Where are the aces (asexuals)?

Ahhh, okay, sorry and thanks for the ref!

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I wasn’t sure if you wanted this here or in the other thread, but I think what you may be describing (find people of different genders attractive without sexual desire) is aesthetic attraction, which is what I feel when I look at an attractive person, but also at a beautiful painting or lake. There is also sensual attraction, which is the desire to touch (what one might feel when looking at a fluffy kitten or a soft pillow). For some people, especially allosexuals (non-ace), those definitions kind of blur together, since someone they find attractive (aesthetically) happens to also be someone they feel sexual attraction towards.

You might also be thinking of autochrissorism (probably mangled that spelling), which is the dissociation of sexual feelings/scenes/activities from oneself. I don’t have time to think of a more precise example at the moment. You might also be thinking of some other ace/aro-spectrum sexualities like lithromantic or one other one that I can’t recall at the moment that does not desire reciprocation.

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I like that terminology a lot. Thank you for introducing it to me.

This (and the fact I’m heteroromantic) is why it took me a while to figure out that I’m ace. Someone would ask me if I thought a guy was cute, and I would say “Yes.” Then they would ask if I wanted to go out with the guy in question, and I would be confused because I didn’t understand the connection.

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This right here sounds exactly like my mom did when she tried to set me up a couple of times before we had that mother-daughter discussion on setting boundaries …

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I find it interesting that a lot of non-aces don’t understand aesthetic, non-sexual attraction towards people even though it’s pretty common. Like when a straight girl calls another girl pretty or compliments a certain physical feature in a completely non-flirtatious way.

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I just quit giving other girls/women compliments because most of them think I’m playing some sort of game… and it ends up hurting friendships. Unless the friendship is strongly based in something, like writing… then for some reason compliments seem to be o.k.

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Visibility - or lack of it - is a real problem for the asexual community. We’re not unicorns, we exist! We’re more like chameleons; able to blend in and be undetectable.

To (kinda) understand prosopagnosia, imagine a world like that Twilight Zone episode, “Number 12 Looks Just Like You”, where everyone looks identical. And nobody wears nametags, cos for some inexplicable reason you’re expected to be able to recognize them by sight even though they look like everyone else. That’s what I go through cos I’ve got prosopagnosia. I’ve also seen it compared to trying to identify a chicken or dolphin in a police lineup with other chickens or dolphins.

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That’s a really interesting explanation. People who are around a species of animal quite a lot do frequently learn how to distinguish individuals of that species, but it is definitely a learned skill. It seems fair to assume that recognizing other humans is a learned skill as well. Although it’s often joked about as a sign of racism, some people genuinely have difficulty recognizing individuals from a race they are not regularly exposed to. Recognition of another individual (human or otherwise) seems to be a rather interesting cognitive process. It’s probably far more complex than most people realize.

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The Lost Heir: The Fall of Daria has an ace option.
If you pick it, the game changes all the potential romantic partners to just good friends.

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That would actually be awful. Because asexuals do not neccessarily reject relationships, cuddling, kissing, intimate talks, a bond that is exclusive or highly emotional, they just do not want to have sex. So excluding the possibility of a non-sexual romantic relationship is not quite the way to go :smiley:

*That is why there is a distinction between asexual and aromantic :slight_smile:

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*Reminds me that I need to make an ace option in my romance game.

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I wouldn’t say asexuals just don’t want to have sex(there are sex replused asexuals though). Asexuals just aren’t sexually attracted to others. There are also demisexuals who feel sexual attraction after forming a close bond with someone. Graysexuals may or may not feel sexual attraction with people with varying degrees.

While usually they go hand in hand, sex drive and sexual attraction are different things. Yes, there are asexuals that don’t feel the need for sex and most likely will go their whole life without it, but there are asexuals that will have sex. Keep in mind that asexuality is not the same thing as celibacy.

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So many people consider asexuality to be complete apathy or repulsion towards sex or intimacy. I want to say that there are aces who like sex, there are aces who don’t care about it, and there are aces who are repulsed by it. But there are also aces who crave physical intimacy and affection and they do experience sensual attraction. It’s so much more than a question of just having or not having sex. I do hope there’s an effort to incorporate multiple types of attraction:

As Sensual Attraction - Romantic and Aromantic Orientations - Asexual Visibility and Education Network put it:
sexual attraction - having a desire to engage in sexual acts with a certain individual (intercourse, orgasmic interludes).
sensual attraction - having a desire to engage in sensual acts with a certain individual (kissing, cuddling, hugging, hand holding, etc).
romantic attraction - having a desire to engage in a romantic relationship with a certain individual (dating, marriage, etc).

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True. Most asexuals I know are happily married.

I’m just asexual, aromantic, and asexual, myself.

Yeah, there are so many different kinds of attraction, even more then listed there. It opened my eyes when I read about them and was soul searching 2-3 years ago.

I was thinking I might be asexual, but how could that be if I found people to be handsome, beautiful, or good looking? I was thinking maybe I wasn’t, then. But I kept on searching, reading, and thinking back on my life and interactions with people(heck, even went on a couple of dates). Then I found a post where someone talked about different kinds of attraction.

After reading that post, suddenly I knew. All pieces had finally been put into their places and I knew with out a doubt. It was such a relief.

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First time poster here. Hi all.

I’m an ace of hearts, romance IRL doesn’t really interest me, but I do like to read it. Anyways, I’ve noticed being ace in games is getting more and more common. Like in Community College Hero, Wayhaven and others. And mostly, you can chose to ignore the RO’s advances on you.

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