What makes you feel like a man/woman/nb?

So I hope my question is not making someone feel bad. But I like to know, what makes you feel like a man or a woman or non-binary. I am not sure if the definition is just based on the social surroundings.
It might be a insensitive question, but it really is not meant that way.
I am female, straight and vorn with a female body. But even I can not say, what makes me feel female. I am not even sure if my characteristics are female. I see myself as being me, I never questioned to be a woman. But I can not say that anything apart from my body is totally female.
I try to be a logical person and part of me is. But I sense peoples feelings, but is anything of this male or female? I do not know. I always liked legos more than dolls(never had an interest in them). I hate to go shopping, but I like to shop games, music or films, but that is more a thing of taste, isn`t it? The more I think about it, the more I feel that everything I feel is just based on the society I have known. I do not find a single thing, that makes me feel, yes definetly female. Is there such a thing? I would like to know your view. That might help me a lot with designing characters. So everything you might tell me is valued by me. Thanks for everyone who wants to share their view.


Hmm. Good question, next! :grimacing:

I have no idea. I know am a woman, but beyond that, er… I can say no more why I like chocolate ice cream better than any other flavour than I can say what makes me feel like a woman. Nor can I say why I am heterosexual, I just know that is how I am. :thinking:

I am who I am and that’s who I am. Never paid too much attention to ‘this is a thing ladies do and this is a thing gentlemen do’ and so forth. I too loved Lego as a kid, built all sort of things. Have a few dolls, but also action figures and miniature soldiers and toy cars.

So to me, I know who I am and what I like and don’t like, but labelling things is, for me personally, pointless. Like, say, Alien and Ripley. A role written for a guy, but in the end, played by a gal. I think we should be able to be who we are without having to label it all.

That is, if a label can help someone find themselves, sure, go for it, but don’t depend on it. Be yourself and be proud of it. :relaxed:


I am a cis woman that considers a woman but has social dysphoria as society is obsessed and bulling me about You don’t behave like a woman You are insert slurs Etc…
Patriarchy is obsessed with put labels about what is a man and what is a woman and anyone that doesn’t fit that Is to be bullied by society.


An NB here and i admit that the journey of my gender identity was generally a weird one.

From the start, i knew that i would never fit to the cookie-cutter expectations of the society’s gender roles. But being bombarded with institutions and media that will be strict about it (/gives a pointed look at my school from elementary and high school/) can make you feel…off like what mara said. College was a very liberating experience as it helped me move on from that.

i’m also trying to reconcile with my old aversion of all things girly and some traditional roles because the negative connotations i have to grow up with, telling myself it’s okay to like these things and it doesn’t necessarily make me less of who i am to like them. i’m also trying to get over the whole “i’m not like other whatevers” due to the Unfortunate Implications.

i hope that helps.

EDIT: i forgot to mention that while i generally live in a rather gender-equal country, some people would try to enforce those roles which may have led to my aversions.


It’s a very good question actually. Me, being actually gender-fluid, born in a female body but most of the time I don’t feel like it. I was never one to play with dolls and they kind of creeped me out so I chose legos and cars instead. But when I look in the mirror, I’d like to see a male version of me standing there instead. Most times I feel more like a man or nb. But what actually makes me feel like what gender I am for the day, I’d say my way of speaking, demeanor and clothing style.

EDIT: I’d say that the best thing, like most have already suggested, is to be who you are and want to be.

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Demiboy here! What makes me feel like a man is the sense of happiness I get when people refer to me as male.


Not looking at my body. Ever. Don’t mention my body. I don’t physically exist. No photos. No mirrors. No commenting on my appearance ever, I will personally maul you like a wild animal.


it is a very good question actually and a point of existential dread for me :smiley:
as a trans man, i think Stef Sanjati put it best, "i’m not uncomfortable with my femininity, i’m uncomfortable with my ‘femaleness’ ", which is to say despite being raised and socialized as a girl, i just never felt like a girl. which is why i distanced myself from any sort of feminine behaviours for a very long time, for fear of being perceived as something that didn’t feel right.
i remember when i first started passing as a dude, an elderly lady in a flowershop told my mum(who i was helping) that she was lucky to have ‘such a handsome young man to do the heavy lifting’. i almost died on the spot i was so happy.

to cut a jumbled story short, what makes me feel like a man is just that it feels right that way. gender is a social construct, but it’s a construct by which we identify, and if there’s anything that makes us human it’s our sense of self-identity _(┐「ε:) _ i don’t know where i’m going with this


I think myself as a female and I am okay with my body. My problem is that I behave tent to dress as a society had randomly assigned as male. I am dominant and assertive I am competitive, I am strong physically and I am not shy . I hate pink makeup and all that supposed to be Female stuff.

They are not Female Male or nb. There are pure cultural labels that change with time and culture.
.I won’t continue let that society bully me and say I have a problem because I am not enough shy and don’t have earrings and makeup.


I know I’m non-binary because I experience more than one binary gender and genders I know that are not male or female. Sometimes I can even feel it changing. But I can’t really say how I know to differ one gender from the other, actually I frequently don’t know what gender I am at the moment… Something that is already a sign I’m not binary, as you DO know your gender, as you said.

I sorta feel like I’m… “Freshier” when I’m a guy and… Sweeter and a bit happier when I’m a girl tho. But this is very subtle, I don’t even notice it most times. But I kinda feel better when I’m at none or neutral. That’s all I can say, I guess.

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I’m a me.

That’s probably a weird way to go about saying it, but back then I never really had a word for such things. People for years told me I was supposed to act a certain way and dress a certain way due to my gender and being the inquisitive kid I was, I asked why each time.

Many gave the same answer “because you are that gender.”

It was never an answer that satisfied me, even more so when such a answer came from my parents. So I continued just doing things how I wanted because I decided to be a me since that was what I was most comfortable with (that was the simple fact for me). Some people had given me a hard time because of it in the past, but such things have cooled down a good deal since then and I am content with who I am.

There might be a word to describe my view on myself (certainly learned a good deal of them during my time in college) but I’ve simply chosen to describe myself as a me at this point. And I may not always know how to describe it, but I know how it feels to be a me and that’s enough in the end.

Besides, outside anatomy and health aspects, every culture is going to have a different idea of what makes one male or female (or what makes traits feminine or masculine). When it comes down to it, everyone is going to have a different view on that matter (sorry if I’m not making any sense :sweat_smile:).


I understand that I feel the same. With time and the therapeutic help I have come with terms with how nuns treated means all the bullying for be a girl, not girl enough. But I am happy seen that one generation younger doesn’t have so much hard time and they can be themselves and Not been seen as a communist anarchist behavior that Me with 3 years determined that the pink apron was ugly so I would get the blue one.

That causes an uproar between the nuns as I was considered a dangerous rebel. lol, It is comical thinking about this now.

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Wow you are all awesome. It is so interesting to learn about your views. This helps me a lot and it is wonderful to see that although almost everyone feels a bit different one thing is just true for everyone. You just feel it. It might be easier or more complex but it is a thing everyone just knows about themselves. I love you guys and thanks for sharing your views. I hope that will Help me make my writing and understanding a lot Vetter.


Self perception and how society interacts with you, is the best to my understanding of the self, a sort of the I think therefore I am approach to gender, Now I could be entirely wrong and most likely are but to my understanding if we remove sexism, transphobia and patriarchy, what you understand as feminine is a societal construct that one who identifies as female internalizes the sociatel definition and seeks to reflect what is considered as feminine behavior while simultaneously adding to the idea femininity based on there interpretation of what constitutes as femininity basically femininity comes in many forms and all are equally valid because their is no great guiding force deciding what it means to be feminine simply your own interpretation.

And sometimes a large number of people have the same interpretation thus creating a societal standard doesn’t mean everyone needs to fit this standard.

Same thing applies to identifying as male or nonbinary, keep in mind this is my opinion and I am not the gender authorities because I equally don’t understand gender simply that people identify as what gender as they see fits them, yet do not necessarily need to conform to the society’s standard interpretation of gender nor need to fit into someone else’s interpretation gender. This is my crud approximation I’m no expert in the field.


I guess its a primal instinct or something. I don’t mean to sound rude but unlike some people i KNOW that i am male. As far as my mind can take me through my memories, ever since i was like 5 i knew what i was. My mind was already fixated on me being male i guess. And no, my gender was not influenced by social interactions or whatever, my parents never sat down with me and told me what I was. I already knew who and what i was. Then again it could just be me, if you asked me when i was in preschool i could tell you what genetalia men and women have. Hell, I could even explain how the process of sex works. I might have just beeen a pervert at a young age tho lol.


So, basically something like this? (I swear these comic shorts amuse me to no end)


Basically a good summarization of what a said, i believe we should all strive to the mentality of the girl in black doesnt necessarily mean im right or correct simply that she is not enforcing her standard on others and I see that as ethical and just.

Although I probably have some contention on the figment of my imagination part but that’s a discussion of ontology and metaphysics best not mentioned here.

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I Know and knew I was female. What is your point? Then I have during years people saying You arent a good girl You are deviant and nasty because You arent shy you don’t dress up with pink dresses and don’t like dolls.

What gender you are seen as is affected by society. And lucky you that are a fit with that norm. But I am not less female for not like pink and romantic movies.


I consider myself, for all intents and purposes, to be male, but beyond that I don’t really “feel” male, if that makes sense? I paint my nails, I’m growing my hair out incredibly long, I wear colors that are (incorrectly) associated with women, and I participate in activities that most women usually participate in. I still feel like a man because I am one, but I don’t really associate that to any specific behaviors or situations.


I’m a cis male and I don’t think there’s any definitive thing that has made me feel like a male, no activity etc. I have just always been a male & nothing has made me question that. The only negative things I have had to deal with in regards to my gender was people calling me girly when I was in elementary school for having both of my ears pierced, being meticulous about my appearance/clothes(I dressed like a preppy) and having my hair done in braids sometimes(I’m black & went to a mostly white school). While those assholes called my “classmates” made me feel bad they didn’t influence me to conform to their stereotypical version of masculine.