega tries and tries and tries to get a connection is only in his head. I found it amazing written. Even if my character is dying to kill him and get rid of the ugly old man.

So Iam dying to say Ortega mean things and how Mara find him repulsive. The fun part is mara zis becoming more friend of rangers than ortega is it is ironic.


This series is by far one of my favorite ones ever posted on CoG. Your writing is just a work of art, and needs to be appreciated as such! As far as continuity goes, everything seems to match up so far. I’m super excited that LadyArgent is a RO as well. I absolutely became enthralled with the scenes between her and the MC – so much tension!
Anyways, keep up the fantastic work! I will be awaiting the next update!


First time using this site, I’m not sure what here is really a spoiler per se, so I’m just going to blur it all

[spoiler]“You don’t even have the security classification to know my shoe size.”

“You’re not military.” You tilt your head as you look her over, pleased to see that she’s the uncomfortable one now.

“How would you know?”

“If you were, Steel wouldn’t be so tense.”

“He’s not.” But she doesn’t look as sure as she sounds. “If there’s something I know intimately, it’s how Steel acts around someone he doesn’t trust completely. He’s got his eyes on you. Don’t know why, but there must be someth… arhk…” your voice is cut when she grabs you by the throat, slamming you against the wall."[/spoiler]

In the last paragraph ^ you had two speakers in one paragraph, and the 1st time reading it was really confusing. (change paragraphs when there’s a new time/topic/place/speaker.)

[spoiler]“He’s not.” But she doesn’t look as sure as she sounds.

“If there’s something I know intimately, it’s how Steel acts around someone he doesn’t trust completely. He’s got his eyes on you. Don’t know why, but there must be someth… arhk…” your voice is cut when she grabs you by the throat, slamming you against the wall."[/spoiler]

Something like this ^ looks better and makes it easier to read :slight_smile: Love Fallen Hero rebirth and what there is or retribution so far!


You have to use the spoiler tag every paragraph for it to work and welcome to the community!


Oopsie on the spoiler blur not working.

I did that myself before I realized each line separated by a break (the Enter key) needs to be individually wrapped up in the blur segments. That tends to feel a little chunky in formatting, though, so I like to use the “hide details” option to collapse it down to a vertically smaller post, that still keeps spoilers hidden. :relaxed:

This, as you see.

Regarding what you pointed out; this spacing thing seems to be a fairly common issue even with the edited drafts of works nearing completion (at least from what I’ve read about CS in other posts) but this is a rough draft in the alpha–not even beta–stage of the pathing/continuity process.

As monstrously huge as it is so far, I can hardly blame Malin for the occasional clumping in the paragraphs. Fixing up the little details definitely comes later, since any portion of the story so far is still subject to change, or outright redaction. A good thing to note down for later, though.

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As everyone has already said, spoiler and blur tags are broken every time that you start a new paragraph. Each individual paragraph, if you intend to blur them all, require its own beginning and end blur tag, as will the next one and next one.

If you’d like more details on how formatting works on the forum, please visit this thread.


During the HG playthrough at the auction, there’s a whoopsie of a character appearing in a scene she shouldn’t be in. I had just used Dr. M’s gun on Jake and the Catastrofiend popped out - and the MC hid telepathically. It’s just the MC and Jake there, but there’s a line about Lady Argent as well, and my MC’s clueless about Argent in this one. The text (with the misplaced line italicized):

It recognizes that and turns slowly towards Lady Argent. You stay frozen for one more second, letting the Catastrofiend lock in on Jake. He’s the threat. He’s the target. You’ve made sure of it.

Edit for another:

After MC tells Argent she has to leave or be found out by the other villains prior to the auction start, she says she’s leaving, but the next scene has this double paragraph issue - she’s there and she’s not at the same time:

You look around the room, and there is no trace of Oryx. That’s good, you don’t need another wildcard here, whatever reason Lady Argent had for infiltrating this event will have to wait.

You can see Oryx near the front, leaning nonchalantly against a wall, biding her time. What is Lady Argent here for? You’re not sure. Maybe it’s for who, but you can’t see who she’s looking at through her helmet.

The MC has watched her leave in the earlier scene - all the way out the exit - but she reappears after the MC blew up the auction to steal items early. She’s in the store room though. Not sure if she should have been able to re-enter the building and get back into the items that quickly?

Continuing to chase her outside and choosing to fight and then reveal her to the pursuit, the MC has a meltdown panic attack and later resurfaces carrying only the gun in the scene. The fight scene doesn’t contain any indication that the MC picks up the documentation case, but it shows up later on the decision screen for contacting Dr. M. as either MC or Puppet.

So I’m now replaying this for the 700th time, and I gotta tell ya: Telling Dr Mortum the truth doesn’t get any easier. He seems accepting though? He called me mon chéri, so that’s a good sign, right?

I’ll keep telling myself that it is. Other than a few grammatical errors here and there, I haven’t noticed any issues. I can’t wait for the next update.


It it strange if I keep playing the demo over and over just for that part? It gets me right in the feels. :frowning:


If you chose to force Bo to work for you after the bridge fight, there is a really awkward bit of dialogue where a line is pretty much repeated Recruitment


I think there’s a bug during the auction scene when you aim to get both regeneration machine and Dr. Mortum’s gun…

During the infiltration route…if you buy the gun before starting the attack to steal the regeneration machine the game will shift and act like you’re heading off to steal Dr. Mortum’s gun during the attack, even though, technically, you already have it and should be heading to steal the regeneration machine…

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Game 1 me: I don’t like Chen he’s a bitch and
Game 2: Chen has a noodle dogy called spoon with pyjamas and they snuggle
Me: :0 !!! :00000000


Same and that makes me don’t like Ortega even more. In fact only character i don’t like is moustache man.


I almost forget Ortega has moustache too, now you just remind me…:rofl:

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I am imagining Ortega as Freedy Mercury. That it was a great singer and person but Ugly as a sin. Also helps the idea of a ugly guy that has been obsessed with my character when she was a vigilante (she wasn’t interested at him at all only friends) and he still thinking he could conquest Mara. Even if Mara is clear saying HERALD . Anyway is a very well written character and his obsession goes well with the theme of game.

Also Mara is not a saint as it is romancing 3 people each one in a different personality and two of those know both of her secrets (Mortum and Argent) also Argent knows Herald will have a date with her crush … Rip Herald I have fear Argent will crush the restaurant and kill Herald and sit herself in his place to dinner…


This would prob be more helpful if you can get some screenshots (or copy-paste where the text/coding goes weird), the code is giant and OP has said it’s near impossible to find inconsistencies just from reading references to them!

On Chen in #2 vs #1 - I heartily agree. I went from, “well, isn’t he a ray of sunshine” to wrap him in fluffy blankets with his doggie and never let anyone near. But… that’s how a lot of the characters are. The flaws are obvious, and much digging to get to the real personality.

Thus far, Dr. M is my number one, but I’ve played with it in multiple directions, and Ortega was never a big pull for me (I adore facial hair, so that’s not the issue), but more that I tend to like him better as the buddy than the boyfriend. While the public persona is a philanderer, he genuinely mourned the MC’s seeming death - and encouraged mental health care - so redeeming qualities right there, especially of the buddy nature.

That said, the advantage of playing the WIP from different angles is that if you dig into Ortega’s background hard (like Chen), you can find interesting parts too.

After the psychiatrist appointment (or nightmares if you refuse to allow Ortega to set you up with mental health help), there’s an option to go with Ortega to dinner. If you confront him about the outrageous flirting under certain conditions, he’ll actually confess to something like what Herald and Argent were doing with their fake relationship - living up to a required public image - with a side helping of protecting the MC’s privacy.

I haven’t seen enough of Herald to make a judgment yet there at all. It’s actually Argent I find creepy - so far - but with a glimmer of redemption of that upcoming in future chapters I think.


I always imagined Male Ortega as Dorian Pavus.


Diego Luna for me (only taller). Someone with kind/sad eyes.